Alcohol self help thread II

ellas9602

Hello :hello:

I've had problems with my OH before (as some may remember) and again I'm in a situation where I just don't know what to do. He drinks A LOT, 6-7 bottles wine a night, he drives drunk, he's a wreck. I love him but cannot continue to live with him. I've moved miles away and changed my daughters school. I found it hard to leave in the past because his daughter lives with him, she's 15 and I feel responsible for her. I've turned away from both of them but she really needs me. I can't take care of her like he's asked me to do because that would mean living round the corner from him. I've been left 4 days and he's drinking very dangerous amounts but won't get help. I've thought about going round there and stripping him of any way to get cash and just buy him enough food and cigarettes to see him through?? bad idea?

Theres an al-anon meeting tomorrow which I'm going to go to. His 15 year old is really upset and angry but won't go back to her mum, she's not been looked after at the moment in any way at all, but my daughter has really suffered through this (stupid stupid me) and just wants to stay as far away as possible

Al_Mac

For his daughters sake you are going to have to do something. If she wont go to her mothers, is there another relative she would go to? It's a last resort, but it would have to be social services:eek:

As for the OH, you've done what needs to be done, protecting you and your child.

Does he understand, why you've gone? Probably, but not excepting it, would be my guess.

I'm sorry I have no idea how you can now shock him into stopping or getting help.

Just keep yourself away and safe, hard to do.

I hope someone can give you some advice, hopefully at the meeting.

Good luck

Al x

ellas9602

thanks Al

I know you are right and I will have to do what I have to do. I have arranged for her to stay with one her friends so I know that she is safe tonight. I just don't know what to do for her in the long term. She doesn't have any family local and doesn't really have the choices that I do.

I've still also got this awful reluctance to tell people what he is, particularly his own family, mother etc, which I have to get over.

I think deep down he understands why I've gone but is permanently drunk so who knows what he comprehends?

chas1937

Well I really think you must involve his family at least as your not doing him or yourselves any favours by just letting things be.As for getting social services involed I would leave that as very last resort because once they become involved it is very hard too back off from them.I,m a recovering alcoholic myself with nearly 6 years sobriety and I can tell from my own experience he wont listen too anyone until he really gets very ill or hits rock bottom as did that myself.A lot of folk say thats a shame you cant drink but it really doesnt bother me at all now and I still go to functions etc with no problem.But then maybe I,m one of lucky ones who is still alive today or not in mental institute.I,ve just bought a new sports car and want for nothing and was even at Queens garden Party this year.Not bad for someone who would sit in park and drink anything that was on offer,even hair lacquer,surgical spirits and other such rubbish so that I could stop shaking and being sick.All the time it was the alcohol that was making me sick in first place and fortunately I found somone who was in Alcolics Anonymous who took the time and patience to tell me all about Alcoholism

Al_Mac

Thanks for that chas.

Again it is that hitting the point of realisation that has to happen. I have no idea how you force someone into that. sorry ellas.

A colleague at work stopped me for a chat today, why me, unless he just somehow realised Anyway, he was telling me how bad he'd been getting and how three weeks ago realised he had to stop drinking:eek: He has. Just had a chat about how you need to prioritise your life, what is important and what isn't. Work isn't, except for the money to live on. Family and happiness are top. Something he had been neglecting. Just glad he realised it early enough:D

ellas9602

thanks chas...and al

He is sick and shaking all the time. I think he does hit rock bottom but I don't think he will ever get better.
Thanks for your replies though, when you're feeling rotten and guilty it just helps to hear that you are doing the right thing.

x

ac

ellas602 if there is one thing ive learnt and took on board in
everyday life since a sobered up is that...



YOU are not responcible for other peoples actions !!!!

it is no ones fault but his own that he is the way he is...

and hopefully and with the grace of god, your OH
will have a few seconds of clarity and see were
he is and how hes become......

(you dont no your there when your there)

no one can do it for him.... ya can only be there
for when it happens xxxxxxxx
........................................................................

yesterday i managed to concour one of my biggest fears...

telling one of my closest and dearest friends...

this has been one of the hardest things ive ever done in my life...
but i needed to do it..

her husband died of alcoholism... and so did her son
(only three yrs ago.. when i was in my tunnel)

16 yrs ago she had to adopt her own grandson, cause
the mother of the child died (drugs & booze) & her son
was not capable of guardianship

and now theres me......
i didnt want my promblems dragging up the past..
but i wanted to tell her so she could understand the way ive been
behaving... ie.. loosing all contact....

now im glad i did... she understands my illness more than i do...
and i feel the weights gone of my shoulders.....
she asked me why i hadnt told her....
i just didnt want to burden her with it........
she went through years of hell...... her OH only managed
to stay sober for 9 weeks through thier whole marridge......
their son found him dead on the couch.... and he ended up
the same way, and her daughter is doing the same thing...
she said...

ya cant change ya family but ya can ya friends,
but she wouldnt change me.....

i told her that God had put her in my life for a reason...
and now i no why xx

we hugged and i promised to stay in touch....
she also said she would go al-anon with my OH if
he didnt want to go on his own.......

i got home and told OH that id told her...
he still cant cope with it, me being a sober alcoholic and
telling a close friend...(thats been through it, someone who
could help us) he didnt say anything.......
hes still ashamed of me


anyway....... fear over and today, well this hour......

i can take on the world.......... :j :A

Al_Mac

I think you are great. Very brave. Very strong. And I'm very, very proud to know you and to have seen you come out into the light. And also for you to have been part of my journey back into "reality". Go girl

Little_Miss_Winner

Ac Rocks !:T

feelinggood_2

PLease someone be around