Alcohol self help thread II

mariauk

Al_Mac wrote:

Hi Shaz,

You've got to decide if you want to try and save him, along with your marriage, if he wants to be saved.

x

I`m sorry Al but I am going to have to disagree with this bit of your post. How can can you say to Shaz " If you want to try and save him and your marriage"

All loved one`s of alchoholics want to do is "Save" them. If it was as easy as putting people who care and love you in control of what you drink, then half of the worlds problems would be over. We would have the people we care and love most in the world in our lives on the same level as everyone else.

All the love in the world is not going to "Save" him Shaz and you cannot be the one who has to make any more sacrifices, He is the one and only person who can save his life and all that being in control brings. Don`t ever think you have failed, it tears you apart and you are not the one who isn`t in control. Your child needs at least one parent who is responsible, your partner is an adult and he and only he will ever be able to get through it "when" and if he feels the need.

Good luck Shaz, Just remember you are not to blame.

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Al_Mac

Fair points. Thanks, Al x

Shaz123_3

Thanks Al Mac, Micheleen and Mariauk. I have looked back and thought perhaps I am to blame for his drinking. About 5 years ago when I found out he smoked cannibis I did give him an ultimatum, stop or I’m leaving. He says this resulted in him drinking more for not smoking the stuff, he has said a couple of times during arguments I should just kept my nose out of it and mind my on business. However he doesn’t smoke until he starts drinking so also contradicting himself. I’m not a mind reader but I have told him on several occasions stop the secret drinking – everytime I open a cupboard I find another empty can, bottle. Ho can we make things ork if he cannot be honest about things…and I’m tired of it all.

After work today I had found a 2 litre bottle of cider which he had drunk 1 litre of already stuck on the shelf of his open wardrobe and 6 empty small bottles of Stella I had stashed after he drank the other 14 bottles one day. He originally told me to keep them back for ‘another day’.

I had wanted to speak to him properly about separating temporary but he said we will talk about it tomorrow. Later when he sobered up a bit more I did say to him again I am and will follow what I have said through because I am only as bad as his word by not doing so. After all I have listened to his false promises of making changes for the last three years.

Both his parents died in the same year and before we got married so it’s been tough on him but really his secret drinking stems back way before then. When we were abroad he did go to a couple of AA meetings and lasted 6 weeks without drinking but that’s been about the longest. He often lasts 5 days top without a drink and come the sixth day he may as well have drank the previous 5 days as he will then completely binge. Doesn’t matter really he can’t stop after 2 or three. It’s always more, more, more. I’ve suggested he perhaps stops perhaps a particular brand of beer (ie co-ops super strength larger), so changes are very gradual but even then he couldn’t do it even with the option of loads of other beers. He won’t drink normal tenants as it tastes like ‘p’ water supposedly unless of course there was nothing else then he would be more than happy to drink it. Unless it is at least the strength of a stella he doesn’t seem to want to know.

He did go to a couple of meetings here 1 AA and one other one not AA, but he started drinking the day after saying this person told he he didn’t need to stop completely but change his mindset. Well he hasn’t done either and it was like a green light for him to carry on. He just won’t contemplate the idea of AA meeting as he feels he’s above people who go to these meetings. Yes people like him who also have families who care! He just can’t commit to things generally anyway and constantly lets people down changing things to suit himself or he is tired, can’t be bothered. Lame excuses, best one is that he has a stinking hangover and basically ‘canny be ar*ed with anybody of anything’. Can’t remember what tv programme I heard that from – Still Game perhaps?

I know that if I have been working from 9-5 tomorrow and I come home with him drunk again I will really loose it for sure this time. Harsh but I will pack his bags for him because if he does something like that I know he thinks I am just a doormat he can walk all over as and when he feels like it.

I feel I have aged 10 years in the time we have been married and a dog is probably treated better than I have been. My mum use to comment that I had a very good temperament and that I would do a good job being a kind and caring nurse. However she says now I lose my temper easily and get so stressed that she can’t believe how I’ve changed. I know it myself and it saddens me to have such a burden on my shoulder which I have only properly managed to confide to one of my sisters yesterday. My mum doesn’t know the half of it and would be horrified that I’ve had to suffer so much. My mum jokes that at her house I was treated like a princess but now I’m like a skivvy (oh yes forgot to mention my husband is extremely lazy too, when he does something he does half a job or just not at all, so after work I’m often running about doing as much housework and taking care of our son when he sits on his back side with the tv on drinking himself to stupidity – he does cook dinner generally so he obviously sees that as his fair share).

Anyway I think I’ve probably ranted on long enough.

Al_Mac

Rant whenever you like:D Dump what you think, I have:o

Does he work, don't remember seeing it mentioned. I'm not a great reader, tend to speed read and miss bits:o.

Just wondered if that could be an issue.

Take care

Al

x

micheleen

Shaz, don't worry about the rant. It's a hell of a sight better out than kept in

You are not to blame for his drinking hun, IMHO it's trying to lay a cheap guilt trip on you when he's the one with the problem. If he's briefly tried AA and given up then I'd say he's still in denial of his problem

Will have another read later and think about it, but you take care of yourself and babs first

feelinggood_2

Hey All
Not had a chance to read much, but hope you all are doing well.
Things have settled down for me, I'm actually happy
Not drank for about 15 weeks, don't even miss it. Joined a gym and have lost over 3 and a half stone.
Its amazing the difference having a positive goal can make.
Keep at it all of you!
Ax

Westywoodpecker

Many Congratulations feelinggood :j

Well done on changing so much & sticking to it! I hope your very proud of yourself and enjoying the new you. Your an inspiration and I'm so pleased for you :A

Al_Mac

feelinggood wrote:

Not drank for about 15 weeks, don't even miss it.

Excellent:T

feelinggood wrote:

Joined a gym and have lost over 3 and a half stone

And again excellent:T

Haven't done it yet, but I'm bound to pile on the pounds:o I've been eating so much cr4p since I stopped.

Just dawned, I've been sleeping well, not to bad even in the heat:eek:

Nearly 12 weeks for me, hopefully I'll never catch you up;)

Twopints

Hi, everyone in here.

I have followed this thread since beer started it and and continue to be inspired by the postings and the ethos of this thread.

I have liked a drink since I was 16 - at which time I used to go to the pub in my village, drink 4 pints of Abbot Ale then several neat gins (no ice) walk the quarter of a mile home with a quick chuck at the bottom of my road. No problem. Party till you puke, then party some more - that was the motto.

I am now 43 and still like a drink. However, this thread has made me seriously consider my drinking behaviour to the extent that from 1st May I stopped drinking for 4 weeks. Now, since those dim 'n' distant days (i.e. when I was 16) I have moved from drinking at the pub to drinking at home - to the point where I was drinking probably 4-5 bottles of wine a week.

Since 1st May I have drunk 6 bottles of wine. I don't compare this to the journeys and battles that some of you are going through, every day and every minute. But, without this thread I would probably not have changed my behaviour and would have drunk 40 bottles of wine in this time.

So, you have saved me about £170 in 2 months :money: and possibly much more...

Your successes and the way you have freely contributed your thoughts and and feelings have been fantastic. I would like to thank all that have contributed to this thread for helping me to moderate if not completely stop my drinking.

There has been so much to learn and admire in this thread that I really can't thank you enough. I hope that all the regulars continue to post and inspire others through the expression of your thoughts, feelings and experiences - good and bad and all points between.

Sorry for the ramble but I have been meaning to post for some time to let you all know that the influence of the posts in this thread are not just limited to those that post - but then I'm sure you knew that anyway.

:beer:

jake2

:j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j

well done tiger 3months proud off you

:A :A :A :A :A :A :A :A :A :A :A :A :A

shirl xxxxxxx