Need advice please about my pregnant sister and abusive partner

minnie123

Hi,
I have just come back from my sisters house after her calling me earlier this afternoon in hysterics after her BF punched her arm and pushed her onto the sofa. She is 25 weeks pregnant. They row a lot because he has a really bad temper and gets very nasty - I believe this is the first time he has hit her (but he may have done before and her not told me). He was vile when I got to hers saying we were both slags and he was going to fill my BF and my Dad in and ruin my whole family basically being a disgusting person. I called his Mum and she came around and took him away - but I feel she is more on his side as she is saying my sister should go and stay with my Dad. But why should she be the one to leave - I wish I could put her up but I have a tiny 2 bed house and a baby so nowhere at mine except the sofa. My dad has a larger house BUT he had a stroke last year and is unable to clean and his house is basically unliveable (seriously she would camp on my sofa before going there). Her BF says he is going to go to a solicitor and get her out. What are her rights? She only works part time and he earns the majority of the money which is why he says she must go - but she is pregnant. Does she have a right to stay there until it's sorted out. What will she be entitled to? The mortgage is in joint names and they have approx £30k equity in the house. They have a car which he paid for but it's in her name worth approx £8k fully paid for. I am going to book a solicitors appointment to get some advice, but I am so worried about her I feel sick.

I can't believe someone can be so vile - they have been together nearly 9 years and this is their first baby - when they had the 20 week scan he called me so excited it was a boy. He is on medication for the anger but it's obviously not working. I never thought it would come to a break up but I think now she needs to part with him to protect the baby. He says he wants nothing to do with the baby anyway.

Any advice is greatly appreciated - My BF is going to change her locks in a bit BTW, amd her BF has gone out looking for some one to shag apparantly!?

princessamy86

Well he sounds just lovely. Sorry hun, I've no advice but wanted to say ((hugs)) for you and your sister, hope it all gets sorted out and I'm sure people will have loads of advice for you on here.

kazwookie

Did the BF take his medication today?

If not that may be the cause of him hitting your sister, maybe a trip to the doctors for him to see if he is on the right stuff and is taking it correctly.

shell_girl

Contact one of the numbers in my sig for your area- you or your sister can do it. They'll be able to offer her advice about exactly where she stands.

Give her time and space to talk about how she feels, try not to ask her too many questions or push too hard for her to make decisions straight away- she'll be in shock.

Unfortunately pregnancy is a 'trigger' for domestic abuse, Women's Aid ran an awareness campaign a few years ago with a picture of a heavily pregnant and bruised woman. Caption said something similar to 'at 19 weeks baby started kicking, at 22 weeks so did the father'.

Horrible situation for all of you.

RAS

Hi


Even if she intends staying in the house, she would benefits from getting advice from some of the charities listed here. http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1276963 it includes a link to the benefits calculator.

Since his name is on the deeds, she cannot legally lock him out without a court order. So she needs a solicitor pronto. You need to stop your BF making matter worse for her.

She needs to alert her midwife to the situation and get it recorded on her records, so she can evidence the incident in the future.

lizziem_2

Yes ditto what princessamy said. I hope you and your sis find a solution. Hugs to you, don't know anything about law so can't help there.

Could you and your BF not go to your dad's and give it a good clean so she can stay there? Is there a friend or neighbour who could help out? Or do you have any spare money to pay for a cleaner?

RAS

hi

if she leaves the house, then her situation may be more difficult re the house. Possession is 9 tenths of the law here and once the baby is born, their residence there could have a major impact on the final settlement.

minnie123

Thanks for replies - Even if we cleaned my dads which would take a whole weekend she can't stay with my dad since he had the stroke he is very demanding and she doesn't need it at the moment she needs to concentrate on herself.

I can't believe we can't change the locks when he has hit her - that is shocking..

mrcow

If she changes the locks, then he is legally entitled to kick the door in - it's his property too.

Seeing a solicitor is a good first move.
Have you contacted the police yet? Personally I would to keep everything on record.

minnie123

I have no spare money I have a 1 year old and we are on our !!!!!! ourself struggling - she can stay at mine but it's just she wants to stay in her house and it seems very unfair she is the one suffering because of him. Could she contact the police and get him to stay away until the split is sorted?

RAS

minnie123 wrote: »

I can't believe we can't change the locks when he has hit her - that is shocking..

I know - we have had a totally distraught OP whose joint possessions were being removed from the house by her addict ex and she was not allowed to lock him out because they were goods of the marriage. This despite the fact that she half owned them. The house was being gradually stripped so the children had access to less and less and he was taking any money she did not have on her person.