The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread! Part 4

maman

mumofboys wrote: »

Hi, I wonder if I could join your group? I feel desperately in need of some support, and know I have to curb my drinking habits. I am a regular bottle of wine a night girl, and I have three small kids - 6, 5 and 3. I feel tired, depressed, and I hate myself for not having the will power not to do it. I know I am setting a bad example for the kids, and feel sure my health is suffering. I don't want my boys to wind up without me. I lack motivation, and stare at the computer when I should be working. I have faced up to other issues this year - ie debt and money, and I am working hard to sort that out. I just know that I have to face this.

I am sorry I have rambled, but I am crying as I type....

Welcome mumofboys you'll get plenty of support on here.:hello: there are loads of us who started here as bottle-a-night people. Dry your tears and think what you'd like to achieve. Will you be a giver up or a cutter down? This thread is great for moral support and some people do other things as well(GP/AA/Counselling). Just hang on in there and keep reading, you'll soon feel at home.

winebox

mumofboys wrote: »

I am also the person that used to cry at This is your Life!

Oh dear.......;) :rotfl:

But seriously MOB, welcome, others have already said it all better than I can but you ARE in the right place.

Gotta whizz in a min (as in go home from work!!) but Jo how'd you get on?

Miss_Piggy_2

mumofboys wrote: »

Hi, I wonder if I could join your group? I feel desperately in need of some support, and know I have to curb my drinking habits. I am a regular bottle of wine a night girl, and I have three small kids - 6, 5 and 3. I feel tired, depressed, and I hate myself for not having the will power not to do it. I know I am setting a bad example for the kids, and feel sure my health is suffering. I don't want my boys to wind up without me. I lack motivation, and stare at the computer when I should be working. I have faced up to other issues this year - ie debt and money, and I am working hard to sort that out. I just know that I have to face this.

I am sorry I have rambled, but I am crying as I type....

Hi there Mumofboys and welcome to our batty bunch!

I can only reiterate what the others have said. This is a fantastic place for support and help.

I'm a mum to one boy (age 3) so can only imagine what its like having to deal with 3 kids every single day (my mum has always told me its hell:D).
And if you work as well then you must have a lot on your plate.

Lots of ((hugs))

Miss P
xx

jo1972

Ok, so I'm back :cool:

Before I start I'll just say that I've just typed this message and it's a long one so feel free to skip, I just needed to get some stuff down

Met the most lovely lady at the drug and alcohol place. Just to give you a picture of what she was like, she is black, a 'larger' lady, probably from North London with a proper London accent and tells it like it is, lots of tough love but compassionate and understanding. She's a locum alcohol practitioner there, the system has changed since the last time(s) I've been there, they don't offer ongoing counselling as much anymore but refer you to other services which would be appropriate to your problem.

She asked my history, I explained about my secret drinking and previous attempts to stop, my previous 2 detoxes and counselling and psycotherapy (sp?) etc. At first she said she was going to refer me to a group day group but then decided that that probably wouldn't work. So now she is going to see me for an hour once a week for four weeks. She was concerned that wouldn't be enough as my main problem is relapse but said we'll see how it goes. All I need are the tools to stay stopped, I enjoy being sober but have a problem staying that way. In our 4 meetings she said she will give me the confidence to stay sober, work out why I become complacent and pick up again and help me deal with the triggers and learn to plan my day so that I am prepared should the bells ring, whether it be over the next month or year or in decades time.

She thinks I'm suffering depression, though we're not sure if this is due to drinking or not, and anxiety which is due to the drinking.

My biggest problem is honesty, it's the drinking in secret which she says is like a game, it's my gameplan and I don't let anybody else play, ie. I keep it a secret and won't tell anybody. I need to be more honest and if I have a hope of staying sober I need it out in the open.....this is the biggest problem for me as it means telling OH :eek: BUT this is the ONLY way to continue.

As long as I continue to keep it a secret, even if I am sober from this day forward, I will always be hiding my illness and then in turn be in danger of relapsing as the support won't be there because he's not even aware the problem is there in the first place.

As I've said previously, but some newer members won't know...my OH's mum was an alcoholic, she was a binge drinker. She drank for 4, 5, 6 days solid day and night and then was comatose for a week where we couldn't even rouse her. She refused to believe she had a problem, even though she couldn't even get herself from the sofa to the toilet in the next room so used a bucket for that purpose and to vomit in when she'd drunk too much. The floor was covered in empty cans and martini bottles, she paid the teenage neighbour to get her benefit and go to the offy to buy her drink. She died aged 56, she looked in her late 60's, she died of alcohol related illnesses. OH loved his mum so much but hated her as well, hated watching her kill herself and hated having to look after her like that.

The first time I told him I had a problem in 2006 he was angry (not in a violent way, he's not like that) but quickly calmed down and supported my counselling and tried to make things easier for me. The second time I told him I was back at square 1 last year, he really wasn't happy, said that 'he' didn't want to have to go through it again and he said the first time that he would support me but I can't do it again because he won't support me. He did calm down and support me, although I didn't talk about it much and neither did he. He knew I was detoxing and having counselling but I think because I was embarrased that I'd failed and had to 'fess up' to my deception and secret drinking that it was humiliating so I had no problem not discussing it.

Now, here we are again, my first step is to be honest, it's the only way I can continue and make it work, if I don't tell him then I'll always be hiding. I'm scared. I'm not scared he's gonna leave me or scream at me, I know he will support me once he calms down and he can see I've got a hold of the situation and I'm doing something about it (this is the reason I wouldn't have told him before my initial meeting today because I needed to know what was going to happen). I'm scared of owning up and having him be disappointed in me, realising that I've been lying and deceiving him for the last year. It's humiliating and at the moment I don't feel all that great, I'm apprehensive, I've got to do it today or it won't happen at all.

She told me to start cutting down on units by a can this week, but I want to stop, I'm an all or nothing person and I will start panicking the minute I know I don't have 6 cans in the house. She said that they can't advise to stop just like that because it's so dangerous but if that's what I decide to do then she can't stop me, but obviously to be aware of the withdrawals and ring GP or 999 if necessary, doubt it will come to that but I know what I'm looking out for.

She told me that the only thing she 'expects' me to do today is to go home cook a meal for the whole family and actually eat it, I can't remember the last time I sat down and ate in the evening. She made me promise that I will eat a meal and then sit OH down and tell him :eek:

DD1 has just asked if she can go round her BFs later so she will probably be out of the way which is a good thing.

So that's where I am at the moment, wish me luck guys :undecided

That's it, I'm typed out, apologies for the long one peeps :cool:

mumofboys_2

Jo1972, I feel dreadful about having thrown such a wobbly earlier. I think you are amazing. You have obviously been struggling and you are really facing it. I think you are an inspiration. I know you have clearly been through a lot with the others on this board, and I am the new girl, but I will be thinking of you tonight.

MOB

jo1972

mumofboys wrote: »

Jo1972, I feel dreadful about having thrown such a wobbly earlier. I think you are amazing. You have obviously been struggling and you are really facing it. I think you are an inspiration. I know you have clearly been through a lot with the others on this board, and I am the new girl, but I will be thinking of you tonight.

MOB

Oh god, I've got tears in my eyes now :rolleyes: don't you dare feel dreadful about your 'wobbler', I don't even think you had a wobbler, you are just asking for help. As we've said earlier, this thread is for people wanting to cut down or give up, we are all at different stages in our journeys and we are all going along different paths. I am an alcoholic and have been for 16 years just never had 100% of the correct tools to stay sober, hopefully this time it will work

With regard to your speaking to your GP, I think it's a good idea but only you know your drinking history and how worried you are about your drinking future. Take things slowly, decide where you want to be and do everything in your own time. I've found that nothing ever works if you're forced to do something or you don't really believe in it. It's your journey, nobody elses. You have taken the biggest step today, well done :T:T:T cut yourself some slack now and decide what you want to do, in your OWN time

barshamhillbilly

Jo - He will be fine. Don't worry ... just cook him chilli chicken first

I have to say - I still find it hard to believe that he doesn't already know . Mrs BHB can smell a can of stella on me at 100 paces , and vice versa a glass of red wine one her.
Sorry - probably shouldn't say that but was the first thing that came into my head

xx

barshamhillbilly

mumofboys wrote: »

Jo1972, I feel dreadful about having thrown such a wobbly earlier. I think you are amazing. You have obviously been struggling and you are really facing it. I think you are an inspiration. I know you have clearly been through a lot with the others on this board, and I am the new girl, but I will be thinking of you tonight.

MOB

Thats not a wobbler :D:D:D

jo1972

barshamhillbilly wrote: »

Jo - He will be fine. Don't worry ... just cook him chilli chicken first

I have to say - I still find it hard to believe that he doesn't already know . Mrs BHB can smell a can of stella on me at 100 paces , and vice versa a glass of red wine one her.
Sorry - probably shouldn't say that but was the first thing that came into my head

xx

I'm cooking a chicken madras :drool:

You are obviously not a professional alky like me then Andy, I buy 6 Stella and 1 Kaliber or Bitburger, put the non-alcoholic one open on the side and secretly drink the stella stash. If he ever asks if I've been drinking then I show him the decoy one :cool:

Sorry, it's actually not funny, that's the first thing the woman said to me this morning too! It's hard work having a drinking problem! The deceptiveness of it is one of the symptoms of the problem.

barshamhillbilly

jo1972 wrote: »

I'm cooking a chicken madras :drool:

You are obviously not a professional alky like me then Andy, I buy 6 Stella and 1 Kaliber or Bitburger, put the non-alcoholic one open on the side and secretly drink the stella stash. If he ever asks if I've been drinking then I show him the decoy one :cool:

Aha - see your point .... Clever but deceptive as you say :rolleyes:

My second choice would have been chicken curry :rotfl::rotfl:
Make it really hot, so hot he can't talk

Best wishes
Andy
xx