The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

lisawood78

Good luck today Juju!

sexki11en

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Some time ago someone posted a poem on this thread about how much we'll love and cherish our children when we're finally blessed with them, I dont suppose anyone knows what that poem was ?

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.


I keep this poem in my filofax. It's with me at all times. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just makes me cry. I saw it posted here when we first started our journey, over 2 long years ago and I knew even then we'd need it.

SK x

liloandstitch

Thanks for posting that sexk!tten, that is really beautiful and so very true XX

Enjoy your chilling, Chickpea

Good weekend everyone - Im half way through my 2WW and I have boobs like 2 lumps of concrete. I really must sort out my prolactin levels cos Im getting this every month at the moment and they 'beep' hurt!

Lilo

QQuaver

Thank you Sexki11en:)

PinkPeach

Hi ladies, I've not posted on here for a while as I'm more of a lurker, but as you've all been so helpful when I've had questions I thought I'd give you an update.

I'm currently in my 2WW after having ICSI and had my embro transfer on Monday. To begin with I felt excited and positive about it, until without thinking sensibly I took my dog out who tends to tug somewhat on the lead and carried a shopping bag. Understandably my husband was cross with me and matters were made worse yesterday when we were told none of our 3 other embryos were ok to freeze. I wondered out loud whether that ment the one inside me was also no good and that made my husband more annoyed with me as he feels I've never been positive about the treatment, which is true. I'd felt hopeful after the transfer as it seemed exciting until then but now feel like it won't work.

I really struggled being told we'd need ICSI. It seemed so drastic and sudden after my husband found out he had sperm motility problems and on top of that several friends fell pregnant immediatley at the same time. It put me on a complete downer about our treatment and I burried my head in the sand about everything. My husband was the complete opposite and was very positive and interested in the treatment but I guess I felt overwhelmed and scared it wouldn't work that I almost didnt' want to know. Normally I'm the positive one in the relationship and it's almost as if we've switched roles so I don't think he can comprehend why I feel this way as it's just not like me.

I really want us to have a baby but am now worried and upset that me walking my dog, carrying a bag (which wasn't particularly heavy but my husband thought I should have asked him to do it) plus my negative attitude will prevent the treatment working. My husband seems to think that if I'd been positive from the very start of this that it would influence the outcome. Pehaps it would but lots of ladies unfortunatley don't get pregnant even though they are positive about the treatment. I guess I'm worried he'll blame me if it doesn't work even though you'd never know either way if it was that or nature.

Sorry for the rambling and for being 'down'. I've got no-one else to tell this to that would understand.

Good luck to you all anyway, it's a difficult journey we're on:o

lisawood78

Ahh PP.

I feel your pain. Am nearing the end of yet another 2ww here (8th IVF cycle) and it is so easy to go insane.

Walking your dog and carrying a bag won't have hurt anything hun. There is very little, if anything you can do to affect the outcome once that ET has happened, it'll either work or not, and no exercising ,dog walking, shopping or anything else is gonna change it.

A positive attitude is also very hard to come by when you have poured so much effort into getting this far it is so hard to think of the outcome part, in any kind of light, you do not want to set yourself up for a fall afterall.

Que se ra and all that.

Your husband shouldn't be annoyed with you, but it is hard on them also, in ways I guess we can't imagine.

As for having none to freeze, there are many reasons why they won't freeze, sometimes you could have a whole raft full of embryos that they would happily transfer but that they wouldn't freeze simply due to not meeting the criteria, it isn't all about quality. And the one you did have put back would have a much better chance in the correct environment rather than a petri dish.

Good luck hun, hang on it there.

Oh yes, and the HCG trigger shot you probably took will be wearing off right now, along with any good feelings that came with it, halfway through a treatment cycle 2ww is a typical time to feel sad and really down about the chances, it is normal.

LW78
x

plumpmouse

PinkPeach wrote: »

Hi ladies, I've not posted on here for a while as I'm more of a lurker, but as you've all been so helpful when I've had questions I thought I'd give you an update.

I'm currently in my 2WW after having ICSI and had my embro transfer on Monday. To begin with I felt excited and positive about it, until without thinking sensibly I took my dog out who tends to tug somewhat on the lead and carried a shopping bag. Understandably my husband was cross with me and matters were made worse yesterday when we were told none of our 3 other embryos were ok to freeze. I wondered out loud whether that ment the one inside me was also no good and that made my husband more annoyed with me as he feels I've never been positive about the treatment, which is true. I'd felt hopeful after the transfer as it seemed exciting until then but now feel like it won't work.

I really struggled being told we'd need ICSI. It seemed so drastic and sudden after my husband found out he had sperm motility problems and on top of that several friends fell pregnant immediatley at the same time. It put me on a complete downer about our treatment and I burried my head in the sand about everything. My husband was the complete opposite and was very positive and interested in the treatment but I guess I felt overwhelmed and scared it wouldn't work that I almost didnt' want to know. Normally I'm the positive one in the relationship and it's almost as if we've switched roles so I don't think he can comprehend why I feel this way as it's just not like me.

I really want us to have a baby but am now worried and upset that me walking my dog, carrying a bag (which wasn't particularly heavy but my husband thought I should have asked him to do it) plus my negative attitude will prevent the treatment working. My husband seems to think that if I'd been positive from the very start of this that it would influence the outcome. Pehaps it would but lots of ladies unfortunatley don't get pregnant even though they are positive about the treatment. I guess I'm worried he'll blame me if it doesn't work even though you'd never know either way if it was that or nature.

Sorry for the rambling and for being 'down'. I've got no-one else to tell this to that would understand.

Good luck to you all anyway, it's a difficult journey we're on:o

Just delurking to say try not to worry too much!! During my 3rd (successful) treatment of puregon injection I was so incredibly negative and just assumed it hadn't work as the fertility nurse seemed to imply the eggs I had were at the very bottom of acceptable.

Also with regards to carrying etc. During the 2ww for the same cycle I carried my 7 year old to the doctor as he was so poorly he couldn't walk.

I found it so incredibly difficult to cope with the injections and hormones I had. Every one copes in different ways.

I hope it works for you both!

liloandstitch

Hugs to you Pinkpeach, it is a really tough time. Lisa put it really, really well - you cant influence the outcome - what will be, will be. I hope it all goes well for you - pull up a seat whenever you want, and enjoy a good brew!

Lilo

jiblets1

PinkPeach, I agree with everything Lisa said. You won't have affected your chances with walking and carrying a little, the dice are rolled now - it's time to wait. I think your husband is finding it hard to play the positive role, which isn't usually his, and it's coming out as him taking it out on you a little. Be pleased that he cares so much. ICSI is great, it only takes one sperm, so they pick the best of the bunch, donk it on the head and pop it in to the egg. And the womb really is the best place for your little embaby. We lost several embryos prior to transfer, it really is common - hopefully the one tucked up warm inside you is the only one you'll need. Try to distract yourself these next few days, you'll be there at test day before you know it. It's nice to think positive for your sanity, but it really makes no difference. A twitter friend of mine went through a lot to get her BFP, and she was so convinced she had no chance. Here's her blog when she was in her 2ww - she's 14 weeks pg now!
You've still got every chance, try not to ring the death knell yet.
Good luck PP and Lisa - everything's crossed for you both.

onestep

Just got my AMH results.. 2.4