Wedding dilemma- No kids rule!!

lilmisschick

Hi sorry for the long post but I really need some advice....

Me and my fiance decided as we're only having a very small intimate wedding, we wouldn't have kids at the ceremony, speeches and meal but they can all be invited in the evening for the reception.

We are only having 40 guests during the day and when I looked at the possibility of having some if not all kids, it would end up another 18 guests and that would be a THIRD of our wedding party as children, no no no no, lol. I don't think I'd hear anything or enjoy it. I simply cannot pick and choose out of the them so it was all or nothing. Everyone's happy with that and will bring them in the evening. My parents initially were disappointed because they want their grandchildren there, my nieces but thats still a total of 9 girls - and then I would feel bad as I am actually closer to my best friends two kids.

Anyway, all of these monkeys (or children, lol) are on my side of the family and my fiance has none we have to worry about, until......

He phoned today today whilst at work and said that his mums two sisters and husbands who live a 4 hour drive from us hadn't been on the invite list. Mainly because I had never met them and my fiance never sees them, last time was 6 years ago. Well one of these couples has two children aged 10 and 12 and my fiance said they can come as its exceptional circumstances but as far as I am concerned, I have never met them, he has not seen them for 6-7 years and that would have been brief and I feel like I would be offending all of my close relatives and friends by having these children that are strangers, I don't even know their names? I told him I didn't think it was fair and he said, well they're not really kids as such but I have said no to 13,14 and 15 yr olds on my side!!

So what do I do? Sound like a mean old cow and tell this anunty and uncle that its a no kid function, (and if they're not kids as such, I don't see a problem with them being left back home with relatives/ friends for one day/ night) or offend my family and friends who are going to think, who on earth are these two children and you've said no to children that have been very much in your life forever?

HELP!!!!!!

neneromanova

I would personally say no kids. Remember, this is your day, not a day to make your guests happy. If you don't want ANY kids there then just say so. Plus the fact you haven't seen them for 6 years I wouldn't have even invited them personally (my OH is strict about that kinda thing)

Good Luck with what you decide!

s4aRainyDay

be strong-No kids!

Loonytoons

I would love to say no kids at mine other than my children and nieces/nephews which is a total of 6 but unfortunately i have cousins travelling quite a way so they wouldn't be able to make it if they couldn't bring their kids. We're only having 40 adults at the meal and potentially 20 kids :eek: but don't feel like i have any choice. I know it's my day but i'm dreading offending people :rolleyes: In your case though i agree with you and think your close friends would be slightly miffed if long lost relatives were able to bring their kids but they weren't. I don't think i'd be too happy at that. Tough one, good luck with what you decide and i hope it doesn't cause any problems for you and your OH

chnelomi

I have been to a wedding where this has happened and i will warn you now if you back down and agree to these to kids you will upset other people. It is almost the same situation as my friend she said no kids and that was fine until a cousin decided she wanted to come (she had declined originally) after lots of family presure and the arguments of single mum cant afford baby sitter and everyone else would be at the wedding etc so my friend said ok just her then.

Won't go into it to much but lets just say some people had paid for overnight baby sitters etc to be at the wedding and were not happy at kids being there. all was well (whispers)until the drinks started flowing and the bride was left in tears accused of favoritism and we ended up having to send everyone away early.

Please dont do it. Its every child or none.
Just read that back and it sounds awful but it's what happened and one of the reasons we are not getting married OH's family are mad and i refuse to have kids that won't do as they are told at my wedding. They are the type to bring them anyway despite them having ruined a christening swearing in the church:mad:amongst other things.

rinroo

I think if you have said No to kids especially children that you see often then it should be a No to them too. As I can see your guests beeing a bit miffed with it all, if you allow 2 children to attend that you dont know.

Just out of interest what are your siblings doing with their children whilst they are attend your wedding?

I have 18 children attending the whole of my wedding, 2 of my own 14 niece and nephews (all my side)and my best friends 2 children. I think I can get away with saying no to kids for the evening reception as i'll just be over run with them - besides I think the parents would prefer a night off lol.

lilmisschick

Thanks for all your replies!! Phew, I don't feel so bad now!! Can I just add, not that its particularly important, we have our two daughters at the whole thing but thats because they are bridesmaids and not guests in my eyes!! If you know what I mean?!!

rinroo wrote: »

Just out of interest what are your siblings doing with their children whilst they are attend your wedding?

They are all having to leave after the meal to collect them from babysitters/ other relatives etc.. for the reception- unless they are getting them dropped off, not too sure of their plans but its going to be a hassle for them all whatever they do. Thats about 9 couples in total!

xx

lindaatno9

Well, I think it will be lovely for those with kids to have an adult day so should be happy to arrange babysitters. I know I would.
There is something about no kids somewhere. I shall hunt it out!!!

debtfreein4years

stick with your original decision as people have said if you have one set of kids its just going to cause hassle.

im having a no kid wedding but am going to have to make an exception for my cousins as they are coming over from australia for the wedding and i cant very well turn round and say they cant come as my aunt and uncle cant leave them with friends as they will be 5 and 3 when i get married.

good luck

hayley11

I would stand firm. You don't want to risk upsetting your close friends and family just for the sake of some people you don't even know. This is your day and you really do have to be very firm with some people.

You don't have to justify your children being there, they're your children!

nat82

When we were planning our bigger wedding for next year we decided that we wanted children there, we have 2 ourselves and for us including children as part of our day meant alot. We have since downsized our wedding dramatically to 30 guests and we are doing it next week with only a small civil ceremony and a meal after. We are having our own 2 kids and our 3 nephews but had to draw the line at friends kids (there would have been another 5 kids) due to the number of people that the mariage room can hold (we're at the maximum) plus I think it's going to be a terribly boring day for them as we're only having some music after the meal and a few drinks, so not really a traditional wedding if you like.

I think you should stick to your no kids rule for everyone or else you're going to have some very disgruntled guests at your wedding. It's nice that you're having the formal part adults only and then having the kids later on for the fun part, I think that's a nice comprimise, so stick to your guns!