i DONT WANT TO BE HERE

top_drawer_2

hello,

I honestly dont have a clue where to start to tell this tale. I suffer badly with depression and anxiety and have considered taking my own life on more ocassions than I want to go over. Life just seems so damm hard and endless, each time I think I have it cracked it something will knock me on my knees and i'm back at square one again.

This time its my housemates, I live with a bunch of girls and we seem(ed) to get along to a greater extent. I have caused a lot of problems recently (along with others, although this seems to be forgotten) with talking about people/issues as I find it so difficult to deal with people face to face. There are a number of different personalities who I live with, one in particular, lets call her S causes many problems as she seems to not give a monkeys about anyone and often does/says things which are selfish and completely out for herself, she has two people in the house who she has alliances with.

I often just feel so frustrated with this person as she causes so many problems and is the BIGGEST personality in the house that other people (not her alliances) have mentioned moving on from the house. These are the ones I got along with up until this last week or so when I have cut myself off from them (and they havent seemed to bothered tbh). The big personality in the house had a massive rant that she is sick of me hanging around the house (just finished uni, looking for work) bringing the atmosphere down.

Anyway it seems everyone has scattered now and tonight her and her mates are off somewhere (everyone was asked but me) and I dont want to go home now.

What hurts is that we have been off the internet for awhile (one of the alliances didnt pay her bill which connected us) and one of the girls I thought I was ok with has given her spare dongle to the other girl (who I also thought I got along with) and not offered me any use etc. She knows I cant afford to get a dongle at the moment and am struggling with the local library access. I lent her my plug adaptor last night as I couldnt see the point in saying no to it but it just always seems to be this way. I give and give and give and others take and take and take.... there must be something wrong with me to make people treat me like this and I honestly dont know what it is.

Thanks - its difficult to think properly and type when I am in so close proximity to people sat at side of me.

MH

Jenny_Wren_3

top-drawer, I couldn't read this and go without saying something. I don't have any specific advice about your housemates but having suffered from severe depression myself in the past I wanted to let you know that life does get better, there is a light there at the end of the tunnel. Sending you a big virtual hug, and I hope that everything works out ok for you.

RAS

Hi

I think you need talk to someone about your general depression - are you still registered at the university health centre or at a local GP practice? What about the Students' Union Welfare Officer?

Beyond that I am going to pick up one comment

one of the girls I thought I was ok with has given her spare dongle to the other girl (who I also thought I got along with) and not offered me any use etc.

The reason the girl who also thought you got along with has been lent the dongle is that she ASKED. She did not wait to be offered.

In much the same way the reason S gets so much is because she asks and you do not. And she expects to get the answer yes, OK.

People actually find it a lot easier to deal with other people who say specifically what they want than with people who do not know what they want. Call it selfish or just focussed but they are more likely to get what they want.

Until you start asking, you will not get.

So

Tomorrow, ask if you can borrow the dongle for a period over the weekend.

Next week contact your university career advice service who should offer you computer access for job-hunting.

top_drawer_2

Jenny_Wren wrote: »

top-drawer, I couldn't read this and go without saying something. I don't have any specific advice about your housemates but having suffered from severe depression myself in the past I wanted to let you know that life does get better, there is a light there at the end of the tunnel. Sending you a big virtual hug, and I hope that everything works out ok for you.

I hope so, it so hard to talk properly in the library with people watching me sniffing and so on. I just dont know where to put myself.

I've seen the GP and he has given me some tablets, 3-6 weeks now to wait before I might feel better. SU no help at all.
GOT TO GO - SESSION ENDED

spirit

I sympathise with you TD, it's very difficult I know when you get these big personalities to deal with.

My DD was much like you when she was sharing a house when at uni (only just finished herself). One or two of the other housemates treated her like that and she was too shy to say anything. Occasionally her food/drink/treats would go missing. It's hard facing up to these people.

My DD moved to another house for the last year and got on much better with the people there. Partly due to increased confidence but again there was some lad who tried to take her stuff but she just had it out with him and told him straight.

So i would advise you to stand up for yourself a bit - in a nice way. If you don't make your presence felt then they will treat you as if you are invisible. They don't mean to be horrid, it's just how some folk are.

Ask to use the dongle and ask if you can join in the social activities.

If after all that it still isn't pleasant then move on.

suzybaby2001

I had this when I was at uni. This (I can't even think of an appropriate word) girl I lived with tried to turn my friends against me, purposefully left me out of everything and made my life hell for a year. One of my friends refused to go along with it and we carried on spending our normal amount of time together, doing uni work in our rooms etc as we were on the same course. This girl also started on her. I'm sure it was a self esteem issue, she was probably really insecure. She used to say things like the following. When I got together with my then boyfriend she'd say to me "he's only with you because he likes sleeping with you" and so on. Seven and a half years later, we're getting married in 8 weeks time so obviously not just that then....!

My only advice would be, if you can get out of this situation then do. That was the only thing that kept me going, knowing that I would be moving on from that house. Also, I would say that what happened wasn't the only cause of my ongoing troubles (which are now resolved thanks to a fantastic counseller), I was treated for depression about 6 months later, then was fine for a bit, then suffered with an eating disorder for a year. Such household issues found a way to affect my mental health however I am now fine (I hope!!).

The worst thing is, being trapped in what is really your own home, the one place where you can go to relax etc, and when you have such awful people living you you feel like there's nowhere to go.

I hope everything goes ok for you x

mrcow

Why are you putting up with this crap?

If you've just finished uni, can you not go back to your parents until graduation? Why are you hanging around there - and how long have you paid your rent up until?

I'd be giving notice and forgetting the lot of them. You've got more constructive things to be doing with your time than dealing with rubbish like this. I'm sure your family wouldn't want you staying in a place where you felt so unhappy.

MummyMoo

I've had Bipolar for 13 years but only recent had the label stuck to it (MAJOR relief for me). My major downfall is social interaction, to such a point that I recently lost my job because my personality was too harsh.
Anyway, there are two options here for you -1) mope and let it get you down, and be forever known by your mates as the whingy one or 2) think practically and consider how you can take action, Im not talking war, Im talking about changing situations so that they are more what you desire.

Curlywurli

mrcow wrote: »

Why are you putting up with this crap?

If you've just finished uni, can you not go back to your parents until graduation? Why are you hanging around there - and how long have you paid your rent up until?

I'd be giving notice and forgetting the lot of them. You've got more constructive things to be doing with your time than dealing with rubbish like this. I'm sure your family wouldn't want you staying in a place where you felt so unhappy.

I second that! I haven't had any issues to do with depression so I won't pretend to know how that feels but uni was the worst period of my life. I hated every single part of it. In my last year I had a major bust up with friends that I lived with and just used to sit in my room hiding. As soon as I could I left. I hadn't wanted to go home after, but it was better than sitting on my own trying to pretend I wasn't in the flat so I didn't get any hassle. Nine years later I still feel upset when I think about it. It may not be the answer to all of what you're feeling, but perhaps you may feel better if you have a good support network around you?

Liquorice_Twirls

Your university will have a counselling service which you might be able to access more quickly than at your GPs. They may also be able to offer you other support that will enable you to cope better with this situation. It is probably a student support service rather than the students union.

I hear you saying how you have considered taking your life before and hope that if you start to feel like this again you will feel able to talk to someone about it - a good friend, a tutor you trust or your GP or nurse at the university.

Samaritans are always ready to listen to anyone, you don't have to feel this low to ring them.

Posting on here is a first step, I hope you can ask for and get the support you need, take care.

Fire_Fox

top_drawer wrote: »

I hope so, it so hard to talk properly in the library with people watching me sniffing and so on. I just dont know where to put myself.

I've seen the GP and he has given me some tablets, 3-6 weeks now to wait before I might feel better. SU no help at all.
GOT TO GO - SESSION ENDED

(((((hugs)))))

You should feel some relief within two weeks of starting anti-depressants (I am a qualified pharmacy technician, amongst other things!). If not you must go back to the doctor and get your dose adjusted or try a different medication. I had to try three types before I got mirtazepine which worked like a charm and I still take after five/ six years.

Also ask if the doctor will refer you to you local 'exercise for health' scheme or try to find out if there are any mental health support groups running free group fitness sessions or try a 'walking for health' group. All of these should be free and will get you out of that horrible house. :j Regular exercise and healthy eating do help relieve depression and anxiety, it's proven by scientific studies and by the fact that I am here today!!

PM me if you need to, I am online almost every day. :A