DON't want to leave, but need a life.

valos_mummy

Killers....Green Day.....may I just say, lady, you sound COOL!! :D:D

Everyone on here has given great advice so nothing I can really add, I like the holiday idea from Janey though.

You are no way past it, and you really don't deserve to be stuck in a crappy relationship with a miserable man, you deserve to have some FUN :beer:

Life is too short to worry about little things like what other people think etc. I should know, last night me and my family scattered my dad's ashes. He died last year from cancer at 63. He would have been 65 yesterday and he had plans for travelling with mom and getting out there when he retired, which he never got to do We were talking about how you never know what will happen, so you have to live for the day, sod the whingers and be happy!

So get out there, and BE HAPPY!! :A

londoner1998

Hello Mutter

you sound like such a vibrant person, I woudl love to take you out! I am 34, but in the past two years I can totally relate to the way you feel. I lived in London for 10 years, and apart from my boyfriend (29) and a couple of other friends who live abroad, I also seem to be surrounded by prematurely old, beaten people who can only talk about their illnesses and how difficult it is to be 40 and single... As you can see it has nothing to do with biological age!! So:
you seem to be in great mental and physical shape and love dancing- so go dancing- I can assure you nobody will find you repellent- I have danced with older men and they were absolutely lovely, I tell my boyfriend to learn from them.
The youngest person I know is 90 (!). He is my yoga master (lives in India though), with a fantastic sense of humour and interest in everything around him but I have a teacher here who is getting close to 80 herself and is such a babe- seriously, she never stops and has an apetite for life that I would want for myself- who about a yoga class/swimming? You will find all sorts of people there, many with similar interests to your and probably younger people with a very open attitude.

GO out, go for coffee, to go bookshops, parks, museums, galleries, concerts...whatever! Treat yourself! YOu will find all sorts of people around you, amny of them as your as you are.
BBC free tickets? Great shows being tapped and young audiences up for a laugh: www.bbc.co.uk/tickets...

Enjoy!

belfastgirl23

Okay a lot of people have written really supportive posts here and you should listen to them because they are right.

I'm going to say something a bit different and probably a bit tough, but keep it mind I'm trying to help.

Your post comes across as if you are seeing yourself entirely as a victim of your husband. Yes he's an idiot but you've chosen to stay with him through all of the awful things you describe. You probably have your own reasons (liking the house and fear of being alone) but that doesn't make it any less of a choice. The life you are living now is the life you are choosing to live. No one else can do anything about changing it but you. yes it is scary to leave. But you have to make the choice.

I really think you have the ability to sort your life out for the better. But blaming your husband isn't enough any more. He isn't responsible for your life, you are. What do YOU want? Put aside the fear and the worries. And try to take your future into your own hands. Yes it's a step into the unknown but if the known is as awful as you say then what's to lose?

Pee

I think you are just meeting the wrong people of your own age. Most people in their 60's do not talk about operations all the time! I think you have a negative view of age, the older men you might have to dance with, how a younger man would feel about dancing with you... our value in life is not determined by our age.

Dancing sounds a brilliant idea.

Another thought is local commitees. This might be for a show or a carnival or a festival. They usually need a lot more helpers and this can be a way of making you feel included and expanding your social circle with various people.

You say about working with young chefs. Are there any work opportunities for you - possibly voluntary - that would involve meeting more and younger people?

I think you have a great future ahead of you. Please keep us updated!

margaretclare

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

I think that's being a little unfair TBH. My mum is 61 and she doesn't spend her days talking about her hysterectomy. My dad is 62, he also doesn't act like a decrepit old man.
I would aim to try and friends of ANY age to begin with, don't just judge people by their age. After all you wouldn't want people to judge you by yours.
Sign up for dance clases etc and see who you meet. Anything had to be better than festering at home. And I wouldn't focus too much on whether they like the same music as you. I have friends who are into much different music to me but it doesn't stop us being friends.

At 62 I was still working, 5 years after widowhood/redundancy. At that age I fell in love all over again (autumn 1997), he moved in with me 3 weeks later, we married in January 2002.

I do NOT discuss operations, although there are plenty that I could discuss, both of us in fact - for the last few years we've had the whole 'in sickness and in health' bit up to last autumn when he developed septicaemia and nearly died. For us now, every day is a day to be lived to the full, to enjoy each other's company and to value what we have.

I'm in my mid-70s and I sometimes think that I have little in common with many of my age-group either. DH and I were talking only yesterday - he keeps being asked 'now we've got to our age why we don't go on a cruise?' Reason: we prefer other forms of holiday, more independent, not organised by other people. And I can't stand Tom Jones, or bingo!!

To me, it looks as if the OP hasn't got a marriage at all. She describes it as 'just a piece of paper'. If that is all that it is, then I would think, it's time to get out and start afresh. But she loves her house. Well, the house is bricks-and-mortar. DH walked away from his without a second thought. I would go.

The other thought is, she misses her dog. Well, again, there are huge numbers of 'rescued' dogs out there who would love a good home.

HTH

merlin68

Being in a similar boat even though 41.
I have decided to live my own life and get out and about.
I've joined the wi great fun, the guild and the flower club.
I've enrolled for 3 courses starting in september.
I go to bingo 2 a week.
am doing an ou degree.
and have found 2 dance classes and a yoga class which starts in september.
I have also put my name down for voluntering.
Life is out there, you just have to look for things to do.

skintchick

Mutter wrote: »

So who do I real partner dance with bandroi? I'm happy to do a workshop, what worries me is some young fella having to take my hand and nearly puking over having to partner an old woman.

I also find elderly gentleman revolting. all those wrinkles.
Howard Keel yes. Not many like him. Yes I know Howard Keel is dead, before the onslaught. lol

I do salsa, and I dance with anyone! It doesn;t matter because in a class you rotate round everyone there and in social dancing you just dance with whoever asks you. Some of the ugliest people are fantastic dancers (ugly men make more effort I think!) and the dance is all that matters.

You can also go on dance weekends/holidays and again you will meet all kinds of people and you WILL get asked to dance.

Mutter_2

Thanks all. I will leave it now as my post has little to do with money saving. I have taken on-board all you've said.

Valos, so sorry. What a dreadful day. x

BillTrac

Mutter,

just because this is a money saving site doesn't mean that people will want you to to stop posting. It can be about people saving as well.

Keep us updated, get your life on track and get out and get em girl..

Best of luck whatever you do

go on, grow older disgracefully

foreign_correspondent

Mutter, get rid of him, you sound miserable and life is too bl00dy short. My mum is single, she is five years older than you.... she has just bought a sports car, has a mad but beautiful rescue dog (who I thought would be far too much for her - I was wrong - she walks miles with her and they are both as eccentric as each other!), is internet dating (off to lunch with a different fella every week, amy of them twenty years younger) and she is off on her holidays in spain this week, exploring and relaxing on her own...

of course, life is not all roses for her either, she gets lonely sometimes, but she is free to do her own thing, and gets on with it! How old is your daughter btw - is she still at home?