Destructive teen

freyasmum

You need to have a talk with him and tell him you won't put up with his childish behaviour. If that means that he has to find somewhere else (my cousin bunked with a friend's parents and then her aunt when her and her mum had a huge fall out), then that's what it means. It's his choice, but he cannot continue to treat you like that.

I also agree about the pocket money, I wouldn't be giving him any. It's teaching him that he doesn't have to be responsible for himself/his actions.

I hope things get better soon.

jenhug

YOU GIVE HIM POCKET MONEY??????
He should be paying rent.
Sling him out, let him see the real world.

JoolzS

Throw him out. Don't worry about how he will cope - his actions scare you which means he doesn't deserve your concern.

If you are afraid of him, then simply don't let him back into your home. Let him discover how cruel the world can be all by himself.

Julie

Penny-Pincher!!

If you are really concerned then you could contact Social Services as they have a duty to any child up to the age of 18. They may be able to help him find a new home like a bedsit etc.

PP
xx

wolfehouse

parenting a teen is a really tough job
there is no excuse for destroying property or verbal agression to you. none.
if you do decide to throw him out there are supported projects for young people like foyer
http://www.foyer.net/

i was having to consider the same but when i set my boundaries firmly things calmed down. (for now)

if you need moral support there is also parentline
http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/

Nenen

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

If you are really concerned then you could contact Social Services as they have a duty to any child up to the age of 18. They may be able to help him find a new home like a bedsit etc.

PP
xx

Social Servies are so overstretched I think it is unlikely you will be able to get much help from them - although it is certainly worth a try. However Parentline may be better bet.
http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/

Personally, I would not allow a young adult to stay in my house and damage my things in this way, particularly if I felt threatened by him. Out of interest, was your ex-husband violent and abusive towards you? Is your son mimicing behaviour he witnessed his dad doing? If this was the case then family therapy (for you and your son - not your ex) might help. I think your GP might be able to refer you.

Spirit_2

Many 17 year olds are in fulltime education and in no position to pay 'keep'. It is entirely reasonable that they have a part-time job and earn their own spending money. Although my own DD did this, I know that in our locality the availability of part-time jobs is reduced due to the recession, so it may be a bit harder than it was......


Teenagers can be vile/awkward/down right unpleasant ...but for most it does pass. I know my daughter was OK by lots of folks standards but I stilled loathed her behaviour towards me..........she is 21 now and our relationship is mostly good.

What does your son think the outcome of all this will be?

With regard for your fears for your personal safety, it is a great suggestion to speak to parentline or one of the charities dealing with domestic violence. I have limited experience of this but know of a couple of recent examples of what others have done

Colleague ....after a catalogue of abusive behaviour she and her husband threatened with a knife by son....had him arrested and charged, barred from home, ....... 3 years later he is home, at college, off cannabis....

My daughters friends Mum.....on a couple of occassions she has been pushed and slapped by her middle son, her older son has intervened and there has been a fight. Older son at Uni so not at home all of the time. She has moved middle son into seperate accommodation but still on their property and he continues to have access to the family home and she feeds him and he does not pay any bills, his girlfirend has moved in with him and he gets job seekers allowance......he is 19 now frequently stoned.......and this has been going on for more than two years with no end in sight

Cannabis is a common factor in these two as they are disinhibited to maintain normal social boundaries.

My heart goes out to you.

melorablack

At 17 I was not receiving pocket money and I was paying rent.

If I had done anything like you son has to my mum I would have been kicked out and my mum would have called the police about the criminal damage to property.

It's about respect and he doesn't seem to have any for you.

yoni_one

Frustratedmother wrote: »

Thanks Spirit.

I just don't know what my ultimate sanction would be. Truth be told I'm a little afraid of him when he loses it. He's man sized and I'm afraid he'll hurt me in a rage. If he does we'll be in a place we can't get back from.

I want my lovely little boy back.

His behaviour indicates he is exercising whatever he can to gain power and control over you in your home, it isn't unusual for teenagers to push the boundaries but he is using methods that scare you.

You can access professional information and support via the helpline number in my signature or from www.womensaid.org.uk

It is really difficult when such issues are with your nearly-adult child, but please remember that regardless of what he may perceive as justified reasons, it is no more acceptable, and is as unlawful, for him to damage your property as it would be for a stranger to do so.

*Edit - I just read my reply back and it sounds way more dramatic than I intended! sorry about that, what sort of an advocate for DVA services am I????

My suggestion to contact Women's Aid is more about raising your awareness of the right kind of support available from an agency that fully understands what you are going through, are totally sympathetic to the complexity of this being your son, and have qualified staff who can support you as you find the best way (for you) to manage what is happening at the moment and try and avoid it potentially escalating.

gizmo111

What are his circumstances? Is he working/at college or doing nothing. How long has this been happening? Social services won't be interested he is not at risk, however I would consider moving him on. I'm a little confused as to why/how you are discipling a 17 yr old - what did he do and how did you deal with it?