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I want to split with my husband - scared of all the implications

24

Comments

  • Tia_Maria06
    Tia_Maria06 Posts: 777 Forumite
    Sounds like you both have problems, him drinking etc and your OCD. I would suggest you really think about it all and think of your boys, you OH may be a pain but he is their 'father' (I dont know how he is them).It may help to talk to Relate or somewhere like that and not make a decision that you regret later down the line... OR then look at your options (from yr dad?) and leave hium. You only live once and life is short... but the grass isnt greener and you may be able to work this out with OH....

    Good luck
    He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.


    If you really cant knit very well, then practise drumming with the needles...

    :j
  • bestpud
    bestpud Posts: 11,048 Forumite
    I would never condone an affair but, for someone married to another who is quite dismissive and/or distant, I can see it could be flattering to have someone flirt with them. We are all human after all and most of us want to feel worth something.

    Is there any chance of you having relationship counselling OP? Or do you feel it is too far down the line for that?

    I guess you need to realise you cannot change him so it is a case of accepting him, warts and all, or moving on.

    As for the practicalities, do you work? He would not have to pay maintenance for the children, I don't think. The house may impact on any benefits you may need to claim though.

    Personally, I know how scary it is to go it alone, but I am far happier for having done it. There were no other people involved and neither will there be, for me at least, but I do know what you mean about being dragged down by the relationship, and his behaviour.

    When I look back now, I feel exhausted just thinking of all the negative energy there was in our house before, and I really wasn't aware of how bad it had got until we had parted.

    Have you tried writing down all the reasons for and against staying as you are or moving on?
  • Blackpool_Saver
    Blackpool_Saver Posts: 6,599 Forumite
    Pssst wrote: »
    Women are like monkeys.

    They never let one branch go until theyve got hold of another one.

    Now this exactly where I am different, I have left abusers and barstewards and been alone with no family. We are not all alike.
    Blackpool_Saver is female, and does not live in Blackpool

  • Tia_Maria06
    Tia_Maria06 Posts: 777 Forumite
    I completely and utterly second that Blackpool_saver!!!!!!

    Pssst must be p**sed lol
    He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.


    If you really cant knit very well, then practise drumming with the needles...

    :j
  • xmaslolly76
    xmaslolly76 Posts: 3,974 Forumite
    Tia i may have misread the post but she doesnt have any boys by this man just two daughters from a previous marriage so he isnt their father and to be honest not being their father and having the drink problem i wouldnt want my children around that. As you say i dont know what kind of relationship he has with the two girls he may be a perfectly good father figure to them at the moment but having lived through hell with my mother who was an alcoholic i cant see how staying with the man would benefit them in anyway.

    Kent can you maybe elaborate on their relationship?
    :jFriends are like fabric you can never have enough:j
  • kent_lady
    kent_lady Posts: 112 Forumite
    Thanks bestpud, I do feel that it's gone too far for counselling and I don't think he would agree to it anyway..! You are right that I have two choices - accept it or move on......I know that no-one's perfect (me especially!) but I think that the good has to outweigh the bad? Thanks for saying you were scared - makes me feel a lot better because that's exactly how I feel! Also thanks for your suggestion about writing things down - clinical I know but I suspect it would help me get things in perspective. And yes, the attention from the other person did make me feel special, something which I don't feel at home.....this is all so difficult!! I do work (part time) and have already spoken to Tax credits about what I would be entitled to so know roughly what I would have to live on. I wouldn't want maintenance from him.

    Thanks again.
    Back in the Midlands! :j
  • Tia_Maria06
    Tia_Maria06 Posts: 777 Forumite
    Hi Xmas, Sorry, i thought she said 2 DS's, (I thought that was dear son's?) and I meant 'father' like that as father figure...

    My mum was an alki, and God bless her she's dead now, she was abusive, neglected us and was violent, but I love her all all the same. I know its prob different with biological parents i guess, but I was thinking he maybe drank when the kids were in bed, doesnt sound like he's violent or abusive just a moody git!! IMO a lot of men are....

    I would like Kent to just really think, about it, THEN make a decision knowing she has searched her soul for the best solution, whatever that may be...

    xx
    He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.


    If you really cant knit very well, then practise drumming with the needles...

    :j
  • kent_lady
    kent_lady Posts: 112 Forumite
    Hi xmas, I have 2 boys from my previous marriage and no children with my OH. He is not affectionate with them, he's more like a "friendly uncle" I suppose - they talk about what's happened at school etc and practical stuff but, for example, they would never go to him with any sort of problem, they would come to me. I really think that they would be ok if we split, they don't love him like their dad and I don't think what he feels for them is love, he cares about them of course but he is not a huggy person at all with them and I think they think he is quite cold......
    Back in the Midlands! :j
  • kent_lady
    kent_lady Posts: 112 Forumite
    Thank you Tia, I promise I will think REALLY carefully about all of this before making any definite decision. No he's not violent or abusive but not being spoken to for days on end hurts in a different way.....
    Back in the Midlands! :j
  • bestpud
    bestpud Posts: 11,048 Forumite
    I completely and utterly second that Blackpool_saver!!!!!!

    Pssst must be p**sed lol

    Me too!

    It's almost too stupid a statement to deserve a response!
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