Today is a new day!

brizzledfw

keep visualising P&F..lovely thoughts. sounds like stuff is manageable for you and DD right now. its nothing less than you absolutely deserve so heres hoping you continue to feel on the up


hugs

Brizzle

taxi73

All sounding good xx

brizzledfw

Hi thinking of you and guessing you are knee deep in snow..hope its not proving impossible for you and that your mum can help! Early start to winter hey..not great for the Kl business.

Anyway thoughts to you and your DD. Keep the faith..

brizzle

InaPickle

Hey PaF, is there any snow where you are? Hope you are OK in the weather. x

beanielou

naging to plod on x

Verbatim

Hope there's no snow where you are PAF? If there is I know you'll be careful out there.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thank you for all your encouraging words. Bit of a mixture to "report" really although Im attempting to hang on to all that is positive. My Kl delivery didn't arrive on Friday. I was beside myself, had paid for dd child care, was anxious to get it out as snow was forcast for the weekend and I needed my commission to cover a bill on Monday. In the end after hounding Parcelforce, their Manager phoned me back and agreed to deliver it on Saturday without charging the usual £12 they apparently charge for delivering on a Saturday. Fri eve was spent contacting all my customers to arrange redelivery and to apologise for not being able to deliver on Friday eve as advised. And then on Sarturday Parcelforce not only delivered my delivery due last Friday but also the one I was due to receive yesterday, Monday! Hallelujah! Thank you God !!! Dd and I worked all Saturday afternoon and then Sunday for a couple of hours getting the deliveries out. It was funny on Saturday as it was snowing v heavily, laid so fast, dd was saying dont worry mummy, Ill help you. But Im far happier getting about in the snow when its powdery as opposed to icy. On Saturday, we came home for a tea break, I called some customers I have in the next town to check what it was like there before setting off again and they had absolutely no snow!! 10 min drive up the road and we were in a different land!! Sunday it snowed some more, dd made a snowman etc. Anyway, its snowing as we speak but the ground is too damp I think for it to settle again , not yet anyway. Sales are still fab, so far Ive sold £600 this week and I am expecting to collect £500 on thursday which would make £1K sales min for the week, got out a load of books today despite the snow, just taking it very easy as I go. Have my walking stick, my boots that grip well and I just pray each time I get out of the car Ill stay standing!!!!

Anyway, two things happened on Saturday. Firstly, I saw my MP, Dd, he and I had our photo taken holding some of the products he had purchased from Kl and an article is going in the local paper in the next week or so. Then he explained he wants to meet with me again in the New Year, have a brainstorming session! Oh that takes me back to my banking days when virtually every meeting would start off with some brainstorming!!!! He wants us to attend some meetings with people like the JobCentre Plus Manager, he wants me to be a role model, represent the voice of disabled people. I am v excited about it, but I really am keen to emphasise that I do not believe I would have got this far without the support of charities. Then the snow just came down, and dd was wanting to play out in it, he had to get to Sainsburys for a surgery he was doing there and so the meeting came to an end. I will see how things evolve next year. Whatever happens its a fantastic opportunity.

Moving on to my second thing, I phoned Sainsburys with whom I have a debt and am doing really well in paying it back. I called them because of the mix up with the deliveries on friday, I was aware the bank closed at 3pm on saturday, that it was snowing and was worried I wouldn't get the money in my account in time for the dd due out on Mon. Im currently on a £5% rate which is great and basically I was told that I would lose this if I didn't meet the payt so they were no help. It wasn't their fault I was in this situation, I said it wasn't mine either. Im sure this is a conversation many people will be having with their bank in light of the weather!!!Anyway, as I was travelling round with dd in the snow that day I was saying to dd Im mad, going to these lengths in this weather just to keep a credit co happy!!! Why am I doing it! Why am I trying to repay everything when I could negotiate payts without interest being charged although this would clearly damage my credit rating for next 6 years more than it poss is already. As it was we didn't get to the bank on time, it took 3 hours to do what would normally take me say 1 or 2 hours re deliverying in the snow. I paid the money in on Mon am, and by a miracle the direct debit was re-tried for and it went out of my account without a problem. The relief I felt was absolutely amazing! But anyway, its got me thinking. Im going to make an appt to see my local CAB after Xmas. The reality is everything is hanging by a thread. Emotionally, I am just so sad about dh at times, dd is too, Ive been told this is normal by families of murdered relatives that Ive met via the charity National Victims Assoc, and what is frightening is that many of these dear people, their loved ones were murdered years ago, so is it going to haunt me and dd forever like it is them. I presume so and would it be right if it didn't? I just know the feeling of complete despair that can overtake me, particularly when Im in the car listening to the radio and a song comes on that reminds me of him or the feeling that my best is not good enough, that Im on my own, and my best has to be good enough for me and dd. Then I tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself, be grateful for everything and just get on with it. I am just about there financially, but every single penny is accounted for, and I question whether I can keep doing this on my own. Is it one hill to many to climb? Plus, its the time of year where I am aware Im even more tired than usual. Falling asleep by 7/8pm in the eve. Is this a normal life? Dd is caring for me more than I feel I am caring for her in this weather! She placed a blanket over me while I was dosing in the armchair on Saturday evening. Is that acceptable? She told me yesterday that when shes older she wants to work for Care for Carers! Am I ruining her chance to have a carefree childhood if shes going to be worrying about me like she has been this weekend? Am I making the right decisions for her? Part of me thinks as long as I can cover payts we are fine, but that just it, the mortgage will be paid two weeks after it should be, otherwise all is well, but ideally we should be upstraight all the time. Anyway, I am so grateful for dd, I love her so v much, for my dear Kl, for the way life does work sometimes like getting two deliveries together on Saturday, Like everyone else, I just need to hang in there and really try to enjoy the here and now, and the journey. Dd and I have come a long way, its just knowing which direction to go next! Yes, I really need to believe all is well. We are doing well, and I need to remember that!

beanielou

You are doing so well.
Hold onto thatr when times are tough.
I think its harder sometimes to be objective when things are tough.
I havent been out since sat cause of snow so I take my hat off to you.
I hate hate having to depend on other people & this weather just reinforces that so much.
Great news on MP.
Take care & stay safe xx

brizzledfw

Lovely long post. Thanks P&F. beanielou is right..you're doing really well and an inspiration to us all not just your DD.. She will get so much from a strong role model..that's important too and whilst at times it may be tough emotionally for you both she will get loads of benefit from your strength and drive..don't forget that!

Make sure the MP follows up with the meeting. this is important for everyone...

Best wishes

brizzle

Verbatim

Hang on in there PAF. Your dd loves you as you love her and her showing it should make you proud. You've brought up a lovely, kind girl who can not only express and show love but can back it up with practical help. WOW and she's only seven (I think?). You're doing an amazing job and your MP can see you're a fantastic role model even if you doubt it occasionally!