Today is a new day!

Katy83

Have a fantastic time PaF, you seem to be doing really well. Hope you have a wonderful trip xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

We are back, and advice is well and truly needed. If anyone is out there!! And if you are, I apologise for the length of this post. What a week, was ok driving. It was exactly 400 miles from our home to the hotel, 8 hours drive in total inc a couple of breaks. Lovely hotel, I met some amazing people, and on the first afternoon, just being with them all, just knowing they had all suffered a loved one being murdered made me cry. Just realising I am not mad for still crying about it nearly 6 years on. Im not mad for thinking about my dh every day, for being short tempered more than I want to be etc etc. My dd loved every minute. she made friends with the other kids, had great fun, that made me cry too to see her so happy, and enjoying herself.

I learnt I am also not alone with regard to debt rising during a chaotic period in my life. In fact, the person I spoke to about this thought I was a star to have maintained what I have done in this dept. I didn't go planning to discuss my finances, it came out when I was having one of my weepy moments - I did enjoy myself!! - it was just v emotional, and I felt such huge relief not feeling alone in what I feel is a mad sort of life. So, this person sat me down and we talked about my finances. His advice was to consider an IVA. This does not sit with me comfortably. At all. Why? The implications of my credit rating both now and in the future, my mortgage, the fact that it would put to waste my efforts not to be blacklisted by taking on my husbands debt in the first place. How would it effect my Kl business? He has urged me to consider talking with my accountant and seeking his advice. My accountant is lovely, can I see myself do this, it wears me out just thinking about it. I dont want to. An IVA is 5 years long, my snowball plan says I would be debt free in 5 years. Without all the complication of an IVA. The question is, Can I keep up with what I need to do work wise to keep on top of the debt over those 5 years?

The thing is Im not in arrears, Im close at times to the edge. There was a day when we had a chance to go to the shops this week while the kids were doing something, I couldn't spend a penny because everything was in my account for the mortgage, so yes things are tight. But things are getting paid. The man from the charity was horrified that I was selling furniture and what not to build a reserve. I am concerned about my tiredness issues. I am ongoingly tired. How long can I keep it up, and am I being selfish to my dd. Doesn't she deserve a mummy who isn't always crying, or sleeping, or feeling short tempered or who cant afford this or that, or who is alway working, a mummy with whom she can have some quality time? Am I mad to think I can build this business with my disability? On my own?

What I ideally want, what I visualise, is me working my business successfully, having great weekends with dd, all payts out are covered, therefore no stress, everything paid off by the time my dd goes to Secondary school, job done! The reality is I am wondering if I can do this. I dont want to give up, am I being selfish, stupid? Here is a charity wanting to help and support me in whatever way they can, they understand what it is to deal with murder, they understand the implications both financially and emotionally, and here they are suggesting a way in which the debt could be eased and Im reluctant to take that suggestion up! Imust be mad. Im thinking of contacting the CAB, then on thebasis of that contacting my accountant and then go from there. Or I could just carry on as I am, and have faith that I will be ok, that I can do it, that my dd will not suffer as result and that neither will I. I keep telling myself we are hanging in there, thats ok isn't it. The charity has offered to write a letter to me to use to fight my case for more lenient action from the companies to whom I owe money. MBNA have refused to budge on my interest rate even though I have explained my situation with my dh murder, my falling over, my tiredness issues, so clearly my voice alone is not working. I need to find out the options available and whatever I decide I need to feel at one with it and ensure my dd's life and indeed my own will not suffer.

hypno06

Ok....my twopennorth worth.....

You either think that paying the debt for the next five years is sustainable or not - only you can decide that. We had a phenomenal amount of debt on top of the mortgage, and considered dmp and iva, even glancing at BR.....but we were not in arrears either, and so somehow we were managing to pay everything - and had the knowledge that as soon as one debt was paid off, our budgets would be easier. 3 years on, and we are now coming out the other side, with only £22k left out of the original £100k, and even the ability to think of holidays and nice days out again without panicking.....

If paying the debt is NOT sustainable, then I would urge you strongly to consider a DMP rather than an IVA.

If your debts are due to be cleared with "normal" payments in 5 years, then they would potentially be cleared quicker with a DMP if interest and charges are frozen, whereas your IVA would be fixed for the full five year period.

If you discover that life throws another curve ball, and you cannot maintain the reduced payments, an IVA would almost certainly fail and result in bankruptcy, putting your home at risk. Whereas a DMP is flexible so can be renegotiated as finances are tighter and also you can offer full and finals in settlement if you find you have more funds than you thought. Your house would not be at the same risk, and this is very important.

Of course, with a DMP your credit rating is shot to pieces for the 6 years, but at the end of that time you should be able to move, remortgage etc, and some people on DMPs find that if they are remortgaging with their existing mortgage provider, the DMP is not a problem provided they have maintained their mortgage payments reliably.

Head over to the CCCS debt remedy website -they will tell you what you could be looking at in terms of repayments. Don't put in that you are self employed when you are enquiring because it may say that they cannot help you - but it will at least give you an idea of where you could start......and remember that the national debtline allows you to set up your own dmp, self employed or employed.

Hope that helps!

Angiepange

Hi Paf

I have read your diary with interest and great admiration for how you are dealing with your situation and making a life for yourself and dd. You come across as an admirable, brave person who has been so strong and positive in moving your life forward despite everything you struggle with. My heart goes out to you for the dilemma you are facing.

I just wanted to say I think you have nothing to lose by speaking to the CAB. They are a wonderful organisation, who give great impartial advice. My Dh and I sought their help this year with our own situation and as soon as the CAB got involved all our creditors took notice and listened.

Whatever you decide to do I really wish you all the best. Take care.

Angie x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Hiya Hypno, thanks for your advice. So much to think about. I wouldlike to think I can keep going as I am, and I need to think that if I do at what cost would it be. Am I being fair to dd and myself? Am I being wise? I will need to mull it over, thanks for your thoughts. If I have any questions I ll get back to you. Take care!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thanks for your advice Angie. I wish you well eith your arrangements. May I ask what did you decide to do with the CAB's advice? What route have you followed, and is it one that would effect your credit rating?

Angiepange

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED wrote: »

Thanks for your advice Angie. I wish you well eith your arrangements. May I ask what did you decide to do with the CAB's advice? What route have you followed, and is it one that would effect your credit rating?

Hi

Unfortunately for us we had no other option but bankruptcy in August this year. A very difficult time but we are slowly getting through it.

The CAB wrote to our creditors really to buy us some time as we knew BR was our only option for our circumstances. The creditors responded to the CABs letters offering reduced payments and interest/charges frozen, whereas they refused to accept our letters and financial statement despite it being identical to the ones CAB sent.!!.

Obviously our credit rating is 'shot to bits' now with the BR and will be for the next 6 yrs at least.

But I explored all avenues (NDL, CCCS etc) before the BR and having a F2F appt with the CAB was the best help and advice we got.

Angie x

Katy83

Hi PAF,

I don't know how it is to be in your situation and I think you are a remarkably strong person to have come as far as you have so far and you should be enormously proud of yourself.

For the debt, a chat with the CAB does seem like a good idea, to get some impartial advice. My gut feeling reading your diary is that you are coping and you will be debt free within 5 years. But, as hypno says, only you will know if this is sustainable. Have you thought of setting yourself a review deadline - why not say keep doing what you are doing for 3 or 6 months and then see how you feel?

Have you spoken to your doctor about the tiredness? They might be able to offer some help/advice...

Glad you had a good time away though - well done with the drive xx

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Paf, I'm glad your week away was a positive move. Understandable that it was emotional and you are probably drained so try not to make a decision re the debt until you have recovered from the emotional roller coaster and are a little stronger.

You have already been given good advice and I know you will consider it all and make the right decision for you. I would take the letter from NVA and I would also ask for an appointment with your local MP and ask him to also write you a letter to send to the debt companies too as I think he will get right behind you in helping you make this all managable given the situation you find yourself due to this horrendous crime and loss that you have suffered.

Give yourself a couple of days rest from your thoughts if possible though as you have a full on emotional week.

Take care
KM x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thank you for your advice and feedback. KM, and Katy , yoy are right that i need to think it through, and make the right decision. Its dawned on me too that if interest rates stay as they are, my mortgage will reduce dramatically next year, in 10 months the interest rate is up for review which will give some breathing space. Have just examined the figures again this afternoon with all my debt, and plan to seek my sisters advice tomorrow. We are all going to my mums for a family day. Whatever I decide, I think a trip to the CAB has to be done to establish all my options and I wont be making a decision in a rush. I would prefer to be able to deal with the situation as it is, no IVA. Perhaps better planning etc will help to make that achievable. I must not forget my dd in all of this, I have to be true to myself, but also to her, and do the right thing by her for her quality of life. The thing is the man I spoke to could see from the outside looking in, and clearly what I am trying to do is simply a miracle, but then miracles do happen, my dd is one of them, the fact that I can walk at all is another, so I then think I don't want to give up. Anyway, CAB will be seeing me next week thats for sure, and I will put this to rest for the weekend apart from speaking with my sis tom.