Think I am pushing my husband away and dont know why.........

bimbo84

before you think about having a baby i think you should see your doctor about depression. If you get treatment for that first you'll probably find your relationship with your hubby will improve.

woody01

Its not a sympathetic comment i know, and it does sound a little like your mums advice but:

You're a Long Time Dead!

Do what you can now and enjoy it.

redruby

Hi Linz,

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter today hun, no great advice from me, just a big hug xx

LoopyLinz

Hi All

Thank you for your replies. I feel slightly better than I did yesterday, I think getting everything off my chest helped a lot.

I havent spoken to DH and he is off out tonight so I know today wont be a good time. Am still deliberating what to do about the doctor as I am scared he will say he doesnt think I should be going back to work yet and that will open a whole other can of worms with work that I just dont think I am strong enough to cope with at the minute.

I do keep thinking to myself that I need to just pull myself together and get on with it but it doesnt seem that easy. For 8 months I have painted a smile on my face and 'got on with it' to the outside world but I have been hurting so much and I cant keep going like that any more. Since my diagnosis I have cried 3 times (one of those times being yesterday) and the other two were through sheer frustration because I couldnt do something. I dont think I really allowed myself that time to accept what was happening. If that makes sense?

Linz xx

Errata

Linz, everyone needs to give themselves time when overnight the future they thought they would have vanishes and they have to get used to, and plan for, a completely different one. 8 months is not so long after all, and sometimes it can feel like two steps forward and one step back. The important thing is that you give what's happened the attention it needs - no less, but no more.
The key to a good relationship between two people is always about keeping the communication open and moving along. I wish you well.

loupee

I don't think this has already been mentioned but have you considered that some of the things you are feeling may be related to your meds?
I'll be honest, I know nothing about RA but I have experienced being on a lot of medication for something different.
Side effects of meds can be hugely varying from person to person, it may not mean changing them, possible just getting the support you need to deal with them.
I also think you should go to your GP, tell him how your feeling in regards to your other half, but if you feel able to go back to work and that it will be of benefit that you do, tell him that, and its just the 'other' side of life you are struggling with. But please dont ignore these feeling, there could be a fairly simple solution.
My mum died when I was 13, and I was diagnosed with depression at 17, however I reckon I had it most of the time since. Whenever I got upset over anything my dad would tell to 'shut up and get on with it' and he's a GP.
I think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, its just learning not to lose focus!
Big hugs to you

Lou x

LoopyLinz

Errata wrote: »

Linz, everyone needs to give themselves time when overnight the future they thought they would have vanishes and they have to get used to, and plan for, a completely different one. 8 months is not so long after all, and sometimes it can feel like two steps forward and one step back. The important thing is that you give what's happened the attention it needs - no less, but no more.
The key to a good relationship between two people is always about keeping the communication open and moving along. I wish you well.

Errata

I think that is exactly how it has felt, one forward and two back! I have had some real problems with my meds (hence the reason I am now injecting myself!) which I guess has been half the problem.

I think you are right in that we need to make some 'new plans' and not look back at the ones we previously had.

The same message is being echoed throughout that I really need to talk to DH and Im maybe beginning to realise that we can have some fun making new plans.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and a lot of what you have said has made perfect sense to me

Linz xox

LoopyLinz

loupee wrote: »

I don't think this has already been mentioned but have you considered that some of the things you are feeling may be related to your meds?
I'll be honest, I know nothing about RA but I have experienced being on a lot of medication for something different.
Side effects of meds can be hugely varying from person to person, it may not mean changing them, possible just getting the support you need to deal with them.
I also think you should go to your GP, tell him how your feeling in regards to your other half, but if you feel able to go back to work and that it will be of benefit that you do, tell him that, and its just the 'other' side of life you are struggling with. But please dont ignore these feeling, there could be a fairly simple solution.
My mum died when I was 13, and I was diagnosed with depression at 17, however I reckon I had it most of the time since. Whenever I got upset over anything my dad would tell to 'shut up and get on with it' and he's a GP.
I think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, its just learning not to lose focus!
Big hugs to you

Lou x

Lou

I have thought that some of the 'issues' may be my meds and I really guess I would need to talk to the doctor about this. I do think going back to work will help. Am planning to go back part time initially so hopefully I will be able to cope with that.

I think I have reached the stage where I cant really go on the way I am and I know my DH is going to be hurt that I havent been 'honest' about how I have been feeling all along.

Linz xox

HelenKA_2

I have a different style of arthritis and thankfully have responded well to meds. I just wanted to say that you have received a huge shock to your mental and physical self and while you are hopefully responding to methotrexate your mental self has to grieve before coming to terms with what is your life now, and what it will be compared to what you had expected it to be.

I'm not explaining very well, but it took us some while to think all that through and come to terms with how we could go on/conduct our lives now that we had this 3rd partner in our marriage (Bechet's disease).

I wonder if you have been introduced to a RA support group because I think it would help you to talk this kind of thing through with fellow sufferers.

As to work, could you go back part time to begin with? You probably would be exhausted going straight back to full time and exhaustion can set you back loads. They shouldn't be giving you a hard time about being ill - it's not like you brought it on by wishful thinking. Don't know what your profession is but is there any union or HR support?

If you phone the GP surgery and explain that you need to talk things through a bit they may be able to give you an appointment outside of the 5 minute slot time. Alternatively ask when you are next in clinic about talking through some stuff with someone - there should be nurse specialists who are there/available for this very reason.

I too have been told that RA usually improves during pregnancy and you have a good few child bearing years ahead of you yet so try not to dispair too much over this. The important thing is to get your RA under control and get a quality of life you are happy with - both of which will be helped by your supportive OH and your consultant/GP.

Helen

Must improve my typing - I see I cross posted while composing my essay!

babyhead

Me and my OH have a similiar situation to yours

We are both 26 and have been together since school. We got married 3 years ago and within 6 months I was ill and was diagnosed with a terminal lung disease!!!

It put all our plans out of the window completely and our life is much different now. At one point my DH did literally everything as I was unable to. And I was sooooo angry at one point so was a right miserable moo

But...it takes time to adjust to change. Best advice is to be as honest as you can with each other. As soon as I started talking to OH about how we were both feeling it got easier and we seem to have got thru things.

I know what u mean about being frustrated by not being able to do things. I still get that somedays but i just winge at OH about it now (as opposed to breaking it/throwing it out etc...:eek:)

Oh and my doctor told me I shouldn't be going back to work....and he was right! It was just to much for me and I was off ill again within 2 weeks. Just a thought but take it easy xx