Think I am pushing my husband away and dont know why.........

merlin68

Why can't you have a baby with arthiritis.
I have it as well as asthma and diabetes and have managed 4 c sections.
Speak to your Doctor.

belfastgirl23

OK first of all go easy on yourself. You've had a big shock to the system that has upset all of your plans and you need time to adjust.

Secondly it isn't impossible to have a baby just because you have arthritis. I have a friend who has two children - she said in fact the pregnancy hormones really protected her when she was pregnant (although it was difficult postnatally for a while). So it's postponed for a little while. As for what other people say, s***w 'em, it's none of their business anyway.

For you and hubby I think you do need to talk to him properly about how you are feeling. I also think you need to talk about the baby issue properly with him and even try to set a timescale. Try to keep the focus on how you are feeling rather than anything else. It really helps!

Your mum is being very unhelpful and I'd avoid trying to talk to her about things if at all possible. She's probably just scared herself and can't quite deal with things.

Also no harm to talk to your doctor just to be sure you aren't suffering from depression. Although it sounds to me like it's pretty normal grieving for the life you thought you had and time will be the best healer.

Good luck!

Heath84

merlin68 wrote: »

Why can't you have a baby with arthiritis.
I have it as well as asthma and diabetes and have managed 4 c sections.
Speak to your Doctor.

I read it as its not that the OP cant have a baby with arthritus, its that she cant have one whilst on the injections she is on, presumably because they are teratogenic.

To the OP ((((hugs)))) I know how hard my mum struggles with RA, talk to your husband and explain how you feel, if he understands more it might be easier.
x

LoopyLinz

Wow what a lot of support and very very useful advice! Ok will try to respond as best I can........

RedBurn - It doesnt sound trite at all and is very much what I am hoping will happen. Dont get me wrong Im terrified that I wont be able to cope but I guess there is only one way Im going to find out!

Pinkshoes - (love the name by the way!) Its Methetrexate I inject along with a whole host of other tablets. I think I know deep down that I need to be open and honest with my hubby no matter how much it hurts.

Errata - You gave me my first real giggle of the day, what you said made perfect sense and its made me decide that its what I need to do, I need to write everything down that I think and feel, somehow its easier getting it 'onto paper' than it is actually saying it! The reason it made me laugh is because earlier, before I posted I was telling the dog how I felt (bit random I know but he doesnt answer back!) and he was looking at me like I had lost the plot!!

Savvy - Thank you for your kind words, I think you got it in one, in a way I think I might be grieving the life that we had planned because I know its never going to happen that way now iykwim??

Teacherandmum - I have been thinking more about speaking with my doctor but I am terrified he will tell me that he doesnt think I am ready to go back to work, I am having enough grief from them without telling them I will be off longer than I already have been.

Merlin68 - It my medication that is preventing us from TTC at the moment. I inject myself with a lower doseage of what most cancer patients are treated with so its a big no no whilst I am taking it.

Belfastgirl23 - I think I know what you mean about my mum, in a way I think she feels somewhat helpless that she cant make everything 'better' but she is also notorious for her.........if there isnt blood or it isnt hanging off you will survive attitude. I have tried everything I can think of to help her understand but I think that might be a whole other issue that I need to face when I feel slightly stronger than I am now!

So after that incredibly long post (sorry about that!) I have made a few decisions. I am going to spend the next day or so working things out in my head and then speak to my hubby. Am going to be completely honest about how I feel. I am then going to make an appointment to speak to my GP and see what he says. I dont think I am depressed, more angry I guess. I am also going to see if I can find somewhere I can start blogging, even if I am the only one who ever reads it so if anyone can reccomend any sites it would be much appreciated

Once again I cant thank you all enough for your wonderful advice

Linz xox

MadMac_2

OP, glad you have made some decisions on how to proceed and I hope you'll find the strength to see them through. Anger can also be a sign of depression as well as other things, so don't feel bad about going to see your GP and just be as open and honest as you can be.

At the risk of being shot down, I admit that my man isn't the most perceptive of people and sometimes just tries to find the right things to say, even though it can be the very thing that makes you feel worse! Do try to be frank with him and put him in the picture, it will help to not have him trying to second guess you (badly!) and he will feel more included and involved. Always a good thing!

As to starting your own blog, how about setting one up on blogger.com (very simple to get started) or wordpress.com. It can be surprising how many people accidentally find your blog and then stick with you, through thick and thin!

Best of luck, x

MadMac_2

Oops, meant to include this helpful link for you to get stuck in!

http://www.masternewmedia.org/independent_publishing/blogging-how-to-blog/guide-to-publishing-first-blog-20071104.htm.htm

HariboJunkie

MrsTine wrote: »

Others will be along with hugs and the like in a minute I have no doubt I don't really do hugs so practical advice instead: Pick up the phone, call the GP and get an appointment and show them the post above... You need to talk to them about how you feel! Not only could it be a side-effect of the medication but it sounds like the start if nothing else of depression to me - however I'm no GP and you really need to get them to talk to you and check it's not your meds
You're only 25 - I've just had my first baby at 29 1/2 and I know plenty of others who have had their first baby (my step mother included!) in their mid/late thirties so please don't let it stress you

Tonight when your hubby comes home sit him down to a nice meal, and tell him what you have told us - explain how it's all made you feel and that you know you're pushing him away but you can't help it. Ask him to be there for you and help support you whilst you get over this little speedbump

He married you for better or worse, sickness and health.... and it sounds to me like he's a jolly nice chap!

Hang in there and call the GP!

EXACTLY what Mrs Tine said.

Your need to talk to the GP is very real. Please stop worrying that there are others worse off than you. Everything is relative and if you let this drag on it will only get worse.

Take care Linz. x

Alia_Idaho

dear, don't let your disability get the best of you. your hubby wants you to be happy, all you gotta do is look at the sunnier side of things. So you have arthritis at 25. don't let that stop you from getting on with your life and living a happy union with your hubby. keep up a positive outlook and you'll be fine. or you could go to a doctor should you feel the need to discuss your feelings.

londoner1998

Good morning loopylinz

oh, you sound so much like me... my father died very suddenly two and a half years ago and I for the past year also have been pushing my lovely partner away each night. I totally understand your state of mind-it seems you are having to adjust to a new way of life, taking care of yourself and you feel nobody can feel what you are feeling. Well, they can't, that's true, but your partner is there for you, so don't think you are alone, because you are not. I have had to cope with an almost chronic fatigue that didn't let me get out of bed- at all- my mind says yes, but my body says no. So, when we go to bed I am in a dreadful state, with a throbbing/burning head, completely exhausted, and for over a year I had to contend with the fact that nobody seems to understand that it is not that I don't want to go out/have fun/have sex, it is just that I don't have any energy left!!! I have been told this is the beginning of ME and if I don't take care of myself and it can get worse, with lasting damage.

It was hard to admit that I have limits and I had hit them a long time before my dad passed away. Suddenly, my world changed- the rug was literally pulled off from under my feet- is that how your arthritis has made you feel? Incapable? Inadequate? Accept that you need to slow down, accept that you need help. Accept your husbands help and love. Don't feel guilty. I have got much better very slowly, and there are still days when everything turns to s*** and my fatigue returns , it creeps up slowly and when I realise is too late. But now I just retire early, tell my boyfriend 'I feel very fatigued, need to stop', do my restorative yoga practice, leave the dishes undone and allow myself the tears...it helps massively.
As for the babies question- don't worry about what other people say or think and remember you don't have to justify yourself- as they have suggested before, you can have an answer prepared- or you can just say-'we are enjoying each other for a while '.
I firmly believe that these kinds of illnesses are trying to tell us something- may be that we have to take care of oursleves???

On the practical side, what I found invaluable is swimming (improved my mood no end and put me to sleep like a baby whan I didn't sleep for a year) and a good yoga practice (Iyengar method) adapted to your needs- but I have been a long term practitioner and have a teacher that guided me through the beravement and exhaustion, wouldn't trust just anybody with a two-months training certificate. She has treated people with a range of conditions as well. Explaore your options. If you want to know more, just send me a PM. Much cheaper that the meds and no side effects.


Good luck, and come back here , peopel on these forums are great.XXX

Claire3121

I could have written this. I was dignosed with RA at 31. haven been off methotrexate for almost 6 months now,but am very worried about whther i'd be able to cope now with having a baby and looking after it. I've gone all these months without my meds which has been awful but the thought of going back on them will mean thats it and gone will be my chance... dont know what to do....

Hugs to OP xxx