The right time to have a baby

moneysaver12

My and my fiance are getting married in september and we were going to start trying for a baby then. A couple of months ago we talked about it again and decided that it was better to wait till next year to give us chance to save some money and also for me to settle in to uni, i start uni in september.

Trying for a baby would mean that the baby would be born just before i start my third year at uni and i have been told that the third year at uni is the hardest. So we talked about it again and decided to try for baby in 2 years time so when baby is born i will have finished college. When i do finish college in three years i am hoping to do a post grat course which i do need to do for the career i want and this could be another 2 to 5 years.

Problem now is im getting broody and don't want to wait two years but my fiance thinks its better to wait two years. Iam 30 and my fiance is 40.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this.

xmaslolly76

I'm not in the same situation but from personal experience you will never have enough money and it will never be the right time if you sit down and think to hard about it there will always be something to stop you sometimes you have to just take the plunge. It will have to be a joint decision though i wouldnt condone getting yourself pregnant behind his back if he sticks to his guns about waiting.

moneysaver12

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

I'm not in the same situation but from personal experience you will never have enough money and it will never be the right time if you sit down and think to hard about it there will always be something to stop you sometimes you have to just take the plunge. It will have to be a joint decision though i wouldnt condone getting yourself pregnant behind his back if he sticks to his guns about waiting.

Hi thankyou for your help. I would never get pregnant behind his back, i do believe that it does need to be joint decision.

MrsTinks

Financially - there is probably never a good time Timewise - forget about getting anything done studywise for a good while after baby arrives! 5 weeks in and I've barely managed to open my post let alone anything that requires me to think!
At 30 I can understand why the biological clock is ticking - I was very clear with DH that I wanted to have made a start on a family before I turned 30... I made it with 6 months to spare LOL
I guess it depends on what is most important to you... IF you ended up having to give up your study (and therefor any potential career) because of your child (you could end up with twins or triplets! Or worst case scenario your child could have health problems...) what would the implications be?

xmaslolly76

To be honest ive only ever been broody once and that was before getting pregnant this time last two were surprises as i was on the pill. I could never have predicted the force of my biological clock though i have never wanted something so much in my life.

Sorry about the last line in my post i wasnt saying you would but it has been known to happen :-)

moneysaver12

MrsTine wrote: »

Financially - there is probably never a good time Timewise - forget about getting anything done studywise for a good while after baby arrives! 5 weeks in and I've barely managed to open my post let alone anything that requires me to think!
At 30 I can understand why the biological clock is ticking - I was very clear with DH that I wanted to have made a start on a family before I turned 30... I made it with 6 months to spare LOL
I guess it depends on what is most important to you... IF you ended up having to give up your study (and therefor any potential career) because of your child (you could end up with twins or triplets! Or worst case scenario your child could have health problems...) what would the implications be?

Thankyou for your help. I really do want to study and have the career i want. I have been at college for three years working towards going to uni so i can have a career and good income. If the worse case scenario happened it would be more up to me as my fiance does work and it would not be fiancally possible for him to give up his job.

moneysaver12

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

To be honest ive only ever been broody once and that was before getting pregnant this time last two were surprises as i was on the pill. I could never have predicted the force of my biological clock though i have never wanted something so much in my life.

Sorry about the last line in my post i wasnt saying you would but it has been known to happen :-)

I know what you mean about the last line, i have heard of it happening. My fiance doesn't seem to have a biological clock and doesn't get broody but does want kids. We have decided to have just the one.

skintchick

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Thankyou for your help. I really do want to study and have the career i want. I have been at college for three years working towards going to uni so i can have a career and good income. If the worse case scenario happened it would be more up to me as my fiance does work and it would not be fiancally possible for him to give up his job.

I was going to ask do you want a career or a family, but I see yu really want a career, so I'd say it's not the right time to be having a family.

If you really do want to continue study and then work on your career you may have to accept not having children at all, as it will be very hard to juggle both study/new career and a baby/babies/young child/ren.

Unfortunately, we cannot 'have it all' and you may have to make a difficult choice.

I say this as someone who gave up their career to focus on marriage and having a family, as what I did just wasn;t compatible with being the mum I want to be.

I know people do manage to do both but I think they end up very torn, and with you just starting your career (at 30?! How come?) it will be extremely hard to do justice to both.

moneysaver12

skintchick wrote: »

I was going to ask do you want a career or a family, but I see yu really want a career, so I'd say it's not the right time to be having a family.

If you really do want to continue study and then work on your career you may have to accept not having children at all, as it will be very hard to juggle both study/new career and a baby/babies/young child/ren.

Unfortunately, we cannot 'have it all' and you may have to make a difficult choice.

I say this as someone who gave up their career to focus on marriage and having a family, as what I did just wasn;t compatible with being the mum I want to be.

I know people do manage to do both but I think they end up very torn, and with you just starting your career (at 30?! How come?) it will be extremely hard to do justice to both.

Im starting at 30 as i have had ill health for years and over the past couple of years have been getting much better. It is hard as i do want a career and i do want a baby, i can't imagine not having a baby. Thankyou for your help.

Oldernotwiser

I think that deliberately planning to have a baby in the middle of your degree course is pretty daft. People do cope if accidents happen but to put your whole future career (you won't get on a post grad course without a decent degree) at risk for the sake of an extra year or so seems utter madness!

MrsTinks

It's a tough choice... but imagine if you had the baby whilst doing your degree... and then got poorly again... how would you cope? if all went well and you had baby, could someone look after it for you free like parents? if not have you checked you can afford daycare whilst studying? if you had to give up uni half way through would you end up resenting the baby for being the cause?