selling with adult children who refuse to leave

tbs624

princeofpounds wrote: »

Unlike those who say 'don't get involved' I think there is another layer to this - don't forget that the OP is married to the third 'adult kid' who lives outside the home. So this is a direct family issue and the MIL has clearly been asking for advice. You don't ignore your own mother's troubles.

I don't think any poster has said "don't get involved": it's more a case that, in situations such as this, once you've made suggestions, if they don't get acted on and things don't get moved forward, then sometimes you have to step to the side and let them get on with it rather than allowing either party to continue to offload their stress on to you. Kind of "love you Mum, I have made suggestions, & will support you in any choice you make, but you have to sort this out directly with my siblings." Then change the subject.

Most of us *do* want to do right by our families but you also have to be aware of the martyr syndrome, and if your kids grow up with a lack of respect for you then sometimes you have to look at why that it is, and what part you yourself have played in *allowing* that to happen. We all like to be "needed" but what this means is that familes can sometimes get sucked into this vortex of co-dependency. Kids can't get out in to the real world and "need" Mum, Mum/Dad hasn't encouraged independence and feels "needed", other son/DIL worry about Mum and they feel "needed" if they help her ....and so on. Families, eh?;)

Mum in this instance is not yet 65 - not usually an age at which folk like to view themselves as an ancient, frail old dear who can't keep control over their personal domestic arrangements. Her best bet is probably to have an informal chat with a good local solicitor, under a fixed fee interview, and be encouraged to see that she *can* move this forward.

Dinah93

What disgusting examples of humanity.

She should sell the current property, and tell them there isn't the right bungalow at the moment/she wants to invest her money for a few months before buying to see which way the property market goes/if living with the friend works, but she'll pay their rent elsewhere for 3 months. They won't leave if they go to the nice rent free bungalow!

Your husband needs to take control here if the MiL is scared to stand up to the adult children. Lay down the law, tell them its not fair the pressure they are putting on her, to cop on and start supporting themselves. Try showing them this thread, and how many people are absolutely appauled they could be abusing their mother's good will like this.

I'm 24, myself and my OH are living with my parents while we save a deposit. We pay £480 a month for the two of us for one 12ft square room, food and bills. It's on the low side but my parents want to enable us to save for our own place otherwise we'll still be there in 5 years time! Between us we earn £40,000 before tax.

Someone has to be strong here, your MiL has made her wishes clear, but doesn't seem able to give the kids tough love. Parenting is not just about love, it is about teaching children to become adults, and she seems to have made it far too easy for the kids to stay home and keep being kids.

DKLS

What a pair of parasites :eek:, I have no sensible suggestion as to what to do other than bounce them both on to the streets and let them fend for themselves.

They should be ashamed of themselves.