It seems my parents are not good enough

shell_girl

I don't think it's a case of your parents not being 'good enough', after all, your OH is ok with your mum babysitting at your house. The issue is the dog- we've all seen horror stories on the news about what can happen to small children left unattended near dogs- and this one is one who is in your words 'jealous'. Dogs are pack animals, and much as I love my big soft mutt who's never harmed anything and is scared of seagulls, I'd never ever trust him with a small child alone, simply because you NEVER know when an animal can turn. The dog could see the baby as a threat to his place in the pack. I'd back your partner up on this one and dig out some internet news stories to demonstrate to your mum that it's not her you're concerned about, but the dog. Owners can be blinkered when it comes to their animals, but I doubt that you'd ever forgive yourself if your beautiful child was scarred for life, or worse, because you didn't take a stand on this issue. Honestly mate, it's not worth the risk.

RAS

The issues are

1. My parents have a jealous dog - do not even go there.
2. " when they last babysat they assured me they would keep the dog locked up but when we returned he was on the loose." So they do not understand the need to keep their grandchild safe?
2. "It is a little messy and my mother could make a bit more effort on cleaning and cleaning herself, but i wouldnt say it was bad." It may well be that OH needs to lighten up a bit.Mothers are hugely protective of young children but by 6 months a bit a dirt is actually good. it is the child with the most hygienic environment who seems to develop asthma and other allergies.

Given the dog situation, i am with OH.if it wa the house and dirt, i would be with you.

The message to your mum has to be "When we left baby with you, you promised dog would be locked up and when we returned it was lose. Given this, it is not possible to leave the baby in your house (perhaps except in emergencies).

If we do, it will be on the understanding that the dog is excluded and it we find it lose again, this will reduce your access to your grandchild.

*Louise*

I saw my little sister attacked by a dog - would never leave my baby around one (especially with someone who lets the dog out when your back is turned) :eek: That would cause trust issues for me.


I also think that it would be unreasonable to expect your mother to travel 60 miles, therefore 3 days with the other granny or a day in nursery really would be the best option.

I do feel sorry for your mother though, and can see how she would feel left out - I would suggest making sure you make regular visits so she doesn't feel as though she is missing out

x

emlou2009

your OH is right, she shouldnt babysit the child around the dog. she allowed her own daughter to be scarred for life by it, whats to say she wont allow a child that isnt her own?

i know it isnt as MSE but i do think the best solution is going to be daycare, either nursery or childminder, near your work or your OH's work, as IMO it isnt right to have the child 60 miles away from both of you while you're at work.

paddy's_mum

What on earth does it mean when a son says (and I quote) "OK ... my mother could make a bit more effort on cleaning ... herself"? What?!!

Given that most mens idea of a clean house falls far short of what most women would consider acceptable, the mind reels from the thought of what this home and grandmother are actually like.

It seems to me that your dismissive comment of "oh no" reeks of contempt and yet when the situation is taken apart, your OH is displaying completely logical and sensible dissent. What's more, by opposing you and risking causing grave offence to your mother, she is displaying real courage and the deepest concern for the welfare of her child.

Given that until you read the responses in this thread, you didn't understand your partner's concerns and that on a previous occasion, your mother has proved beyond repair that she cannot be trusted, I'd go so far as to suggest that you should both take a leaf out of your partner's book. Stop thinking about what is convenient, or obvious, or avoids upsetting your mother. Instead of agreeing with your partner's point simply to keep the peace, you might be wiser to reassess your partner's concerns and recognise the validity of her view.

The fact remains that with the situation as you say it is, your parents aren't good enough and it's time that both you and they started to put the welfare of the child first.

teambathmat

henpecked1 wrote: »

My mum and dad have a big dog which is a jealous type. when they last babysat they assured me they would keep the dog locked up but when we returned he was on the loose.
17 years ago the previous dog (he is dead now)bit my sisters face (when she was a babe) and caused scarring as my mother stupidly left a dog playing with the dog biscuits.QUOTE]

:eek: This is a joke isnt it?.............Theres NO WAY I would let her look after my child at her house!

flea72

im sorry, but how can the temperament of her previous dog, be used as a reason not to leave your child with her new dog

also, id be suprised if your mum doesnt blame herself for your sisters injuries, but then again, you cant watch a child the whole time they are in your care, accidents happen. Also how can a dog, eating dog biscuits, result in your sister being attacked? I doubt anyone would think its not ok to feed their animal infront of a child, as it might make the dog suddenly want human flesh, rather than a Bonio!

Also, your mum has obviously been asked at some point to look after the child, this isnt a last minute decision, as youve had 15m to plan childcare. So why, now the time has come for your OH to return to work, is there suddenly a problem with your mum looking after the child. Tbh, i would say its more to do with your OH not wanting to return to work, but cant come right out and say so. If she had reservations about your parents looking after the child, she would have raised her objections from day one

However, the fact your mum wont keep the dog away from the child as you asked, is another issue. Grandparents very rarely do what parents ask, so expect them to come home hyperactive, full of chocolate, fizzy drinks and covered in dog hair. The role of a grandparent is to annoy their offspring, its 'pay back' time

Flea

MrsTinks

I have a dog - one that was rehomed to us 3 years ago as "dog aggressive, resource guarding, untrained, possibly people aggressive" - I now have a 5 week old baby and after 3 years I can tell you that dog is NOT aggressive with people nor is she resource guarding (that got stopped the first week!) - I would trust her hugely but no matter HOW much I trust her to not harm the baby I would NEVER leave her alone with her (or any other dog alone with a young child) - if a dog has a known problem then it should not be around babies AT ALL - ever!
Cleanliness issues aside (heck my house is rarely sparkling! although I do to a degree blame having a 5 week old baby and 2 cats and a bouncy dog ) then so long as they do not keep the dog safely locked away from the baby then no - I wouldn't even bring the baby there to visit whilst I was there to be honest...

Glamazon

I think it does depend on the dog - my mum has a gorgeous labrador who wouldn't say boo to a goose whilst my sister had a staffordshire bull terrier.

I would never leave my baby in the same property as the staff as I've seen it go for my Mums dog but I would be happy for Mum to look after baby with the Labrador as long as dog and baby were not left alone in a room.

I think the dog thing is an issue but don't think the untidiness is - a bit of dirt is good for kids! I would say that as long as there were no dangers in the house then it would be OK - dangers could include the dog.

Mini_Bear

OMG i cant believe you even consider allowing your parents to look after ur baby with a jealous dog around. forget the saving money and put the baby with a childminder. It will cost way more in plastic surgery and counselling for ur kid if its face gets bitten off!