How old before i can leave my kids on their own?

Spendless

busymumof3 wrote:

HI Spendless

No I don't work and I haven't since my eldest was born. I didn't think that was particulary relevant though and I certainly didn't want to start off another very boring and predictable working parent V stay at home mum debate. Not interested in that. Everybody makes their own decisions based on their own circumstances and it's no one elses business.

My post was a general one and not directly in response to the opening one. Someone had mentioned leaving their child alone to go for a coffee and others to go shopping etc. I simply feel it is not acceptable under any circumstances at the kind of ages mentioned.

The reason I thought it was relevant was cos this thread seems to be throwing up what do you do about childcare from 11+, when choices seem to be more limited and the kids feel 'its too babyish' but the parents aren't sure whether they're old enough to be left. In the case of single parents 16 hours have to be worked in order to get the entitlement to tax credits. I wondered what you did about childcare for your eldest with you saying you didn't wish to leave yours at this age, which was my reason for asking you if you worked. My earlier posts on this thread mention a dilemma a friend of mine currently has with her eldest who is also 11. That was my reason for asking you

jellyhead

it would be nice to keep this thread on the topic of what to do when children feel they're old enough to be left alone, rather than a debate about working or not (by the way looby i've been getting grief this week for not working, and i'm a married stay at home mum, it seems there's always somebody ready to criticise the way you bring up your children no matter what the circumstances).

my boy is only 9 so of course i wouldn't leave him alone in the house but the childcare facility my sister uses only takes primary school children - i can't think of anywhere around here that takes older children. the leisure centre does full day activity courses but it's only for a few weeks of the year, there are around 16 weeks of school holidays so i have no idea what other mums do with their 11 year olds during school holidays.

Spendless

jellyhead wrote:

it would be nice to keep this thread on the topic of what to do when children feel they're old enough to be left alone, rather than a debate about working or not (by the way looby i've been getting grief this week for not working, and i'm a married stay at home mum, it seems there's always somebody ready to criticise the way you bring up your children no matter what the circumstances).

my boy is only 9 so of course i wouldn't leave him alone in the house but the childcare facility my sister uses only takes primary school children - i can't think of anywhere around here that takes older children. the leisure centre does full day activity courses but it's only for a few weeks of the year, there are around 16 weeks of school holidays so i have no idea what other mums do with their 11 year olds during school holidays.

who've you been getting grief from jellyhead?

The before and after school clubs around here are only based at primarys. Ours says she's registered for upto 14 year olds but doesn't wish to take them beyond year 6. Likewise she's registered for 3 year olds onwards but doesn't wish to take them either until they get to reception age. At least there are private nurseries for under 5s, over 11s it seems more difficult. My son goes to a holiday playscheme that is based in a leisure centre so they do tend to do sports orientated things (eg football). For kids from 8 - 13 several leisure centres offer sports camps, but they aren't on every day and they are for shorter times and I don't think you can get reduced costs via tax credits from them either.

Rachie_B

busymumof3 wrote:

My eldest child is coming up for 11 but I have to say I would not leave him alone at home under any circumstances. He too hates shopping but tough luck he has to come. If he is off school sick, his sister still needs to get to nursery so he has to walk with us too. Sometimes the logistices of one car a family of five and Grandma to pick up or a friend to transport seems impossible but we just have to cope. I would simply just not take the risk of something happening for the sake of 1) Saving money or 2) Inconveniencing yourself or others a little.

Sorry, we are not talking about murders or abduction here, we are talking domestic accidents. How about friends who turn up unannounced or even by design and decide to take advantage. I can unfortunately think of tens of accidents that could happen. When that child is expected to look after a younger sibling it is even worse.

i think at age 11 you have to start instilling a bit of trust in a child,is he with you 24/7 do you allow him to walk to a friends / the shop etc??

even if just for 5 mins while you pop to a neighbours etc

after all they will be going to secondary school soon and they will (possibly)have more responsibility with getting to / from school ,maybe letting themselves in etc

as a mum and working in childcare / education i can seethere isnt enough for older children / teens care in the school holidays

definitely a gap in the market!

Kimberley

black-saturn wrote:

I'm a single mum too but I fit my work round my children. If anyone implied I had to leave my children on their own to go to work I would rather leave the job than the children. It's an unreasonable request for any boss to make.

Some mums don't have a choice though

Kimberley

Spendless wrote:

TIGs- have you ever looked at www.childcarelink.gov.uk

BTW-Notice you are in Yorkshire. So am I. PM me if you wish to state where, just in case we're nearby and I know of any childcare places.

I think i'll have a look around that site :beer:

sammyy

I'm amazes me how a certain poster ALWAYS manages to turn any thread around so it ends up about her and her situation

Anyhoo back to the OP,My eldest is 13 and I do leave her for short periods but don't really feel comfortable leaving her for longer then say an hour.She is sensible but as a parent your mind works overtime thinking up possible disasters that can strike although I'm sure she would be fine.On the subject of siblings looking after each other I really feel that that is my responsability rather then theirs.

Edinburghlass_2

To go back to the OP is there a chance that you could split them up for a couple of days in the week at least and let the 8 year old attend a holiday play scheme of some sort with his friends that another Mum could take him and pick him up from and leave the 11 year old at home for a few hours.

A friend of mine had two daughters who fought tooth and nail when left alone and she spent more time on the phone from work sorting out their arguements. Fortunately she was self employed and used to try and sort out different activities for them when she could.

As an employer I don't think its an unreasonable request to expect employees to come to work during school holidays if that is what they are contracted to do, of course illness is a different case and most employers/employees will try to accommodate an absent parent wherever they can.

My daughter is now 15 and in fact if I am working in the morning she invariable is still sound asleep when I leave the house and often only just wakening when I return. Like most of the other posters she is not allowed friends in while I am out of the house, can answer the phone if she knows the number and all the usual precautions.

TIGs

Edinburghlass wrote:

To go back to the OP is there a chance that you could split them up for a couple of days in the week at least and let the 8 year old attend a holiday play scheme of some sort with his friends that another Mum could take him and pick him up from and leave the 11 year old at home for a few hours.

Not that i couldn't split them up but i wouldn't they like to be together so they can look after each other AAwwww!!!! They get on really well and like i said in a previous post very rarely fall out. Most of my friends have either partners or family to look after their kids in holidays if they work and i really don't like putting on people.

I'm gonna keep them going to kids club for now and maybe have a word and say for the money i'm paying i don't expect them to be telling me they've been bored all day when they come home.

busymumof3

Hi Rachie B

Obviously my son is not with me 24/7. I am not some sad case who has yet to cut the umbilical cord. He walks to school himself and has done since he was nine. He is actually 10 and a half and not almost 11 as I said in my first post. My point is I would not leave him with the responsibility of being alone in the house. He is simply not mature enough to deal with the things that may arise. When I asked him what he thought, his answer was "Cool" but how would I get something to eat? YES, I could play football in the living room" (Big ban on this!)

The son of my sisters neighbour managed to set his trousers alight whilst left alone for an evening. He was playing with a lighter and then hid the burns from his mum and dad for a whole day until they noticedit . I bet they felt good about themselves.

I just think if you can't be there yourself, you make alternative arrangements for them to be looked after. I have plenty of friends who just have to use after school clubs, sports camps etc. As I understood the post, the care is available, it is more a matter of the child saying it is boring or whatever. My response would be "I'm sorry but mum has to work and you have to go"