**Daily Chat 19th June 2009*

becky_rtw

Doomcow wrote: »

im like that becky - with the practical action...

... as my boss says - men are from Mars....

Wonder what my excuse is then - is you calling me a bloke :p:D

ZTD

becky_rtw wrote: »

Indeed - its difficult for those of us who see things in black and white to provide a true kind of emotional resposnse because we cant invisage (sp?) the situation and therefore our emotional reactions are different to others - makes us seem very clumsy...

But often a true emotional response isn't needed for a situation. You have to get the balance between coming to terms with a situation, and changing it. Providing an impossible solution "Just become someone else" is no better than providing a null solution "Just accept it."

Seeing things in black and white just means you aren't looking at it carefully enough. Detail always greys and blurs things.

Take a magnifying glass to your monitor to see that - white isn't white, and black isn't black.

becky_rtw

Sorry maybe didnt word that very well...my problem is definitely when people are wanting sympathy and I dont feel a 'sympathetic' response to their problem - all I feel are ways of solving it, often when people are looking for a sympathetic response they dont want practical actions...so you can suggest them but they just get brushed off with 'oh yeah but I cant do that' and it makes them cross...

Anyway, I do try to be nice, but I can see why Doomy struggles and he doesnt mean it to be harsh - hes trying to offer a response that he feels is appropriate...I often get told I am very cold and unsympathetic by people - I do make tea though...:p

Doomcow

becky_rtw wrote: »

Wonder what my excuse is then - is you calling me a bloke :p:D

lol.. sorry.. i didnt means that

becky_rtw

Doomcow wrote: »

lol.. sorry.. i didnt means that

Its cool Doomy I was joshing you :D:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Doomcow

becky_rtw wrote: »

Its cool Doomy I was joshing you :D:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

ah knows, and yeah we very similar

Burlesque_Babe

Ihave the most bizarre mixture of feelings today.

I feel partly very excited and zingy and happy.
This is being instantly replaced by wanting to cry, but then swaps back again.

Over the top of this I feel physically tired as if I want a snooze but my mind is racing and it is zipping and whooshing around in my head.

So, who fed me an upper, downer, a sleeping tablet and a pro-plus at the same time?! :rotfl:

ZTD

becky_rtw wrote: »

Sorry maybe didnt word that very well...my problem is definitely when people are wanting sympathy and I dont feel a 'sympathetic' response to their problem - all I feel are ways of solving it, often when people are looking for a sympathetic response they dont want practical actions...

Often they are. And often they aren't. That's where attention to detail comes in. Asking pertinent questions to ensure you have a proper understanding of what is going on is never a waste of time. If you start offering practical advice full of your own assumptions which you haven't validated - your practical solution will be wrong - and with the grace of God merely useless. Without the grace of God - dangerous.

becky_rtw wrote: »

so you can suggest them but they just get brushed off with 'oh yeah but I cant do that' and it makes them cross...

That is the "Yes, but" game - look up game playing in transactional analysis.

becky_rtw wrote: »

Anyway, I do try to be nice, but I can see why Doomy struggles and he doesnt mean it to be harsh - hes trying to offer a response that he feels is appropriate...

"Be thankful you have a mother." - currently I fail to see how that would have resolved the situation one way or another. I can only seeing it perpetuating the situation - not quite the worst of all worlds, but not far off.

becky_rtw wrote: »

I often get told I am very cold and unsympathetic by people - I do make tea though...:p

But is that not because you are assuming you know the answer before you have understood the details of the problem?

becky_rtw

HAHAHA BB that is funny - nearly just got caught waisting my last ten minutes in work

becky_rtw

Ooo look a thread spam button - mmm its making me hungry