DH's money situation needs an overhaul - extra question please

Lilith1980

Hi all,

My DH text me just now saying he'd just paid the council tax and was now over his overdraft limit - despite being paid only 2 weeks ago :eek:

He lives on his overdraft anyway but he's obviously spending more than he earns. We have separate bank accounts for this very reason as I am really careful with money (since joining MSE) and he tends to have a devil-may-care attitude, which needs to stop otherwise it will pull us both down and I'll end up paying for him to keep him afloat which I can't afford to do.

I've done a spreadsheet with all his necessary payments which has exposed the things he needs to sort out:-

Cigarettes - £155 per month. I can’t force him to quit smoking but obviously he would save a lot if he did.

Drinking/going out – this is the major downfall. He can easily spend £50 in a night and can do this 1-2 times a week. He drinks too much anyway and I’ve not always been a saint either but I’ve recently cut right back on what I drink when I go out and can now get through a night and just spend £10 (including taxis). I dread to think of the total amount so lets just say this needs to be sorted.

Taxis – he is self employed and has to go and see clients but has no car so he pays by taxis. I will have check as to whether he is claiming these back as at best he can spend at least £200 a month on them!

Lunch - £93 per month – I have nagged him to make his own lunch and I even did it a few times for him, but he’s not a baby and to be honest I am fed up of thinking for him. I wonder whether it's laziness and if I do it I'm sure it would be fine, but I'm not his mum.

I just don't know how to approach this because I'm sure I could sort it out if I took complete control of his finances (which I don't want to do as I have enough to think about), but he's 27 and in some ways I think it's time he faced up to these things.

Anyone else in a similar situation? How did you deal with this?

Thanks

pelirocco

Lilith1980 wrote: »

Hi all,

My DH text me just now saying he'd just paid the council tax and was now over his overdraft limit - despite being paid only 2 weeks ago :eek:

He lives on his overdraft anyway but he's obviously spending more than he earns. We have separate bank accounts for this very reason as I am really careful with money (since joining MSE) and he tends to have a devil-may-care attitude, which needs to stop otherwise it will pull us both down and I'll end up paying for him to keep him afloat which I can't afford to do.

I've done a spreadsheet with all his necessary payments which has exposed the things he needs to sort out:-

Cigarettes - £155 per month. I can’t force him to quit smoking but obviously he would save a lot if he did.

Drinking/going out – this is the major downfall. He can easily spend £50 in a night and can do this 1-2 times a week. He drinks too much anyway and I’ve not always been a saint either but I’ve recently cut right back on what I drink when I go out and can now get through a night and just spend £10 (including taxis). I dread to think of the total amount so lets just say this needs to be sorted.

Taxis – he is self employed and has to go and see clients but has no car so he pays by taxis. I will have check as to whether he is claiming these back as at best he can spend at least £200 a month on them!

Lunch - £93 per month – I have nagged him to make his own lunch and I even did it a few times for him, but he’s not a baby and to be honest I am fed up of thinking for him. I wonder whether it's laziness and if I do it I'm sure it would be fine, but I'm not his mum.

I just don't know how to approach this because I'm sure I could sort it out if I took complete control of his finances (which I don't want to do as I have enough to think about), but he's 27 and in some ways I think it's time he faced up to these things.

Anyone else in a similar situation? How did you deal with this?

Thanks

He can claim this back against his tax , but all he will get is tax relief , , not the £200/ month back?

whatatwit

Have a read through the Debt Free Wannabe board.

There are a lot of people in the same situation as you are and are trying to get their OH's to behave the same.

Lilith1980

pelirocco wrote: »

He can claim this back against his tax , but all he will get is tax relief , , not the £200/ month back?

I did think that. Damn :mad:

Lilith1980

Thanks whatatwit, I will look on the dfw board

Pee

Um... the way you talk about him makes me think that maybe things aren't going well between you. You seem annoyed and exasperated with him. Do you still want to be with him?

People can change, but only if they want to... and usually not if someone else wants them to and tries nagging them into it.

Lilith1980

We are having our ups and downs at the moment but yes, I still want to be with him. I am annoyed at him because his overspending keeps happening - but it doesn't mean I want shot of him!

I just want him to try and take a bit more responsibility of his money.

gymfiend

If it's a requirement for him to take taxi's as part of his self employment, surely he can claim the whole lot back, as it's a business expense?

I had the same problem with my OH, so I split all the outgoings equally and gave us each 'pocket money' in a seperate bank account to our bills - I know he should be able to control his finances himself but he can't, and this was the only 'fair' way we could do it, so we both had the same money & both paid the same bills. Now he knows that once he's got nothing left in there, there's nothing else to have. I've found it works pretty well, he's much more careful as he can see the end to the pit! I've only done this since we bought a house together though so I suppose it depends on personal circumstance as to whether it's appropriate to do.

Pee

I think a joint account for household expenses makes a lot of sense, but it won't stop him living on his overdraft...

whatatwit

gymfiend wrote: »

If it's a requirement for him to take taxi's as part of his self employment, surely he can claim the whole lot back, as it's a business expense?

I had the same problem with my OH, so I split all the outgoings equally and gave us each 'pocket money' in a seperate bank account to our bills - I know he should be able to control his finances himself but he can't, and this was the only 'fair' way we could do it, so we both had the same money & both paid the same bills. Now he knows that once he's got nothing left in there, there's nothing else to have. I've found it works pretty well, he's much more careful as he can see the end to the pit! I've only done this since we bought a house together though so I suppose it depends on personal circumstance as to whether it's appropriate to do.

He can claim the whole lot back, but only as a reduction in his profit.
So, £1000 per month gross
less expenses £200 taxi
Tax is payable on £800
This is only a basic example, but the benefits from this will only be felt when it's time to pay the tax bill.

Lilith1980

Thanks for your replies.

I've talked to him, have now got his credit card which I will cut up and also write a letter for him to sign to cancel it.

I said he needs help with his finances and he agrees so we will set limits for spending when we go out and I will keep tabs on this. He has said he's giving up smoking but I'm cynical about this but he has no fags on him now so we will see.

Slightly out of the blue, we went to see a flat after work which a friend of his is renting out. It's a stones throw from his office which will mean he doesn't have to get a cab into work (he does at the moment). This will save him £140 a month which he's going to give to me.

As for the taxis as part of his job, I checked with him and he draws the money for taxis out of the company bank account so that's ok.

I think I just have to be tougher and not be afraid that he'll think I'm moaning because I think it's the only way to get the message through.