DH's money situation needs an overhaul - extra question please

Any

Lilith1980 wrote: »

We don't have a joint account (I wouldnt trust him not to spend my money as well!) so maybe we can transfer an amount from his other account into that one with no overdraft and he just has that card to draw from each month.

Lilith if you cannot trust him not to spend bill money then this relationship in serious trouble. Or did you think that I was suggesting JUST joint account and not separate accounts as well?

Lilith1980

No it's not to do with not trusting him to pay bills. And yes sorry, I did think you meant JUST a joint account and not separate ones.

We both pay for certain bills as I earn less than DH so we agreed which bills we would each pay for. He pays his bills fine as they are direct debit (apart from council tax which would be easier if he paid by direct debit and I think he needs to set this up).

The aspect I am worried about is the money he has left over for lunch/ciggies/going out, he overspends.

I have no qualms about bills being paid but it's the fact that he moans about going over his overdraft limit when it's all down to him spending too much when he goes out.

He doesn't put any money away for savings which has left me paying for our holiday this year so it's about him staying within his budget each month really.

Dinah93

Lilith1980 wrote: »

I said he needs help with his finances and he agrees so we will set limits for spending when we go out and I will keep tabs on this. He has said he's giving up smoking but I'm cynical about this but he has no fags on him now so we will see.

Don't be cynical, be supportive! About 3 months into my relationship with my OH he asked if I could see a future for us to which I told him I very much hoped so, there was just one thing holding me back. He asked if it was the smoking, which it was. His response was 'well love, you're a lot more important to me than fags, I won't smoke anymore'. I obviously laughed, as he thought nothing of 40 a day! However to his credit, he binned his pack there and then, not even a final one, and just stopped cold turkey. That was 10 months ago now, he hasn't had a single ciggarette since that morning and I'm so proud of him (not least because the requests and nagging of his mum, dad, and friends did nothing but the idea that potentially I wouldn't settle down with him did it!), so I firmly believe now if someone REALLY wants to do something they will. In contrast my best friend has 'quit' over 30 times in the last 4 years, but she has no real reason to, so always starts up again, or it only lasts for a few days until she happens to go down the pub!

Lilith1980

Any: you talking about a joint account makes sense so we pay all bill money into there and whatever is left in our separate accounts is ours to spend as we wish.

So maybe the right move would be to set up a joint account then...

Lilith1980

Dinah93 wrote: »

Don't be cynical, be supportive! About 3 months into my relationship with my OH he asked if I could see a future for us to which I told him I very much hoped so, there was just one thing holding me back. He asked if it was the smoking, which it was. His response was 'well love, you're a lot more important to me than fags, I won't smoke anymore'. I obviously laughed, as he thought nothing of 40 a day! However to his credit, he binned his pack there and then, not even a final one, and just stopped cold turkey. That was 10 months ago now, he hasn't had a single ciggarette since that morning and I'm so proud of him (not least because the requests and nagging of his mum, dad, and friends did nothing but the idea that potentially I wouldn't settle down with him did it!), so I firmly believe now if someone REALLY wants to do something they will. In contrast my best friend has 'quit' over 30 times in the last 4 years, but she has no real reason to, so always starts up again, or it only lasts for a few days until she happens to go down the pub!

Hi Dinah

I realise what you are saying but already this morning my DH has been to the newsagents and bought some cigarettes :rolleyes:

I did show my support for him giving up, but of course I had my reservations as he's done it before half-heartedly and always started again a day or two later so I've come to expect it.

If he wants to smoke then that's up to him what he spends his spare money on. I just don't want his spending to impact on us and our quality of life, hence the reason he's going to start putting money in savings.

Any

Lilith1980 wrote: »

But you talking about a joint account makes sense so we pay all bill money into there and whatever is left in our separate accounts is ours to spend as we wish.

So maybe the right move would be to set up a joint account then...seems clearer now!

Yes, I just thought that once he stops having direct debits coming out of his account during the month then he will have clearer idea about how much he actually have in his account for his own spend at any point of time.
Men usually don't have the ability to think about their finances in detail, they cannot just say "hmm, 350 quid, DD for council tax yet to go, so that is 250 quid, then phone bill, that makes it 200 quid.." all they see is "hmm, 350 quid, that's all right"

Lilith1980

Lol, yes totally!

No it's a really good idea - do banks do credit checks when opening joint accounts as I don't think DH's rating is great and I'm not sure on mine

Any

That is not a problem if you want just a basic account without overdraft.
And if you set it up with the bank you are already with that will be even easier.

dumpy

I'd be wary about opening a joint account, it'll link you financially and if he spends on the joint account then you are liable for the amount.

I know people will say if you are in a relationship you should share and that they cannot see that a joint account is a problem. However they are probably with someone who has the same financial attitude as themselves.

It gets difficult when you are with someone who doesn't have the same attitude as in your case (and mine, I'm speaking from experience here)

Please protect yourself. Help him with his money but don't do it for him or else he won't have to face up to things. Do not set up joint accounts or take out loans for him. On the DFW board they call it a STD, a sexually transmitted debt.

You may change this position later on, if he does get himself sorted and takes control and organises himself. However if he doesn't and you get fed up of subsidising him (I'm thinking of the holiday here) then you can make a clean break, I did and boy do I NOT miss those sleepless nights worrying about his money situation.

Have a look on the DFW for a posting from Ladybez (spelling?) it shows what can happen if one member of the partnership just keeps spending and spending.

Take care.

Lilith1980

Thanks Any, I can set it up with my bank. Will need to figure out timings for money going into the account though as I have two part-time jobs and I get paid on 15th and 26th of each month so need to stagger my transfers.

Dumpy, I hear what you are saying about joint accounts but that is why I wouldn't open one for both of our wages to go into. We would just transfer the money from our own accounts to the joint account to pay for bills and that's it. And then both of us will have whatever spending money we have left over in our own separate accounts.

I will check out that thread though dfrom Ladybez. Thanks