CSA/IS Questions Galore!

blimey40

Get him to pay, you deserve that.

Not that the two should be related, but the child should know and build a relationship with his father. None of my business of course, but I'd get him to pay you.

elf06

I totally agree blimey40 he should be able to build a relationship and as I said his father is more than welcome to see him but sadly he has chosen not to (and from a selfish point of view - its easier for me). I still have the same fone numbers, work for the same place and still live in the same place as I have for the last 7 years (my son is 2 and a half) so if he so wanted then he could get in touch. My sons dad also has another child (8 mts younger than my son) who stays with her mum and he is in another relationship so I think maybe my son is seen as a complication in his life. I also know full well he will say he isnt my sons father (and there is NO doubt!!) so not sure about how it would all work out or the process to go through

Loopy_Girl

Go to the CSA.

They will write to him and ask him if he is the father. If he denies paternity then they will give him the option of getting a DNA test done.

When the results come back, should it be positive, then he will be assessed on his wage also allowing for any other children that he may (or may not!) pay child support for.

You are entitled to get financial support from him just like he is entitled to build a relationship should he wish. He knows where you are as you say so there's not much more you can do other than leave the door open and have a positive outlook should he ask for access.

Always remember your wee one has the right to have a father in his life - if his Dad goes back on this right then there's not much you can do but at least you can tell him (your son) that you tried

blimey40

I brought up my step son at the age of 8 and he is now 24. Similar situation, his dad didn;t want to know. He says, that am I like a dad to him and we do stuff together, I'm sure if your current partner treats him well than your boy will feel the same in time.

elf06

thanks for that - so what happens if he refuses to get the DNA test done and also how do they go about doing it (does it get done at the docs etc)

elf06

Blimey40 - my sons nursery has just made fathers day cards. I asked my son if he wanted to give his to his grandad and he said ' No mummy its for you' so I can understand where your son is coming from and you have clearly done a great job!
Oh and I have no current partner - just me and my boy

blimey40

Loppy girl is spot on.

Elf06, why should he not pay and leave you to do everything?

Contact the CSA, tell them the situation. They will look into his NATional insurance records, contact him, then probably send a mainteance assessment form. That will wake his ideas up !!

it might have changed but think its 15% of his net wage ( will be 12% of gross soon) and they will get him to pay. If he fails to pay then can slap a deduction earnings order, which means they will automatically take the money from his wage. I know its not linked but a compromise about seeing the child should be considered.

His name should be on the birth certificate?

Loopy_Girl

elf06 wrote: »

thanks for that - so what happens if he refuses to get the DNA test done and also how do they go about doing it (does it get done at the docs etc)

If you name him as the father and he refuses a DNA test then he will be assumed to be the father.

If he agrees then the CSA send out a pack to you and to him. He goes to his docs (or one on the list to get it done), you and child go and get yours done (it's a cheek cell sample) and they all get sent away to the DNA test and the results come back in about 2-3 weeks.

It's either a positive - 99.99999% certainty
or it's a negative - 0% chance of paternity

elf06

I appreciate all your advice and help i just dont know whether or not to go ahead and actually pull my finger out and do it!
As for a compromise about seeing my son then as I have said in posts 49 and 53 - I have no problem with him seeing my son and should he wish to then I will happily allow it however he is the one who has chosen to blank us and not remain in contact.
Oh and in Scotland you cant name the father on the birth certificate without him being present and as he was already with someone else by that point he chose not to

Loopy_Girl

But if you get a positive DNA result you can apply to the courts for a Declaration of Parentage which means you could go over his head and get the name put on should he choose not to sign the Declaration.

But then he would have Parental Rights and Responsibilites so you would need to weigh that up