Family!

mrscb

Bless You...What a horrible predicament your family are putting you in.I agree with the majority....its your day not theirs and they need to understand that.I am sure your Grandad would rather not need other people to help him, but we all get old(hopefully) and dont know what the future holds(the complaining relatives could need help in the future and how would they like it).My Gran died before my wedding and I would have loved her to have been there and It did make me sad she wasnt...
Do what you want and invite who you want and dont invite people who dont deserve to be there.TBH it sounds a little bit like they are embarrassed about your Grandad.
Tell your Mum you would rather he was there rather than the Aunty and remind her of all the help he was when you were little and why should he be deprived of being there.(its now time to repay his help!!!)
Good Luck:D

*Louise*

I wonder how your mum and auntie will feel if one day they can't attend their own grandchilds' wedding?

Karma will come round sometime....

honeypop

sexki11en wrote: »

I really will never forgive them for this.

I've read all your replies to peoples comments but still can't see why, if you really feel like this, you're still considering putting them ahead of your grandad.

Also, you say he wouldn't want someone else looking after him - have you asked him this to check? If he knew that as your auntie and mum don't want to care for him for him on the day but you would consider making alternative arrangements to ensure he is looked after when needed, then he may agree, just to be able to share your special day.

And I wouldn't leave it to the auntie/mum to explain to him why he can't be there, as you mentioned, if they are as selfish as they seem then I wouldn't put it past them to 'rearrange' the information and make out you don't want him there.

SugarSpun

I just want to say this:

My grandmother passed away six weeks after our wedding, and I didn't make it home in time to see her conscious before she died. If she'd not been at the wedding and had such an obviously wonderful time I don't think I'd be able to live with myself. She helped to raise me, and she was a wonderful woman. I'd sell the aunt and uncle who were so unhelpful in deciding whether or not they were coming to the wedding in a second, if it meant just another hour with her.

We were blessed that she came to the wedding regardless of the effort involved in getting her to places and making sure someone could always take her to the bathroom etc. I'd be sad to think you'd be missing out on that.

choirgirl_2

At the risk of getting shot down by everyone I have to give you my opinion based on my experience with my Gran. My Gran, who I love to bits, will not be attending my wedding. I have decided that she will not be coming because I want everyone at my wedding to enjoy themselves which they would not be able to do if my Gran was there. My own Mum, Mother of the Bride, who is one of the most important people at my wedding, would be running around, looking after her all day. I am not having that at all. I would not want to ruin my wedding for everyone for the sake of the happiness of my Gran. I should note that my Gran has many medical problems which I will not go into and she is not coming just because she's elderly.

Yes, this is my and my fiance's wedding but it is also a very special day for my immediate family, extended family and friends. I want it to be a happy day, full of joy and relaxation. So, I do understand you Aunt's and Mum's position but agree that they haven't handled the situation in the best way. I hope you manage to resolve it. x

jackieb

My grandma was frail when she was at my sister's wedding. If she said she wouldn't have felt able to go we would have understood. She managed to go to the ceremony and the meal, but had to be taken home after that.

That was 20 years ago. My sister still talks about that she was so glad that grandma was able to be at her wedding. It was the last of her grandchildren's weddings that she went to. The family all looked after her. The wedding wasn't ruined. How on earth would that ruin a wedding?? It wasn't an issue at all, and it shouldn't be. We'd have all felt damned guilty if she'd been able to come, but we'd had to say to her that she couldn't come because there was no-one to look after her. That would have ruined the wedding - the guilt of anyone not being bothered to look out for her.

My son's now at the age that he could be getting married. What would ruin the wedding for me is if they said that my mother couldn't come to the wedding!

morg_monster

I have one living grandma but unfortunately like the OP she can't come to our wedding in July as she has dementia and is in a care home. It is sad as I'm the first of my cousins to be married without her there, but when I consider how she was in the few years before her last stroke, I am glad for my oldest auntie that she will be able to enjoy my wedding without having to spend most of her time caring for grandma.

The one thing I would ask is, when did you last see your Granddad? I only ask because at that age people can deteriorate quite rapidly, I just wondered whether he might be less able to cope with it all and more work for your aunt than he was last time you saw him if it was a while ago. It is a shame that someone would have to leave your wedding early when he wants to go to bed. (presuming he won't be up raving all night, but who knows!). I guess your auntie was looking forward to perhaps having some "time off" from him and it is a shame there is no-one else in the family that can look after him.

I also personally disagree that the wedding day is just about what the bride and groom want. For me it is a day to celebrate with our family and friends and so I want them to have a good time too and enjoy themselves celebrating and catching up with people they haven't seen for a while.

However I do agree your auntie and mum have handled this pretty poorly. I don't really know what to suggest; as someone else said, have you asked Grandad if he'll accept a stranger looking after him - I'm sure he can meet them before the day itself? If it's the only way he can be there, I really would give this option more thought and Grandad might be OK with it if its the only option.

webitha

hang on a mo, i just had a thought, who will be looking after him at home, whilst everybody is enjoying themselves at your wedding???? can they not come with him????

sexki11en

webitha wrote: »

hang on a mo, i just had a thought, who will be looking after him at home, whilst everybody is enjoying themselves at your wedding???? can they not come with him????

Ahhhhhh, I said this last night to my dad. He has his pull cords in the sheltered accommodation so he'll 'be fine' apparently for 2 days! :rolleyes:

Re other posts, it's not so much about putting mom & auntie first - it's about whats best for Grandad. I haven't spoken to him about having a stranger look after him as I really don't want to upset him by telling him whats going on and that no one wants to look after him. How do I tell him that? Aprt from anything else, when you speak to him on the phone - he can barely hear (i'm deaf dont you know lol)

I'm trying not to think too much about it today, as I got really upset about it last night and my eyelids are still swollen from crying. I walked in this morning and my boss said I looked rough lol.

I'll calm down about it all first, then try and think rationally about it all but I really don't think it's going to be do'able

SK x

SmlSave

((hugs)) sexki11en, I hope you find a solution you're ok with.

I have to say that I would never forgive my family for being so difficult, much as my Mum has never forgiven hers! She still gets upset remembering how people couldn't come to hers and yet how others could!

((hugs)) again and hold on in there