Family!

sexki11en

Eurgh. I thought I'd escaped the family politics that normally happen when a wedding's being planned - I guess I was being too smug!

My Grandad (who helped bring my sister & I up when we were younger and Mom was single) lives down South near to my Auntie and I know he is hard work for her, so totally understood when she said she wouldn't be prepared to bring him with her to the wedding and look after him the whole weekend.

But i'm livid now. I've just had a call from my mom (who I think is easily led by my Auntie) who said she explained to my Auntie that we (the bride and groom !!!!!!!) were planning on driving down to pick him up on the Saturday - have him over in the house overnight and arrange to get him to the venue where my mom & dad would look after him (he was going to sit at the top table next to me in place of OH's Dad)

My Auntie basically said that she wouldn't be able to enjoy herself if he was there and she'd have to re think coming as theres also the issue of money (she is insisting the only way to come is to spend the whole weekend at the hotel and get the golf package too at £500!!!)

She fed it into my moms head that Grandad eats noisily and messily (he does but I don't care and he'll be sat next to me) that when he has a drink and he will lol he gets potty mouth - again - I don't care, it won't embarras me, and that it will cause problems and embarrass everyone so he'd best not come.

I cannot believe his own daughters are being like this. It's bad enough that my nan can't come as she's in a home with dementia. I always remember them saying they couldn't wait to see me grown up and married and now they won't.

What on earth do I do? I was relying on mom to look after him for part of the reception and also take him home to my house (they would stay there too) as he can't manage in a hotel room on his own. Now she's saying it'll be too expensive in a taxi (which we said we'd cover) and my dad won't be able to get his car from the venue the next day if he goes home in the taxi instead of staying over (plenty of people to drive it back)

I have to say i'm ashamed of my family right now

Do I cheese off half the family just to get what I want?

SK x

What would you guys do?

kazwookie

Tell the aunt to get stuffed, it is YOUR wedding and YOU will invite guests YOU want.

If she doesn't like it, tell her she is best staying at home!!

I hope you have a wonderful day.........I am so glad you have a granddad and you want him there next to you. Go for it.

honeypop

sexki11en wrote: »

Do I cheese off half the family just to get what I want?

Yes. It's your wedding and what you (or you and OH) say, goes. I was pleased I did everything my way for our wedding and didn't pander to petty family requests or squabbles, and it worked out fine. If we had any problems with the planning that involved deciding who we really wanted there, we went with our hearts rather than what people thought we 'should' do, and I feel that if you are prepared to do everything you say to enable your grandad to attend then he's the most important thing.

svjenni

feel free to shoot me down in flames, but it sounds like you are prepared to make a good deal of sacrifices and money to have him at your wedding so here goes,

yes, your family are being selfish about not wanting to bring him along - they probably are only thinking about the parts of the day they will miss out on by having to look after him- they only want to enjoy your day too.

The aunt with the golf package and the whining cos he eats messily can go jump - she clearly has an agenda or doesn't want him there that much she is completly oblivious to the way she is behaving

anyway my point is, if you are willing to spend money why not consider a chaporone for the day? I know that they are a stranger etc etc but once you get past that it could be viable to get someone to help look after him during the day - i heard an advert on the radio for a company that does that - they would be able to ride in taxi, help at dinner etc.

Either way you should try and get your way, because this is extremly important to you, but you have to remember that in asking family to help look after him you are reliant on them .... (iykwim...?)

Liquorice_Twirls

sexki11en wrote: »

Do I cheese off half the family just to get what I want?

Or put another way - end up with a wedding that they want instead of you?

Your Granddad sounds like an important man in your life and I have a feeling that your wedding would not be complete if he didn't have some part of it.

Why your Mum and Auntie are behaving like this is not for me to start to understand, however I think they need reminding whose wedding it is, what matters most to you (and your partner), and how disappointed you would be if Granddad wasn't there.

mrshaigh2b1987

i think it sounds like ur close with ur grandad so stuff every1 else and have ur grandad at ur big day just like u want! X x

mgardner

sexki11en wrote: »

Eurgh. I thought I'd escaped the family politics that normally happen when a wedding's being planned - I guess I was being too smug!

My Grandad (who helped bring my sister & I up when we were younger and Mom was single) lives down South near to my Auntie and I know he is hard work for her, so totally understood when she said she wouldn't be prepared to bring him with her to the wedding and look after him the whole weekend.

But i'm livid now. I've just had a call from my mom (who I think is easily led by my Auntie) who said she explained to my Auntie that we (the bride and groom !!!!!!!) were planning on driving down to pick him up on the Saturday - have him over in the house overnight and arrange to get him to the venue where my mom & dad would look after him (he was going to sit at the top table next to me in place of OH's Dad)

My Auntie basically said that she wouldn't be able to enjoy herself if he was there and she'd have to re think coming as theres also the issue of money (she is insisting the only way to come is to spend the whole weekend at the hotel and get the golf package too at £500!!!)

She fed it into my moms head that Grandad eats noisily and messily (he does but I don't care and he'll be sat next to me) that when he has a drink and he will lol he gets potty mouth - again - I don't care, it won't embarras me, and that it will cause problems and embarrass everyone so he'd best not come.

I cannot believe his own daughters are being like this. It's bad enough that my nan can't come as she's in a home with dementia. I always remember them saying they couldn't wait to see me grown up and married and now they won't.

What on earth do I do? I was relying on mom to look after him for part of the reception and also take him home to my house (they would stay there too) as he can't manage in a hotel room on his own. Now she's saying it'll be too expensive in a taxi (which we said we'd cover) and my dad won't be able to get his car from the venue the next day if he goes home in the taxi instead of staying over (plenty of people to drive it back)

I have to say i'm ashamed of my family right now

Do I cheese off half the family just to get what I want?

SK x

What would you guys do?

Bye Bye Auntie Hello Grandad its your Day have what you want. I dont see how this is half your family your Mum seems to be OK with it. My Grandad ate noisly, took out his teeth and put them my his plate, see another post , and it it one of my dearest photos

sexki11en

I hear what you're all saying, I really do but I don't think I have a choice. I've just been ranting to my MOH about it and she was right - if no one in the family is prepared to help me look after him on the day - I just can't do it by myself. Not on my wedding day. I know my friends would do it, but he doesn't know them and might not be fair on him - besides - it should be family.

I really think i'm going to have to back down on this one but 2 things:
1) There is NO way in hell i'm telling him he can't come - my Auntie can explain to him why he can't be there and i'll make sure he knows we want him there
2) I'll make my feelings about it very clear on the day

I'm actually disgusted and sick to my stomach that my own family aren't doing everything they can to make their own dad/grandad happy.

SK x

Ps: Mgardner - your post made me smile - my grandad would do that for sure lol.

jackieb

That's just so sad. I'm so sorry for you (and your grandad) if he can't come. I can't imagine family being so selfish.

*Louise*

I feel so sorry for your grandad :sad:

Too often when older people reach a certain age, they get pushed aside as if they are no longer useful, and are made to feel as though they are a burden.

It's wonderful that you have tried so hard to have your grandad there, and tbh I think you need to make your feelings clear about the situation long before the day (no point in ruining your actual day because of people's selfishness)

You need to tell them asap how unhappy you are with the way they are acting.

xx

funky_snow

this thread breaks my heart... and i hear what you are saying.
although it 'should' be family - is there anyone that loves you - knows this is important to you and could be a designated 'chaperone' for your grandad.
I would sure as hell do this for one of my friends...

And there's a little 'evil' bit of me that would make a point in the speeches (either groom or best man) thanking that chaperone - for ensuring that the most important person after the happy couple could be there - and insist that everyone raises a toast to grandad and the 'chaperone'.