help with alcoholic dad!! Making himself Ill!!

Mips

Not much more I can say, but sadly, his world will go on without you in it. Whilst you are looking after him you are making his life easier - he wont hit the rock bottom he needs whilst you are carrying him.

Very difficult - but he is sick and needs help. And you don't need the burden

rosered1963

Dippychick wrote: »

Not much more I can say, but sadly, his world will go on without you in it. Whilst you are looking after him you are making his life easier - he wont hit the rock bottom he needs whilst you are carrying him.

Very difficult - but he is sick and needs help. And you don't need the burden

I agree with Dippy. Who can disagree with this, really?

You have sacrificed 5 years of your young life to try and help him. I am assuming he is still drinking and in a pretty bad way. If that is the case, having you there for support has not stopped him drinking, so without you there, he will do it anyway. If one last all-out attempt to get him to see that he needs help fails, you will have to leave for your own sanity.

If he gets treatment and begins to recover, you will be happy to leave anyway and his life will begin again. So either way, you will be leaving sooner rather than later. All I meant in my earlier posts was that in my experience, if you have tried your absolute best to get him to admit he needs practical help, that's all you can do and you need have no regrets in the future that you didn't do your best.

Just in my opinion, from what you have said,It sounds like he may be late stage (ie 3/4) and therefore he may be unlikely to be able to stop drinking of his own accord - he needs intervention but he must accept that.

I am very concerned for your well-bring now and in the long term and do suggest you seek help and support for yourself no matter what your Dad does. There are some brilliant books out there of the possible effects of being a grown-up child of an alcoholic - it's all well doumented in the addiction/psych field - forewarned is forearmed!

Hope you are ok. RR x

sazzie_sue

Hi All,

Again thanks for all you support and caring, my dad has read my letter and spoke to him when I got home today. It was all tears and water works and he promised he is going to change. He wants me to make him an appointment at the doctor's for him to get help so will call them tomorrow, see how it goes. I don't know if i fully believe him as he wasn't willing to talk about anything else like how I'm feeling or the issue I have over me paying most of the bills. I was trying to encourage him to look for work again but he was not interested.

One positive thing is I have been on the phone to my mum and told all about whats been going on, I never really talked about it before as I thought she wouldn't want to know with my dad being her ex they have really spoken since the split. She was so cross that I hadn't told her what has been going on she had no idea, she just thought I was living my life, going out and having fun. The one thing I have learnt is I need to communicate with her more. She is coming up next weekend to stay so we can have a proper talk and see what we can sort out.

Regardless of if my dad sorts himself out I am thinking about moving out anyway, I want to live my life, meet new people talking to my mum has been a huge wake up call as like she said I am now going through with him what she went through and that's why she left him. The problem is if I did decide to move out I have no where to go. I could move in with my mum but she live an hour and a half away if a different city as do my family, I have my job, my friends and my boyfriend near me at home. I don't want to move in with my OH as this is quite a new relationship and wouldn't want to put pressure on that. I was thinking maby like a shred house with few girls similar age to me could be fun. We shall see what happens but so glad I have told my mum, I now feel at least I have a little help. I will let you all know how it goes with the doctors and thanks again for your advice.

SS!

rosered1963

Best of luck to you SS!

rosered1963

PS SS- I think Martin is sexy as well - cute as a sleepy puppy - hope he doesn't see this LOL

Swirlywurly

I think you've done really well by writing the letter and talking to your mum.

You should be really proud of yourself (I feel all motherly and i'm only a year older than you!). You sound like a lovely person and I wish you all the best.

UKTigerlily

Well done SS, please keep us updated, I hope the Dr's appointment goes well & you get some help for you & your Dad x

Savvy_Sue

Link for Al-Anon. Sadly the fact that your dad asked you to make the appointment rather than making it himself indicates that he may not yet be ready to take responsibility for this himself. I hope I'm wrong, but ...

Until he IS ready to take responsibility, then there's absolutely nothing you or anyone else can do, and to be honest, continuing to facilitate his drinking by looking after him may not help.

mandi

Dippychick wrote: »

Not much more I can say, but sadly, his world will go on without you in it. Whilst you are looking after him you are making his life easier - he wont hit the rock bottom he needs whilst you are carrying him.

Very difficult

So True Dippy,

My sister used to plead with me to buy her brandy , whiskey, vodka, anything . When I refused , then, she would ask for a lift to the shop.

The amount of times I took her , stinking of vomit , and urine , hoping to shame her, and it never worked . 15 years on , shes still drinking & in prison .

Its affected me , her chldren , my children , and my relationship with my parents , but she wont stop

heath480

Hi SS,Do hope you can contact Al Anon,I am a Recovering Alcoholic and so understand how you are affected by your fathers drinking,my children had despaired of me but I had enough in the end.I answer the AA helpline on a regular basis in my area and I have a list of all the Alanon contacts locally.Try ringing your local AA helpline and they will be able to help you.Do hope things improve for you.