Marrying a divorced man

Pee

gizmo111 wrote: »

I don't think the OP was talking about in death. And surely any reasonable parent would make sure their children were provided in the event of their death, through life insurance etc to cover what the ywould potentially miss financially up to leavign University age.

It's one of the cases where life insurance is important.

If you have a second family, of course you would want to provide for the first, but you also need to provide for the second who by definition will be younger... and you are right that leaving university age would be better than the age of 18 which the state decrees.

Pee

A restraining order may not mean he behaved that badly.. although it does raise issues of trust. If his ex is vindictive, she could get a restraining order without him behaving badly. It's one of those cases where there can only be one person's word against another...

Giraffeseeker

Pee wrote: »

A restraining order may not mean he behaved that badly.. although it does raise issues of trust. If his ex is vindictive, she could get a restraining order without him behaving badly. It's one of those cases where there can only be one person's word against another...

I agree, my OH's ex wife got a restraining order served on him at an end-of-term party six months after his wife left him (he's a teacher) in front of his colleagues. She told him that night it was a "warning" regarding how difficult she could make his life if he refused to give her the house (she had left him to be with another man, which didn't work out). This was the Friday night. As it was "her" weekend with the children (they have 50/50 care and alternate weekends) but also the end of term (she's a teacher too!), she was round his house the following morning asking for him to do her a favour by having the children sat night to allow her to go out and celebrate the end of term. She said the solicitors had recommended the restraining order and that the sol's tactics shouldn't get in the way of them "supporting" each other with the children.

If he was violent then I think I might have noticed after being with him for 2 years. I think the restraining order was exactly what she claimed, a tactic to get the house. She didn't BTW, although he did babysit that saturday night

worbikeman

Pssst wrote: »

Why cant he phone the house? Is there a secret past that he isnt telling you about?

If not,then it appears he is either scared stiff of his ex or has no backbone/not assertive enough.

Thinking about your possible LTR,has she purloined half his pension?

It's not a case of having no backbone. In an acrimonious divorce (which this obviously was) a letter or phonecall can very easily be held as harrassment. The situation is made more complicated if the ex-wife can allege violence or threatening behaviour (which can be a punched door, a smashed cup), or the influence of alcohol, in previous rows. The penalty for the husband would be: even more limited access, or quite possibly no access at all to his kids. He has to tread very carefully indeed.

Running_Horse

Pee wrote: »

I'd wonder what someone had been doing if they had got to 40 without being married or in a serious relationship.

Well, I was trying to become a better and more mature person and hoping for the right woman to come along, and she did on my 39th birthday, and we are now happily married with a wonderful daughter. Good thing I didn't discount someone who had had a bad first marriage.

belfastgirl23

I don't think the problems are with the ex wife at all in this scenario OP, I think the problem is the relationship you have with your partner. He won't tell you what's going on and wont' tell his ex-wife and kids about you. You seem to have a lot of vague ideas of what's happening and are trying to figure out how to sort things out from a position of not knowing what's giong on to start with. The problem isn't managing his relationship with her (because you may as well give up on having any control there) but managing your relationship with him.

Also if in general you are worried about him financially supporting his child, you need to think about this very seriously. If you think this will be something you resent, you're better off getting out now.

Agree with the others, you need to sit down and have a really long talk with him to get to the bottom of some of this!

choccybuttons

Hi

Iv got a friend who married a man like this. Her main bugbear is that they never have enough money as a large chunk goes to the ex and child. He wont go through csa to pay less as he and ex agreed amount before meeting his new wife. So if you can live with the money side and not blame him as well as addressing the other stuff, then marry him.

bestpud

It all sounds dodgy to me!

Another thought: perhaps he is abusive (hence the restraining order) and he doesn't want them to know of you in case she feels the need to warn you? Abusive men can keep their cool and be very nice, until they have the woman hooked!

I have to say restraining orders are often used to threaten ex partners but they are not so easy to obtain on reality.

I agree you need to ask some serious questions...

dipsy

any update on this? just a nosey mare ...

but equally think it is important to know if his ex was issuing idle threats re restraining order or if it was in force...

if it was in force then I would rightly or wrongly think he had done something to warrant this in the past and that should be taken very seriously

Hope its all worked out for you x