Marrying a divorced man

whothrewthat_2

Pocket,

I'm in my 30s and about to be married to a divorced man with 2 kids. It is not easy and you have to be absolutely sure before you commit. When it gets tough later down the line you will be surprised how many people will say to you 'well you knew what you were getting into', I've never bought into this theory as who truely knows how they are going to feel? what i would say is that if you are having doubts, whether they be with the stress of the situation or the fact that your partner may not be telling you the whole truth then don't go any further until they are resolved either way. There is no rush and as the corny old saying goings 'decide in haste, repent at leisure'.

I don't know your situation but I have to say that whilst evil ex's do make up stories to get their partners restrained, these are not usually upheld unless there is some substance to it. Injunctions are not issued without solid evidence, they cannot simply be done on a whim. I think that there is more to this than you might be aware of and I would try to really get to the bottom of this as it might blow up in your face later if you find out something unsavoury. Also as one poster has previously said it is very easy for some men to play the new partner off against the old.

As far as the divorce goes I've never heard of an ex being able to claim a percentage of the former partners new property. Child and spousal maintanance can be reassessed but generally property and assets are divided at the time. If no clean break is available then property can be sold later and a pre-determine split is then done (i.e. a mesher order). This arrangement your partner has sounds a bit fishy to me. If you are worried about the finances and really want to know then maybe you should ask to see the consent order from the divorce which sets out child maintance payments and so on. If he is not willing to be open and up front with this information on the basis that you are planning on merging your assets then I really would start to worry.

I know I sound like the prophet of doom and gloom but it seems to me that there are a lot of unanswered questions which are causing doubt. You need to reassure yourself you are on firm ground before you go any further.

Good luck

MrsAnnie

Mini_Bear wrote: »

i can think of nothin more irritating than your kids coming home sayin "we had such a great weekd with daddy and his girlfriend, shes so lovely". !

OHs DD went home and told her mum that my house was 'very posh'. That sure did make my day!!! :rotfl::rotfl:

galvanizersbaby

pocketrocket wrote: »

Hello thanks for the replies I think im being kept in the background just to make things 'easier' and it could make her more volatile by the sounds of it, in a way it suits me while we make our minds up to spend the rest of our lives together (im 38 no kids he is 40 and wouldnt mind more kids) I am keeping an open mind and never slag the ex off its not in my nature.

They are divorced the settlement is that she kept the house as far as I know so why does she contact a solicitor to claim 50% of his new property? I think it was a choice between a clean break or that she can keep claiming anything he has, am I right in thinking this could be the case for some ex's?

About the harrament thing it is really easy for a woman to go to a policeman and say she is being harrassed and put an injunction out for him not to come close to the house or phone her. But she is allowed to pass on messages advising him of change of pick up times etc via scribbled post it notes given to her daughters to pass to him when he sees them, but he has to pay a solicitor to say something really simple? Of course im not being naive I have heard of horror stories before where ex's turn when they divorce.

The thing is it was her idea to divorce and no one cheated on either side. It was a simple case of falling out of love (probably more to it I hear you say but I will only ever hear one side of it)

I can see myself getting wound up now about him forking out £200 pounds to ask to take his daughters abroad this summer what will I be like when we marry? this will be money coming from our household.

Sounds a bit obvious but can't you ask your OH what terms were agreed in his divorce settlement? he is the only one who will know for sure what has been agreed and if you are thinking of making a long term future together you need to know

faye6174

Hello there,

I feel for you greatly as i am in a similar position to you. Believe it or not i have no constructive advice! Just to say if you love him, hang in there.

I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years now and we are still having problems with the ex. She hates me altough we have never met, (i was not involved in the break up at all) she has poisoned the kids against me somehow. In her little world I am the only thing stopping them getting back together. She witheld permission for their divorce for 5 years!

We are now having a baby, and she has found out, and has told the kids who 'are upset' I dread to think what awful things she has said to them. She has now withdrawn contact because of it. It is heart breaking to see what these men go through at the hands of a pathetic, bitter and jealous ex.

It never ceases to amaze me what lengths these sort of women will go to to point score against their exes.

I am sort of lucky, my bf's ex is thick as mince and when she thinks she has 'one up' we can subtley and intelligently turn things to our advantage. (example, BF was paying her maintenance, for BOTH kids, one of which is not his, IN HER HAND as well as buying school uniforms and anything else that was asked for while she was on benefits, . She thought she would be smart by taking him to the CSA, lets just say they now get a token gift for Christmas and birthdays and we are a lot better off. She is no better off as the CSA money goes to pay her benefits and now has to buy all the other stuff that he used to)

Sorry this has turned into a rant about my situation, but my initial advice sticks, if you love him, don't let this situation with the ex ruin things. i wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

margaretclare

I married a twice-divorced man, but fortunately, he didn't walk out on wifey #1 until the youngest was in an apprenticeship and not living at home. With wifey #2 there were no children between them.

He took the view that, when a marriage is over, it's over. He had a 'clean break' settlement both times. He has not had to see or to have any contact whatsoever with either of them. It's part of his life that he has just put behind him.

The only effect on us was the difficulty of finding a church where we could be married. Our local parish church refused, so we found a 'home' in the Methodist Church and were married there.

galvanizersbaby

faye6174 wrote: »

Hello there,

It never ceases to amaze me what lengths these sort of women will go to to point score against their exes.

I am now wondering if my ex hubbies current partner thinks the same about me speaking as an ex wife
I am happily divorced following repeated infidelities by the ex - ex and me rub along happily enough for the sake of our children but I know he is dishonest and has lied to her about the reason for our divorce and a leopard never changes it's spots.
If the kids let slip as much to her as they do to me she could even think I'm a threat! - oh dear, I had always liked to think her hostility towards me was more about the fact I was there first but knowing him I could never be sure exactly what he's up to.
She seems like a nice lady but I have to wonder sometimes - she has no cause to dislike me

Sorry OP gone off at a tangent but not all ex wives are the same and as you say there are always 2 sides to every story - having said that some people are just a pain in the proverbial no matter what!

faye6174

I said 'these sort' not all ex wives, but for the grace of God and all that.....

dipsy

I have to say I get on fine with my ex and when he was with his g/f of 2 years I got on fine with her also

maybe I am unusual but what I do know is that my partners ex wife is a nightmare, but his partner from a previous relationship before he was married, with whom he had 2 children is as nice as they come.

So I guess sometimes you get luck and sometimes you don't ....

gizmo111

Its not all doom and gloom, my ex-husbands ex wife is now a goodfriend of mine and also guardian of my children should anything happen to me.

pocketrocket_2

Hello

Yes the thing that is bothering me the most is the restraining order, but at the same time it does come across as she is making up things to keep him away well thats what he claims. His personality is one of someone who will bend over backwards to do anything for me he is the kindest man ive met, and I cannot imagine being apart.

I guess I should be blunt and ask him things im not clear about.