OH, holiday and debt

Glen0000

hvd wrote: »

OFGS! Did I say that?! What the hell is wrong with you people? Do you spend your whole lives assuming things and making stuff up?

The mystery deepens! If you have an income with no job and are not claiming benefits do tell us your secret. I would love to give up work!

hvd

It's none of your business. Just because I posted here does not give you or anyone else the right to know the ins and outs of my private details and I'm shocked at how intrusive some of you are and how you cant just take what you're told and leave it at that. I wont be posting here again.

Pollycat

Hi hvd
I've noticed that you've only posted on the MS in Marriages board so far.

Although I know that you've said that you don't need help to go over your personal finances, I really would recommend that you take a look at the Debt Free Wannabe board, there's lots of good people there who will offer advice on paying off debt, reducing your outgoings etc.
Also, take a look at the MSOldStyle board for tips on saving money on food and cleaning stuff.

Good luck

Pee

hvd wrote: »

So it's ok for people to assume things and write negatively about me on that basis but I can't respond?

The facts about money are - I have an income, I just dont work. I dont need help to go over my personal finances. Our income wont change.

Asking whether you were entitled to benefits or whether you are ill is not negative.

If there is no way of increasing your income, then is there anyway of reducing outgoings? There are some great tips for Old Style moneysaving on here. How much will the holiday in Florida cost? Does it have to be school holidays if the children are primary school age? (You will need to look carefully into that.) Is a half term an option or Easter holidays?

MrsAnnie

hvd wrote: »

As for the last comment about how you can see that mental illness could explain my negativity and my situation, how dare you. My negativity is simply because there are no ways to come up with a solution that caters for everything, and I'm as fed up with our life as he is, only I'm the one that gets left to sort it all out, so dont you dare talk to me about my negativity. You've made assumptions that are wrong and you're out of line.

Usually, only in a perfect world do solutions to any problem cater to everything (or everyone).


I am in a one-income household, and I have to sacrifice alot for the luxury of staying at home. Sorry to be blunt, but there is no way I could afford to take a 2 week vaction in Florida. Would love to, but the money is just not there. Maybe you and your other half should plan a vacation that would be just as wonderfull but that would be within your means, since clearly the Florida vacation would leave you more in debt than you are now. There are plenty of great locations to go for a fab holiday.

Pollycat

hvd
re your OH's friend who recently died in an accident - were they very close?
If they were, maybe your OH needs to do some grieving - has he spoken about the accident or is he bottling things up?

Was it before or after the accident that your OH started with the idea of going to Florida?
Maybe this is a knee-jerk reaction to losing a friend and the realisation that he won't live forever.

I hope you manage to sort this out.

RadoJo

HVD - I can see why you feel defensive, but people are genuinely trying to help on here. They can only go on what you post, so if you feel as though people are prying, it's mostly only because everyone here wants to be able to give the best advice possible so they ask for more information so they can give you advice which will be useful. Bear in mind that some people are happy to share a lot of detail (have you seen the thread about being caught 'at it' by your daughter!), so some questions which don't seem that personal to others may be to you.
On the matter of what to do, if you are sure that there is no way to increase your income, then decreasing your outgoings is the only option - cheaper meals, downgrade any TV package, shop around for the cheapest gas & electricity, doing without mobile phones etc.
However, I also agree that it sounds as though your husband is worried about more than the holiday - it clearly represents something which is important to him, so maybe if you tell him you will do whatever you can to help reach that goal that would be a start.
Can I ask why you feel as though the responsiblity for organising/fundraising falls to you? Is it just because you handle the household finances, or has your husband actually said that he wants you to work out how it can be done?

pelirocco

I think the OP recognises that Florida will not be a magic cure all , and even if she did get a part time job ( or whatever ) the debt should be paid off first . Florida holidays can work out expensive but more importantly speaking from experience can be very stressful. OP your oh seems to have reached a crisis point in his life and might need professional help

mrcow

Well that's true, Florida isn't going to solve anything.

But getting together and working through your problems and prioritising the budget so that it caters for everyone will help.

Janae

hvd - Here are my thoughts and I will apologize in advance for any wrong assumptions.
The house - I don't know your ages but if you have primary age children you probably have a mortgage over a good few years and so this does not need immediate attention as long as you can meet the current repayments. As for the state of the house your main problems are any health & safety issues and as long as the lack of bannisters isn't posing a risk then plan the repairs over a longer term.
Finances - I know there are so many people who through no fault of their own develop debt problems (I could have been there myself for a while if my family had not helped when my ex & I divorced), but I don't really believe in spending money that isn't mine on luxuries. A holiday as a future plan though is a good idea but could you persuade your OH to plan for two years ahead? This would give you time to tackle the other debts first.
Holiday - Florida is a long way with young children. You don't give their ages but if they go to places like Disneyworld there is so much time spent queueing,etc. If they were a little older they would cope better and remember more. Would it have to be in the summer holidays? Some schools will sanction time out in term-time for up to two weeks and this would obviously save money. A chat with the head of the school when you get closer to the reality of a holiday may be helpful.
Expenditure & income - it seems you have no way of increasing your income at the moment but a look at the board about increasing income may be helpful. The Old-Style board also has an enormous wealth of advice on how to be thrifty, cut shopping bills etc. The debt-free wanabee board is very supportive too and has lots of advice. I appreciate your privacy but if you can post even just a few of your outgoings on that board you will get good responses if posters think there are areas where costs can be trimmed.

I have only been posting for a while but lurking for ages. There is so much help and support on these threads that I would definitely advise you to stay with us. I think it's a great community:j:j:T.

It sounds like you are both very tired, have been struggling for a while and have a way to go, so the light at the end of the tunnel must seem distant. I hope you find a way through.

kj