OH, holiday and debt

hvd

Hi everyone, I've got a problem that is quite serious and I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'd like some help if you could.

We have a mortgage, a 2 year interest free loan which we still owe £3800 on and a 0% credit card that we owe £5000 on and have 7 months left of the 0% period.

We also have things that need doing in the house, we've only got doors on the bedrooms, the other rooms need doors, our bathroom needs replaced as the toilet leaks and the bath has a crack in it. We've got no stair bannister and the walls need plastered to make good the damage caused when other work was done.

We've lived in this house in this state for around 2 years when we ran out of money and had to stop work. We've got no social life and never go out and never have any money to spend on ourselves. My husband is sick of the stress, sick of lack of money and sick of having no life. One of his friends has just died in a car accident and it's all come to a head for him now and he thinks life is too short to worry about doors and bathrooms.

He wants to go on holiday to Florida next year and wants to start saving now to pay for it. I have no idea how we can save for this when we have so much to pay already. I've written down in black and white what our money situation is but it's not helping, he shuts up for a day or a week then starts talking about holidays again. He's not interested in going anywhere cheaper, it has to be Florida and he's got the kids wound up now too. I'm really mixed up about this as I know how bad he feels just now and how horrible our life has been for years but all our debt worries me and I dont see how we can go on holiday when we have so much to pay off. I'm not sleeping for thinking about all this and I dont know what to do, part of me thinks he's just being stupid and selfish but he's really had enough and I'm worried what will happen if we dont go on holiday, I really think he might just walk out one day because of all the stress. What would you do? We haven't been on holiday for years so it's not like we get to go often. He's a good man but he's not a strong type and doesn't deal well with things. I know it doesnt make sense to think about spending money to go to America when we need to pay things so what do I do?

RAS

Hi

i am not much good with holidays in Florida but....

1. you all need a break. Do you have any relatives who live away and are going away this summer so you could house-sit for a week? Very little cost and might make a break.

Alternatively, could you borrow a tent, caravan or something and head off for a couple of weekends.

Or find some of these "volunteering" weekends where your could go, either as a family or just him for a break?

2. Consider house swaps? If OH knows that Florida depends on doors and banisters, he might be motivated to sort them out?

viktory

I'd forget the house, pay the debts and save for a holiday. If there is no money after paying the debts then a holiday is out of the question for now and you should all consider ways of making a few extra pound - ie, Ebay, babysitting, dog walking etc to help clear the debts and have that holiday.

Sounds like you all need a break.

hvd

I don't have any relatives left now and my husband only has a brother who he hasn't seen in years and he doesnt know where he is now so family visits are out. Camping isnt an option and I wouldn't want to do a house swap, it's not for me and I'd be too embarrassed about our house anyway, it's not in a good area.

My husband works long shifts as it is and when he's at work I'm at home with the kids. I do sell some bits on ebay but it's only pin money and it already goes towards the credit card debt. We've been through the buget and looked at ways of increasing our income but what we have coming in now will be what we have coming in, full stop.

mrcow

Why Florida?

Is it becasue of going to Disney? How old are the kids?

The Daily Mail were doing bumper deals to Eurodisney this year (£75 for a day trip, a couple of hundred for a couple of nights away etc) and they could well be repeated next year. Florida is nice, but you do need to get out and see more of it than just Orlando.

I absolutely agree that life is too short and you should be enjoying it, if you don't .....tell me what's the point?

But......

If you are going to saddle yourselves with loads more problems for two weeks in Florida, then it's 100% not worth it. The house stuff will wait, true, but you do need to get it sorted as you can't live in a place that depresses you.

Errata

Sometimes when we're very stressed we look around for an escape hatch. It looks like your OH has settled on the IDEA of Florida as his. Something to look forward to, daydream about - it lets him escape from his feelings of stress.
It doesn't sound do-able, but I think you both probably need something to look forward to and plan for.

How to do it? One way would be for you both to sit down together and do an action plan. Start from the goal, Florida, and plan backwards from that identifying each step you need to take and when. This might make you both more determined to get there, or it might show that the goal is totally unrealistic. That frees you both off to trash that goal and settle on another one.

hvd

He's had Florida in his head for years and years. It's been one of those things he's just always wanted to do. It's just that he's decided he's not waiting any longer and it's about time we just did it. He says he could be run over by a bus next week and all he's had to show for his life recently is work and stress.

There is no way we can pay off the credit card and the loan and save, but he's just ignoring that point and I dont know whether to be sensible towards the debt or sensible towards my husband and our marriage becasue it doesnt look like I can do both.

Oldernotwiser

I don't know how old your children are but could you look at getting a little part time job to help you chip away at your debts and to save up. Care homes need people for night shifts, if your husband is at home at night. or you can get help with childcare through tax credits.

Forget about the house, that can wait; the idea of a holiday will keep you both going, even if, in the end, it isn't doable.

mrcow

There is always an answer.

The key to it is working out the budget.

If this means that Florida takes 6-9 months more than anticipated, then so be it - but there is always a way. How old are the children and how many are you altogether? Are you looking to going in school time or during the holidays?

Oldernotwiser

hvd wrote: »

There is no way we can pay off the credit card and the loan and save, but he's just ignoring that point and I dont know whether to be sensible towards the debt or sensible towards my husband and our marriage becasue it doesnt look like I can do both.

Your husband and marriage come first; debt is only money!

LeeSouthEast

You can get yourself out of dire straights if you can convince him to forget about the holiday for this year or the next. You need to put your foot down here otherwise you'll end up in more debt than you are now. Have a play with snowballing, and you'll see what I mean.

When you owe no one anything, then you should consider holidays.

Just my two cents