Guest dilemma - money instead of pressies...how much to give???

Belease

I never mentioned a poem, but it's obvious that people are pretty eager to find fault no matter how or what you say.

I don't recall saying I was going to put it on an invite, come around people's houses and demand it, or put my bank details in. What I will do is put the mum-in-laws in charge, and if anyone wants to know about gifts, they can ask them. Putting it in an invite is obviously too sore for most people - even though, personally, I would find it helpful. And, to be honest, 50% of the people coming will find not having a guest list with the invites really weird.

I think this idea of money/gift lists brings out the absolute worst in people, such a shame at the horrible attitudes of some people who are really eager to ascribe negativity to a positive, happy event. Tbh the whole day would be better without those kind of people, so perhaps it's better to weed them out at the invitation stage!:rotfl:

greenmoneysaver_2

I think it isn't just the idea of money/gifts that is the issue now.
From reading the forums we are all invited and expected to go to weddings in far flung places, or at least travel and spend 1 night in a hotel!
If you are on any sort of budget then travel/hotel/clothes/food/drink and THEN an expensive gift sometimes feels a bit of a rip-off.
We have started refusing these offers and just sending a card and a gift, and are still friends with all of them!

Back to original point - I think £20 is fine for an evening invite - the suggestion of double the buffet price is a bit naff, Surely a wedding is to celebrate with people you like, not to make a profit?

val_84

leona71 wrote: »

Yeah I tend to find £20 is usually a lot of money for people whom smoke, drink or gamble.

I disagree completely with this comment. I dont smoke or gamble and while I drink I dont do it a lot but I would still find £20 a lot and would be extremely grateful to receive this from anyone as I would rather they attended but especially with the way things are at the moment I think to say that £20 isnt much to give as a gift is quite mean

leona71

I never said £20 is too much or too little, i said it was fine.

To be honest if folk are flapping and fussing over money and stuff then they simply shouldn't go. Simple as that....

It is common courtesy to provide a gift for the bride and groom whether it's money or off a list.

I have found in the past people the grump like mad that they are 'skint' tend to smoke like mad or spend money on silly stupid things without even thinking what they are saying.....that's what i'm getting at!!

leona71

greenmoneysaver wrote: »

I think it isn't just the idea of money/gifts that is the issue now.
From reading the forums we are all invited and expected to go to weddings in far flung places, or at least travel and spend 1 night in a hotel!
If you are on any sort of budget then travel/hotel/clothes/food/drink and THEN an expensive gift sometimes feels a bit of a rip-off.
We have started refusing these offers and just sending a card and a gift, and are still friends with all of them!

Back to original point - I think £20 is fine for an evening invite - the suggestion of double the buffet price is a bit naff, Surely a wedding is to celebrate with people you like, not to make a profit?

You know this is certainly not about making a profit, how narrow minded is that! It's all about being respected. If i received a £5 hand made gift from the couple i would be over the moon as it's the thought that counts. I expect to receive the same common courtesy that i give others. To turn up empty handed is mean, to turn up with a bottle of wine is very acceptable. Where the hell is people's good spirit now a days!!

greenmoneysaver_2

Leona, I think you got me a little wrong. It was not said in mean spirit, but in response to another poster who had suggested that as away of measuring how much to give.

I am quite the opposite and wish to give a gift, but think that measuring it against what has been spent on you at a reception is rather distasteful! We give pretty much the same to everyone (including OH sister) which is £50 or gift equivalent of. I know that her wedding cost £20k+ and was one of the worst catered affairs I have been to - and yet my friends wedding cost £4k and was excellent. Should I give more to those with more money??

Interestingly, no-one is getting huffy over money, it does seem to be the way in which it is asked for, and especially if the person isn't that close to the bride or groom. Personally I have not been offended by requests for money for honeymoon or house deposit as I knew the couples well and that they were saving for everything like mad!

lil_lady_2

i went to a collegues wedding (evening) and they stated no gifts , but we all put £15 each into a card when it comes to work i think its best to do it all together...??