Guest dilemma - money instead of pressies...how much to give???

IWantToBeFree_2

Belease wrote: »

I'm going to ask for money, but I hope to do it in a way that makes people feel they're being more constructive, rather than throwing money in a big old empty pot. I'm going on honeymoon with it, so I'll be writing a list like this (but more elaborately done, this is just rough):

Buy us a cocktail : £3.95
Treat us to a fancy lunch: £60
Let us try some tasty local cuisine: £30

Etc etc etc. That way, I don't think you'd feel as confused about what is the 'right' amount to give. It can be really confusing.

She is a bit cheeky to be asking people for cash - I guess it's so easy to get carried away with everything though. Bridal forums are a bit difficult in that respect as they sort of give you permission to be a bit of a diva thanks to everyone else acting the same way - maybe she's been letting it go to her head!

I'd say £20 sounds right - I guess the bad thing about asking for cash is that it sort of makes it sound like you're covering the cost of your own attendance! Ask her how much the buffet is and double it! ;0)

Pot/Kettle?

rinroo

If it someone you work with i would not give more than £20. I think £20 is more than acceptable and being far from 'tight'.

I like the idea of a collection if a few of you from work have been invited.

mrscb

IWantToBeFree wrote: »

Pot/Kettle?

I agree.
However people may not want to pay for the honeymoon/holiday(i personally dont like that idea)
Also these days it seems to be we(bride/groom) paid for your food/drink etc therefore expect a gift for this which I feel is wrong.The point of a wedding for me is to celebrate the marriage with your nearest and dearest.People should be happy that their guests have made the effort and probably spent a lot already.
Me and OH attending a wedding in Summer and its going to cost us probably £1000 and need to arrange childcare for 3 days.We dont begrudge this but we could go abroad for a week for the same cost.
Its not about the gifts .......
Thats my opinion.

makeup-queen1

Hi

I got married last year and because my husband and I had lived together for about 5 years before we got married we didn't need any of the traditional things you might ask for, so we suggested to our guests that if they would like to get us something we would appreciate the money to put towards our honeymoon.

We didn't assume our guests would give us anything as we just appreciated them sharing our day with us. Most friends/colleagues gave anything from £10-£30 which we thought was very generous.

The bride seems to be a bit cheeky in suggesting that her guests are being tight. If it was me I would only give about £15-£20.

fluffyb

I was invited to an evening do last month and we gave £25 which I think is plenty IMHO

Belease

I meant to say, she's cheeky to be asking in person for people to give what she considers to be the right amount - sorry about that mistake. How weird of you to be so rude about it, though, ha ha! Guess it's exciting to gruff on t'internets, eh?

I don't see why people get so put out by wedding lists and asking for money for a honeymoon really. If you want to give a present surely you want to give someone something they like. I don't see the difference between donating money for a honeymoon and chipping in for knives and forks. At least if you give people an idea of what it is you will be buying it doesn't seem so impersonal. Saying people are tight and dropping hints just makes the whole thing a bit distasteful.

Threads like this are certainly food for thought for me, but at the end of the day, if someone is going to be offended about my wedding day then they kind of don't have much about them, and perhaps it was a mistake to invite them in the first place! Wedding gifts, lists etc are just a way of providing people a method of celebrating - it's just tradition in our culture to celebrate by giving gifts is all. Personally I think lists/suggestions for ways of doing this are generally thoughtful. I think it's the older generation who take offence in general, because this is a new thing and younger people might be more used to the idea or have more experience of it being done.

Money/gifts is certainly not to be expected of people and I know I won't be including info on this for quite a few of my guests, just where I think the information might be of use. I would definitely rather have 50p off someone who wanted me to have it with best wishes than £500 off someone who moaned about it behind my back and considered it a burden.

southernscouser

Just cellotape a pound coin to the inside of the card.

Job done.

Meenu

at Indian weddings we ALWAYS give money as opposed to presents.
From what you described £21 should be plenty, thats about the standard, for close relatives you would give £51. The £1 is considered lucky well actually its making it an odd number that is considered fortunate.:money:

joolesw1972

I agree with others, £20-25 is sufficient, if you prefer not to give money then buy a small gift, although if a few from work are going - a collection is a good idea.(I struggle with the whole idea of asking anyone for any gifts or money for our civil partnership I would honestly rather people came, shared our day & spent the money on travel/a hotel, if they want to give something, their time to help with preparations of a home made gift would be my ideal)

IWantToBeFree_2

Belease wrote: »

I meant to say, she's cheeky to be asking in person for people to give what she considers to be the right amount - sorry about that mistake. How weird of you to be so rude about it, though, ha ha! Guess it's exciting to gruff on t'internets, eh?

I don't see why people get so put out by wedding lists and asking for money for a honeymoon really. If you want to give a present surely you want to give someone something they like. I don't see the difference between donating money for a honeymoon and chipping in for knives and forks. At least if you give people an idea of what it is you will be buying it doesn't seem so impersonal. Saying people are tight and dropping hints just makes the whole thing a bit distasteful.

Threads like this are certainly food for thought for me, but at the end of the day, if someone is going to be offended about my wedding day then they kind of don't have much about them, and perhaps it was a mistake to invite them in the first place! Wedding gifts, lists etc are just a way of providing people a method of celebrating - it's just tradition in our culture to celebrate by giving gifts is all. Personally I think lists/suggestions for ways of doing this are generally thoughtful. I think it's the older generation who take offence in general, because this is a new thing and younger people might be more used to the idea or have more experience of it being done.

Money/gifts is certainly not to be expected of people and I know I won't be including info on this for quite a few of my guests, just where I think the information might be of use. I would definitely rather have 50p off someone who wanted me to have it with best wishes than £500 off someone who moaned about it behind my back and considered it a burden.

The OP never mentioned anything about the bride specifying how much she wanted guests to give her, just that there was a poem in the invites, not a poem saying we want £50 each... And either way, asking for cash is asking for cash whether you chose to put it in a poem, ask in person, or dress it up as a price list for a honeymoon. My opinion is that all of them are tacky and unecessary!

I would also rather not run the risk of offending anyone than state that if they are offended they maybe shouldn't be coming to my wedding, which is why I haven't done a list or asked for anything. I know there is a culture of gift giving, however, weddings are also expensive for the guests and I would rather them come with nothing than not come because they can't afford outfits, transport etc on top of a gift. 3 of my guests aren't coming because they cannot afford to, however, they have told my mum they would be buying me something, I would much rather they just come than give me anything.

There is too much pressure nowadays on people to give, too many invites that have lists, poems asking for cash etc.... When people read them (from speaking to quite a few people about it) they feel like they have to give rather than wanting to.

I prefer the old fashioned way of asking the parents/best man/bridesmaids etc, that way you can have a list if you like, but only those who are asked are pointed in the direction of it rather than just sending it out in invites, its all a bit crass.