Guest dilemma - money instead of pressies...how much to give???

Violetta_2

IWantToBeFree wrote: »

The OP never mentioned anything about the bride specifying how much she wanted guests to give her, just that there was a poem in the invites, not a poem saying we want £50 each... And either way, asking for cash is asking for cash whether you chose to put it in a poem, ask in person, or dress it up as a price list for a honeymoon. My opinion is that all of them are tacky and unecessary!

I prefer the old fashioned way of asking the parents/best man/bridesmaids etc,

Maybe not in those exact words but it is hinted that the bride doesn't think people are forking out enough cash for her

glitterjunkie wrote: »

Hey lovely weddings people! I didn't actually know there was a wedding forum on here until did a search - I will have to start contributing more


Anyway, with that rant over... me and OH have been invited to the evening do of someone from work next month, and there was a rhyme thing inside the invitation asking for money. My question really is just, how much do you think is right to give? I honestly have no clue how much is expected. If it was the daytime I'd probably give £50-£60 between us, but I'm not sure at all for the evening. It doesn't help that this particular bride keeps dropping hints at work about people being tight with her wedding money - it's all making me a bit uncomfortable to be honest, and I'm worrying far too much about it! I thought if I could get a better idea of what people think is the right amount to give, it might stop me worrying that we're giving too much/too little! Any thought appreciated x

I do hate how all this wedding gift brings out all the judgemental opinions , & I don't specifically mean you I wan't to be free, it is just a general thing that seems to happen.
Personally I think Southernscousers suggestion is 1 of the better ones

southernscouser wrote: »

Just cellotape a pound coin to the inside of the card.

Job done.

:rotfl::rotfl:

I know it's an open forum & this section is an especially friendly supportive 1 I do hate the nastiness "The Gift" question always seems to bring out.

mrscb

I dont think there has been any deliberate nastiness but its one of those things like politics and religion that always opens a can of worms..but everyone has their right to an opinion.
:beer:

Belease

I see what you're saying with the whole gift thing, but I reckon if you go through life trying not to offend anyone, you'll still offend people and end up not being able to get anything done to boot!

I just find it a bit sad people use this as a way of taking offence or taking the moral high ground about 'asking for presents' - you can view anything the wrong way if you look at it hard enough. No one would expect people to spend money they can't afford, so don't assume just because someone provides you with information you are obliged to do anything. I've seen people take offence at so many aspects of weddings -where they sit, when it's being thrown, where, who is being invited, what is being served, what the bride is wearing, what colour the decorations are, etc. So at the end of the day, I stand by 'if you're going to be offended, be offended and just don't come', because I can't begin to guess the strange things that are going to set people off. It would be easier to not have it at all to be honest! Obviously that's not an option, so my only other way of doing is to do it the way I and my finace want to do it, and hope no one gets upset. I can't work around what I imagine people are going to expect of me and my wedding. I also can't check in advance 'would you be offended if we had a BBQ instead of a sit down?', 'would you like me to send you a gift list?', 'would you get huffy if it's somewhere posh with expensive drinks rates?'.

Understand there is a difference between not being able to help it if people get offended, and actively wanting to offend people on purpose. No one's suggesting that, least of all me. I'm sure every bride, whether they have a wedding list or not, just wants people to come and be happy. It's not like charging admission!

In further response to the OP's question, I've been to a couple of evening only dos, and got gift lists in both times - to be honest I never really questioned it. Both times I ended up paying for pressies that cost about £25, so £20 seems about right.

I guess the reason I'm so confused about people taking offence to gift lists is because every wedding I've been to I've been given a gift list. It's just how it seems to be done.

I definitely think you would get a totally different response to these kinds of threads on a different forum. Obviously everyone here is out to look after their cash, so asking for money is a sort of faux pas! That's why I'm not particularly bothered - it's like asking a forum of boozy teens whether they think a dry wedding would go down well! :rotfl:

glitterjunkie

Thanks all for the replies and suggestions...about £20 seems to be what most people are saying, so I think I'll go with that Was just worrying about whether it was too much/not enough, as I honestly do not have a clue how much is the 'done' thing? I was thinking £10 originally, as that's how much I'd give for a birthday - but like I said, I didn't know how much would be expected. I think because me and OH are both going, £20 is about right.

I agree, it's a right can of worms this whole present/money business! Dreading our own gift list, as I really don't want to offend anyone My mum hates the idea of having a gift list at all, and doesn't want us to have one...but at the same time, you don't want to end up with the 6 toasters problem! I'd be so happy for people just to come to our wedding and not feel like they had to buy us anything - but like you say, there's always going to be people who do want to buy something, which is also appreciated! We will probably have only had our own house for about 6 months before the wedding, so we will genuinely be needing a lot of household stuff anyway - so household type pressies will be much appreciated for us But I can understand that if people have lived together for a long time, then money would be better for them, as they already have all the pots and pans and towels! I think it's a good idea from that point of view. It's just the whole hint-dropping thing, and being made to feel like you have to give a certain amount that made me a bit

Thanks all for putting my mind at rest!

glitterjunkie

Meenu - I really like the £21 idea actually, with the £1 being for luck - might do that! (and sellotape the extra £1 to the inside of the card )

Rachel - thanks hun, I like the idea of all chipping in with people from work too. We usually do that for birthdays etc. The thing with this wedding is a lot of people from work are going to the whole daytime do, wth their partners etc - so they will probably want to give separately. It's just a few of us who haven't been there as long who are just going to the evening do. I might see how some of them feel about a collection though, thanks for the idea!

Meenu

Glitterjunkie
1 billion Indians cant be wrong!! LOL
I have an uncle who collects scottish £1 notes to give at weddings apparently he's not alone at my sisters wedding we had 61 and my mum gave them to me- quids in!!!!!
On a serious note the gift is extra your coming and blessings count for much more and I mean that sincerely.

leona71

You know this.... people that quote 'I'd give £20 and they are lucky they are getting that' are very tight indeed! My god it's tradition to give gifts at a Wedding and I would be mortified to go to any Wedding without one!! Okay it's all about the marriage of the bride and groom but hey whomever is grudging buying a present should simply not come in my books! The bride and groom spend a fortune on entertainment/food etc etc for the guest, it's just common sense to provide a gift of thanks if anything. £20 - £30 for a night time guest seems right

freyasmum

leona71 wrote: »

You know this.... people that quote 'I'd give £20 and they are lucky they are getting that' are very tight indeed! My god it's tradition to give gifts at a Wedding and I would be mortified to go to any Wedding without one!! Okay it's all about the marriage of the bride and groom but hey whomever is grudging buying a present should simply not come in my books! The bride and groom spend a fortune on entertainment/food etc etc for the guest, it's just common sense to provide a gift of thanks if anything. £20 - £30 for a night time guest seems right

Whilst I see what you're saying, it's the bride and groom's choice to spend a fortune. A guest shouldn't be there just to pay for the whole thing.

Also, £20 for some people is a lot of money

JoolzS

I'd give them £10. If I could afford a lot more then I'd perhaps give them £100. The fact you are asking here on the MSE forum means you either like or need to save money. I'd go with £10.

For our wedding we wanted our friends and family to attend - that was all. We put a "no presents" comment in our invitation. For our reception we made it BOYB (we also told everyone that if they wanted to they could bring a bottle of lemonade, they just had to bring a bottle!) We got very few presents - a bit of money from people who obviously felt awkward about not giving a present (we didn't return it) and a couple of presents which I don't remember (except a picture frame from my MIL).

I don't think I could attend a wedding where the couple asked for money - I would just feel too uncomfortable.

Julie

leona71

Come on.... what's the difference between asking for money and asking to bring a bottle, it's STILL asking for something in my books! So you can't get round that one... That's like saying 'hey come to my Wedding but you have to pay for your own toast drink'.

I would never ask for money but that's just me, I have issued a Wedding gift list because i really don't want duplicates. It's just the 'done' thing now to produce a gift list, why on earth would it be so popular on John Lewis.