Guest dilemma - money instead of pressies...how much to give???

leona71

freyasmum wrote: »

Whilst I see what you're saying, it's the bride and groom's choice to spend a fortune. A guest shouldn't be there just to pay for the whole thing.

Also, £20 for some people is a lot of money

Yeah I tend to find £20 is usually a lot of money for people whom smoke, drink or gamble.

*Louise*

leona71 wrote: »

Yeah I tend to find £20 is usually a lot of money for people whom smoke, drink or gamble.

Owch

I guess it also a lot of money for low income families who have children to feed....

gill_81uk

Some friends who came to my evening do didn't print gifts and I didn't expect them to. They spent enough money on taxi fares and drinks and I was just pleased that they could go and celebrate the day.

We got as much as £40 from some of the other evening guests which I was actually quite mortified by as I would never have expected that much from someone only invited to the night time do.

Bunnyhop

glitterjunkie wrote: »

Dreading our own gift list, as I really don't want to offend anyone

Ugh me too! I never realised how offended people get by everything!

I was chatting to my Dad the other day about the guest list and was wanting to invite my cousins (even though I've not seen them in a while, I just think it would be nice if they were invited even if they can't or don't want to come but they are family so I want to invite them) as well as my godmother who lives a way away and I doubt will come and he said he wasn't sure if I should invite people like that as they might think I was just inviting them to get a present.

Would people really think that? I am pretty saddened at the idea that people I want to invite would think I was doing it just to get a present

freyasmum

leona71 wrote: »

Yeah I tend to find £20 is usually a lot of money for people whom smoke, drink or gamble.

Like louise said, it's also a lot of money for some hard-working families.

And, to be perfectly honest, if someone wants to smoke, drink or gamble with their own, hard-earned money then that's up to them. Why on earth should they give up their lifestyle just to go to a wedding?! That's insane.

The whole thing has gotten really out of hand now-a-days what with people trying to out-do each other, and having bigger and fancier weddings that they can't really afford (money that, in years gone by, would've been used to buy a house/car or something useful), it's all just for show. If they can afford it, fine, hope they have a lovely day, but to say outright to a guest that "people are being really stingy with my wedding money"?! That's pure and utter greed.

The bride and groom shouldn't be expecting their guests to subsidise the [STRIKE]wedding[/STRIKE] party. Obviously the majority of guests will bring a present, but to spend on the premise that every couple will give you x amount is crazy.

cbrown372

Belease wrote: »

I'm going to ask for money, but I hope to do it in a way that makes people feel they're being more constructive, rather than throwing money in a big old empty pot. I'm going on honeymoon with it, so I'll be writing a list like this (but more elaborately done, this is just rough):

Buy us a cocktail : £3.95
Treat us to a fancy lunch: £60
Let us try some tasty local cuisine: £30

Etc etc etc. That way, I don't think you'd feel as confused about what is the 'right' amount to give. It can be really confusing.

She is a bit cheeky to be asking people for cash - I guess it's so easy to get carried away with everything though. Bridal forums are a bit difficult in that respect as they sort of give you permission to be a bit of a diva thanks to everyone else acting the same way - maybe she's been letting it go to her head!

I'd say £20 sounds right - I guess the bad thing about asking for cash is that it sort of makes it sound like you're covering the cost of your own attendance! Ask her how much the buffet is and double it! ;0)

Sounds pretty tacky to me, I'd give you pound and suggest you buy a lemonade with it and I'd refuse the invitation.

tessie_bear

we had the most vile invitation from a bloke my husband works with...it had a verse on one side asking for money for a honeymoon...out of invite fell a bit of paper telling us the name of the thompson account to pay into...after id read these 2 i saw on the other side what we had been invited too...we declined this wonderful opportunity to buy people we dont know a nice holiday

Belease

cbrown372 wrote: »

Sounds pretty tacky to me, I'd give you pound and suggest you buy a lemonade with it and I'd refuse the invitation.

Needless to say, you wouldn't have been invited to begin with. (And I'd return your pound and instruct you to go and enjoy yourself with it, you sound a bit uptight!)

It's pretty tacky to get morally outraged by a suggestion, but obviously that never stopped anyone!

MsChazzer

gill_81uk wrote: »

We got as much as £40 from some of the other evening guests which I was actually quite mortified by as I would never have expected that much from someone only invited to the night time do.

Same here, and from people we don't see that regularly, I hope they didn't spend that much because they thought it was the done thing. We had a gift list that people could use if they want to, and we also made it clear that it was their company we wanted, not gifts, we got married on a particularly expensive weekend in Edinburgh (rugby cup final) so travel and accommodation cost more than normal.

Some people didn't give gifts (day and evening guests) and that's absolutely fine, they came to share our day with us and we all had a lot of fun. Some people made things or just gave a token gift, equally fine. I would much rather have people come to the wedding minus a gift than not come at all because the cost of a gift was the breaking point.

ncv2

Belease wrote: »

I'm going to ask for money, but I hope to do it in a way that makes people feel they're being more constructive, rather than throwing money in a big old empty pot. I'm going on honeymoon with it, so I'll be writing a list like this (but more elaborately done, this is just rough):

Buy us a cocktail : £3.95
Treat us to a fancy lunch: £60
Let us try some tasty local cuisine: £30

Etc etc etc. That way, I don't think you'd feel as confused about what is the 'right' amount to give. It can be really confusing.

She is a bit cheeky to be asking people for cash - I guess it's so easy to get carried away with everything though. Bridal forums are a bit difficult in that respect as they sort of give you permission to be a bit of a diva thanks to everyone else acting the same way - maybe she's been letting it go to her head!

I'd say £20 sounds right - I guess the bad thing about asking for cash is that it sort of makes it sound like you're covering the cost of your own attendance! Ask her how much the buffet is and double it! ;0)

I am going to be blunt so people do not talk about you behind your back or on a forum like the original poster. A poem does not make asking for money any more polite. The best way to ask for money would be letting your family and close friends know, so when someone says what should I get for the couple. Fam/ friends can answer something like they would really like to have a fab honeymoon and would like cash.
As you can see from these posts asking for money really rubs people the wrong way. Asking for presents of any kind should never be printed on the invite anyway.