Scared, depressed and skint

Bogof_Babe

So what exactly did the OP want advice on?

Oldernotwiser

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

So what exactly did the OP want advice on?

I don't know, there wasn't really a question in her post.

Bogof_Babe

baza52 wrote: »

when you nursed your father through his illness did you tell him to snap out of it and pull himself together?
did you tell him he should not have let himself get soo ill?
did you say that other people with a similar lifestyle to him havent got the illness and he should perhaps borrow a dog to walk to get some fresh air?

He was 88 and had leukaemia. Even that is treatable to a certain extent - he prolonged his life by about a year by taking his chemo tablets and having blood transfusions. I acknowledge that the body is not designed to last indefinitely, but I still can't get my head around people giving up on ever getting cured from something that must make them bl00dy miserable.

How do you find the mental capacity to write these posts, if you are too ill to consider making any other sort of effort?

I didn't think I was "digging" (a hole for myself, presumably), I was under the impression that we were airing our views.

Bogof_Babe

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I don't know, there wasn't really a question in her post.

Exactly! I rest my case.

bestpud

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I will concede that I have no experience of long-term depression, and that I have no medical knowledge. My post was simply my thoughts on the subject, gleaned from a little personal knowledge of friends who have responded well to anti-depressants (and knowing of none who haven't).

I have had plenty to be depressed about during my 57 years, including a stressful job, a marriage separation (thankfully temporary), and nursing my father through a horrible last illness, but by following my own advice I have not let myself become a martyr to it.

It's a pity that sufferers become so defensive when any attempt is made to suggest things that might help, but perhaps defensiveness goes with the condition.

By posting on this site people open themselves up to comments, some of which they might not appreciate. I have just re-read the original post, and it doesn't seem to be asking for any specific advice as such, so it does seem to invite general replies.

Depression often has no known cause tbh. I can get depressed and more often than not it seems unrelated to external events.

I do see your point but as I said, I'm on the fence really, as I can see both sides and think the answer is somewhere in the middle.

I think defensive responses are common from people claiming disability benefits, whether for physical or psychological illness - kind of goes with the territory.

bestpud

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Well, I do have experience of suffering from depression, although I certainly don't have all the answers, either for myself or anyone else.

However, I do think that if someone has been out of the workplace for many years as a way of coping with the depression and if that way of dealing with things hasn't worked, then maybe it's worthwhile trying another tack, in other words perhaps one might be better off trying to work again.

If being off work was actually working as a way of improving things then surely one would be less depressed IYSWIM?

I see your point too, but have to point out depression and anxiety (when at the level of panic attacks) are very different animals, and I'd choose depression any day, having had experience of both.

qwertyuiop12345

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

It's a pity that sufferers become so defensive when any attempt is made to suggest things that might help, but perhaps defensiveness goes with the condition.

I think being defensive and a bit touchy about suggestions is something that goes with almost any chronic illness.

People with serious chronic illness often struggle each and every day to make their life as bareable as possible. This can seem like a very stressful battle that they can never take a break from.

Often suggestions, intended to be helpful, can seem like cruel insults when everyday can be a struggle and the person knows they are doing the best that they can.

Bogof_Babe

So, other than sympathy, what would have been an appropriate response to the OP? Clearly giving advice or suggestions didn't go down too well.

qwertyuiop12345

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

So, other than sympathy, what would have been an appropriate response to the OP? Clearly giving advice or suggestions didn't go down too well.

When a poster is clearly in a bad state or feeling very down about their situation and they haven't actually asked a specific question, then in my opinion sympathy/empathy/good wishes etc. is the only appropriate response.

You aren't obliged to answer every thread

bestpud

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

So, other than sympathy, what would have been an appropriate response to the OP? Clearly giving advice or suggestions didn't go down too well.

Now there's a question and a half! :rotfl:

FWIW, I don't think there is any harm in suggesting someone seek help, or thinks about work they may be able to do.

But I do not think welshmoneylover was intending to be helpful with their reply tbh.