Can I evict my Mum?

YorkiePud_3

lesley1960 wrote: »

Inheritance is something that is willed to you after death , it isnt a right . The OP's mother could have sold up and spent every penny on herself ( which tbh she shuld have done )

Not always ... I know a number of people whose parents have given them their inheritance whilst they are still alive ... not for any tax benefits but because they've said they want to see their children enjoy it!

What should have, could have, might have is not what HAS happened ... everyone seems to have judged and sentenced the OP accordingly but at the end of the day, he knows what the situation was with this money. If it was his inheritance and because his Mother had already helped his sister financially, then his only thought need be for the violent person under his roof who may just lash out at one of his children.

Just because he is related to her doesn't give her any right to use physical aggression.

Does it really matter if the children are adopted or his own by birth? Nobody wants children around a person who has shown she is liable to go off like that and use physical violence.

Surely that is an important part of all this, too?

Wickedkitten

ceridwen wrote: »

I DO understand that it must be EXTREMELY upsetting to face the prospect of having to give back money that one believed one owned - but that is always a risk in the circumstances of buying a house jointly with someone else unfortunately. Mum was after all only gifting the money early on the understanding that she would be living there too - so, if that understanding is broken, and she is forced to live elsewhere - then its far from a "done deal" to assume the law would be on OP's side (as Mum could/would state that she hadnt got what she paid for and the "deal" hadnt been honoured by O.P.)

..not forgetting what "mincemeat" a sympathetic journalist would make of this story if it got into the newspapers. Mum may not put it there herself - but Sister might....or an outraged friend of Mum's.

What, a sympathetic journalist that would completely overlook the fact that

1. His mother is not a joint owner of the house

2. They have been living together with no problems for 10 months before her behaviour changed which culminated in her assaulting his wife. I'm sure if we actually got his wife in here, she would probably say that it's been a hell of a lot longer than 10 weeks and thats just when he started noticing it.

At the end of the day legally, his mother gifted him with the money for the house, she isn't on the deeds, and has signed away any interest in the house.

It doesn't matter if the money was gifted on a condition because I'm sure they didn't go down the legal route and have an agreement drawn up stating this and even if it was verbal, she would still have to prove it.

It's a horrible situation to be sure, but she is the one that has made it that way.

JanCee

Ian-K wrote: »

Horrible and emotive situation here with any advice welcome.

We went into this with the best of intentions, being honest with everything and keeping her informed about everything (she is in full control of all her faculties) but she says she is now being cheated.


Mum's name is not on the deeds and she has signed a document on behalf of the bank stating she has no interest in the property.

It's just an awful mess but we need to sort it quickly. Any advice? Please!

That's because she is being cheated on by you. You have taken £174,000 from her and paid for a property which you could not otherwise have afforded. She has been there for a year and you are trying to evict her and keep her money.

I hope that she and your sister get themselves a good solicitor.

Ask yourself this OP, if it had been your sister who had done this what would your reaction have been? Would you have decided that she had acted with the best of intentions and your mother had gone into it with her eyes open, or would you think that an old lady had been defrauded by her own child?

[Deleted User]

I'm not a lawyer - although I did study law - but I think the situation is legally more complicated than others are making out here and it might be worth you getting professional advice.

If she has paid in a substantial sum towards the house then you may find that legally she has an equitable interest in the property and can't simply be 'evicted'. You don't need to be on the deeds - the point is she's paid money towards the property and the courts may find a trust there even if there's nothing on paper.

lesley1960

YorkiePud wrote: »

Not always ... I know a number of people whose parents have given them their inheritance whilst they are still alive ... not for any tax benefits but because they've said they want to see their children enjoy it!

What should have, could have, might have is not what HAS happened ... everyone seems to have judged and sentenced the OP accordingly but at the end of the day, he knows what the situation was with this money. If it was his inheritance and because his Mother had already helped his sister financially, then his only thought need be for the violent person under his roof who may just lash out at one of his children.

Just because he is related to her doesn't give her any right to use physical aggression.

Does it really matter if the children are adopted or his own by birth? Nobody wants children around a person who has shown she is liable to go off like that and use physical violence.

Surely that is an important part of all this, too?

But she didnt gift the money so he could enjoy it , she gave him money so they could buy a joint home together , its entrirely different .
We only have his word re the physical aggression , but i dont think its unusual for families to fall out in situations such as these . The only thing to do is to sell the house , and the proceeds to be split accordingly , ie his mother have to bear her part of the costs ans losses in the property market . However i am curious as to how his mother ''spent'' £64k in the first year?

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Are you on speaking terms with your mother? If not you will need to employ a Mediator, Age Concern seems like a good idea, this will give both you and your mother a chance to air your views.

Is your mother demanding her money back? Ask her outright what she wishes to do on this matter, at least you'll both know where you stand.

In the initial stages you said she was advised about her rights before handing over the money. Is it possible to have another discussion with the person who advised her?

Personally, for long term family relations your mother mustn't be made to feel as if, now that you've got her money, you're railroading her out of the house.

You may not be able to borrow the full amount to pay her back. So as previously suggested, is there a way of building a Granny Annex.

Lastly, you say that your sister fell out with your mother, was this also about money? This may highlight that your mother is using her money to beat her children over the head with (just a thought!)

It would be no bad thing if she spent a couple of days/ weeks with your sister. Make it absolutely clear that you will come and collect her when she is ready to return. This will give everyone time of calm down.

There will be no winners or losers in this situationm compromise will be the order of the day.

Good Luck

AMD

Wickedkitten

Actually to the OP, did she consult a solicitor when she did sign the deed of consent? They should have made her fully aware of the legal implications of signing the document if she had that much money tied up in the purchase.

It's seems like she was fine cutting her losses until your sister put it in her head to get the money back, maybe your sister is planning on having her move in with her.

Belinda_W

First of all you all talk age concern yet she may only be in her 40's(late) hardly old and secondly

Shame on you Ian-K!!! it sounds like your mum is a descent lady so much so she trusted you, she didnt feel the need to make a paper claim, because the last thing she thought was that this would ever happen and you would do the dirty on her.

The violent part "was you mum violent to you abused you??? if that was the case then you would of had to tell this to SS because it is not just you they want to know about it is your childhood and if your mum was violent (lephord never changes it spots) then you would have lied to the SS and those children should not be with you.

IF on the other hand your this seems out of your mums character which is what I think otherwise due to the long process adoption takes if you had any worries you would not have 1. taken your mums money and 2. invited her to live with you.

Yes when you walked in you witnessed youre mum slapping your wife accross the face. WHAT IF you had walked in minutes earlier could you have been witnessing a different scenario ie your wife pulling the first blow????? after all one minute life is sereal then you have three children 5 and under insecure frighted probably instictive mechanism kicking in therefore being difficult (they may want their true mum, you only have ss saying she was bad and with all the recent publicity ie Local authorities going for "we get more money the more children we get adopted out, I bet no one can begin to imagine how affraid and therefore those children must feel and therefore react.

Youy have a wife who goes from no children(i persume) to 3 under 6 and vunerable. Have you thought of the possibity that your wife may have lost the plot and laid the first blow????

She obviously brought you up ok (apart from your obvious greed and lack of compasion) have you thought how upset she may feel ??

YOu need to all sit down call a truce and talk say how you feel. Maybe take a little advice about child rearing from your mum after all if SS think you are OK then thats good credit for your mum.

I expect she is really hurt and doesnt want to go anywhere and be alone, she probably saw this as an opertunity to watch to help (ie her own experience) you need a kick up the !!! mate.

my mum is in her final stages with only days or weeks to go she brought us up did her best and I will miss her so much.

I think you know deep down whether she TRUELY struck the first blow.

As for the money it is not £110k but the original £174,000 and think to yourself if it was not for you mums financial input would you have this lovely house after all where you were before maybe it was not big enough for 3 children only you know.

As far as her rights. My husband was the only one on the deeds and when he left and I went to my brief he had put on the deeds a right to habitation and the said property and so it staked a claim which eventually his name was completely removed from the deeds and mine put on so becareful as it sounds like maybe you do not own that much at all!!!

TALK TO YOUR MUM SHE WILL BE PROUD AND WHY NOT YOU ARE THE CHILD AFTER ALL WORK THIS OUT AT THE END OF THE DAY THINK OF THOSE POOR CHILDREN AND IF YOU DONT THINK THEY KNOW WHATS GOING ON THEN YOU ARE WRONG. SO!!!!!!!! FOR TRHE SAKE OF THE KIDS NEW PARENTS NEW GRANDMA SOT DOWN DONT LEAVE THE TABLE TILL YOU THREE WORK IT OUT NOT FOR YOUR INDIVIDUAL MEANS BUT FOR THOSE 3 LITTLE PEOPLE (GROW UP!!!)

poet123

Tbh none of us knows the full situation here, or both sides of the scenario. Seems a little unfair to judge the OP so harshly, until the full facts are known. There will be fault on both sides, rather than aportion blame, suggestions of how the OP can get himself and his family out of this situation are needed, and how he can give his mother her money back to get her back into her former situation.

amersall

Ian-K wrote: »

Sorry that I am not coming over well and I can see that you are only seeing my side of the story. To answer a few questions;

* We cannot sell due to the placed children and they cannot be moved.
* We are looking to see about a mortgage extension to pay her off.
* Hector-the-Inspector, they weren't adopted into our unstable home, this issue has come about since then. If you have any idea about the demeaning and gruelling process you go through for adoption, you must know that if there was a whif of instability they wouldn't have been placed, period.
* She was offered full advice prior to doing anything and stated several times that she was happy with everything. She didn't want a legal (deeds etc) stake in the house as she had (at that time) no relationship with my sister and had previously given a lot of financial support to her and nothing to me. She felt that when she passed away she didn't want my sister trying to grab effectively a chunk of what she had given to us as she wanted it to be "fair".
* She stated herself that she wanted to move out and get a flat herself with a housing association.
* We have looked at private rental flats with a view to funding rent (both ourselves and the council) and they have been ideal properties (wardens, lifts, private parking, private gardens) but they have all been refused. She wants to wait out for a council flat and that could take a while.
* End of the day she has attacked my wife. She told my sister my wife attacked her but I walked in on it and saw Mum hit out at my wife as she tried to restrain her. The risk that will be seen is that she could lash out at the children. We honestly tried to do the best for her (she was very depressed at her last place and never dared venture outdoors due to a dispute with her neighbours) and she was going downhill. After she told my sister that my wife went for her, my sister rang the police.

Appreciate what has been said about not coming over well here and I can see it's easy to look as if it's a cynical manipulation to get money off a pensioner. However, it wasn't and we did everything with the best of intentions and genuine intentions, no matter how many doubt that. As I said at the start, I do not want to see her dumped with nothing.

i would give her back the 110,000, i wouldnt have taken it in the first place, not many people could live with their mother, i am suprised you agreed to it, and now you find yourselves in this position, she helped you buy a house and this is the thanks you give her, most people dont get on with in laws and i am surprised your wife agreed to this, i know i sound harsh but thats what i think