Can I evict my Mum?

Ian-K_2

Horrible and emotive situation here with any advice welcome.

Just over a year ago Mum sells and moves in with us. She wasn't happy where she was (Dad died in '02) and she had not spoken to my sister in 2 years. We were looking to move ourselves and move further away. We were also in process of adopting 3 children.

She moved in with us in May '08 and we all moved to where we are now in Oct '08, with children finally arriving in March '09. About a month after children arrive she starts to change in attitude, getting a bit grumpy and withdrawn before starting to blow up with us, telling us about correct parenting and all that we have been advised by social services is wrong and that boundaries are not needed and that discipline should be relaxed (children are 5, 4 and 2). A lot of the time she would express her opinions to us in front of the children which is a bit fatal!

Things have steadily deteriorated over the last 10 weeks and today she actually assaulted my wife, hitting her across the face. I walked in on this alerted by her swearing at my wife loudly (children were around) and split them up. She then rang my sister (strangely they are talking now) and she rang the police who turned up on the doorstep and interviewed us all. Fortunately the children were in bed as their previous background saw a lot of the police in a negative light. No charges being pressed but we are at the end of our tether.

We went into this with the best of intentions, being honest with everything and keeping her informed about everything (she is in full control of all her faculties) but she says she is now being cheated.

We feel that we need to move her out. She said a few weeks ago that she wanted to leave and did not want any money out as she went in with her eyes open and it's her choice. Now, with my sister involved she's gone to solicitors and wants money. We cannot sell, it's not the climate and we don't actually want to, plus the children are settled and social services wouldn't look kindly on them being uprooted so soon. In one respect I can see her point and don't want her dumped with nothing but on the other hand I have to put wife & new family first. We took some advice and we know that the sale of the house cannot be forced but need to know if there is a legal way we can have her leave, as she's determined to "sit it out" until a housing association finds her accommodation. We have found 3 properties and guaranteed council funding but she's refusing to consider anything, even cancelling viewings we arrange.

Mum's name is not on the deeds and she has signed a document on behalf of the bank stating she has no interest in the property.

It's just an awful mess but we need to sort it quickly. Any advice? Please!

poppysarah

Ian-K wrote: »

We took some advice and we know that the sale of the house cannot be forced but need to know if there is a legal way we can have her leave, as she's determined to "sit it out" until a housing association finds her accommodation. We have found 3 properties and guaranteed council funding but she's refusing to consider anything, even cancelling viewings we arrange.

Mum's name is not on the deeds and she has signed a document on behalf of the bank stating she has no interest in the property.

It's just an awful mess but we need to sort it quickly. Any advice? Please!

Legally she would have to explain why she thinks she has a claim on any monies because she's signed it away.

how much are you talking about? Is there a mortgage on the property you live in now? Could you extend it?

It's all a very nasty mess but she shouldn't be living with you if she's violent towards any member of your household.

Tough one.

Would impartial mediation help?

I think she's oversteped any chance of that once she's hit someone - but you might be prepared to forgive and forget and try to move on in a positive way. If she didn't interfere with the upbringing up the children would you want her to stay?

poppy10_2

She's got no right to live in your property. You don't need to go through a formal eviction process, just kick her out and change the locks. She can get emergency housing from the council.

Ian-K_2

Thank you, poppysarah.

She "put in" about £174K, after her sale, but has lived cost free for over a year with no bills or sharing anything, including her own legal bills and ours, storage and stamp duty at new place etc. Basically we have paid for everything so calculating her share of bills and everything including utilities, council tax, food, mortgage and tieing up all her loose ends over the last year, she's probably put £110K into the house we are in now.

We could try to extend the mortgage but may stretch ourselves and need to be very careful with that as regards having the children now.

I doubt mediation will work as she flatly refuses to talk about anything and refuses to accept any responsibility, plus she has been adamant for a while that she wants to be away. We know she cannot force the sale, so we are hoping we can legally force her out especially with the children and their placement being at risk.

Blackpool_Saver

Good lord, what a nightmare, can you afford to pay her off or a monthly payment to her?

Marg

Sorry to read of your troubles, a very complicated situation for you all.

I'm not sure I can offer any practical help but it seems as if your Mum's nose has been put out of joint by the arrival of 'competition' for your attention in the shape of the children and she can't cope. Does she really want to move out or is she being so difficult in the hopes that the children will go?

I tend to extending your mortgage whatever the cost & pay Mum off even if you can't do it all at once, might there be scope for her accepting instalments? She surely can't bury her head in the sand/refuse to discuss with regards to the future after the way she behaved today.

A couple of things - why did your sister call the police if it was your mum who assaulted your wife? Do you get on well with your sister, could she help by having your Mum stay with her for a while? Could you make a separate area of the house for your Mum like a bedsit? I can see you can't jeopardise your new family but I wonder if there's a social worker for the children that could intervene to accelerate your Mums move out?

Hector-The-Inspector_2

She "put in" about £174K, after her sale, but has lived cost free for over a year with no bills or sharing anything, including her own legal bills and ours, storage and stamp duty at new place etc. Basically we have paid for everything so calculating her share of bills and everything including utilities, council tax, food, mortgage and tieing up all her loose ends over the last year, she's probably put £110K into the house we are in now.

Hmmm, that was a quick £64,000 spent :rolleyes:


Not one, but three little kids are adopted to your unstable home. This is worrying.

macman

I don't understand how you say she has 'put in' this money to the house, but she has no share of ownership.
If she has loaned you money to buy the house but not got any written or legal agreement, then she has been incredibly foolish. She has no rights of occupation as an owner, and presumably no tenancy agreement. Therefore you can ask her to leave whenever you like and you can have her removed if she won't. I'm not suggesting this is the wisest or fairest course of action, but legally she doesn't have any security of tenure.
The onus would be on her to go to court to prove that it was agreed that in return for her investment you agreed to let her share the house.

JoJoB

She has been foolish, yes, but does that mean it's ok for her son to effectively steal her money?

By all means kick her out if her behaviour is so bad but you know perfectly well that £110k is her money and the loan was predicated on her living with you. I realise it is inconvenient for you to have to move or stretch yourself financially to do the right thing and give the money back - but that is precisely why you are deliberating over what to do - because the right thing is the more difficult option.

If you don't pay her back you will be fine legally. But morally you will have stolen £110k from your mum and you know it. And you will feel guilty about it too. It all boils down to whether you want to ride the guilt, take the money and run, never having a relationship with your mother again. Or move to a cheaper house that you can pay for yourself with a clear conscience.

vegasbaby100

You may want to look through the forum as there is a thread from your mums point of view where the story is a little different!

You need to make the decision just because it is legal it doesn't make it right!!!
Ask yourself would you sleep with your cousin? its legal but it is not right!

ceridwen

JoJoB wrote: »

She has been foolish, yes, but does that mean it's ok for her son to effectively steal her money?

By all means kick her out if her behaviour is so bad but you know perfectly well that £110k is her money and the loan was predicated on her living with you. I realise it is inconvenient for you to have to move or stretch yourself financially to do the right thing and give the money back - but that is precisely why you are deliberating over what to do - because the right thing is the more difficult option.

If you don't pay her back you will be fine legally. But morally you will have stolen £110k from your mum and you know it. And you will feel guilty about it too. It all boils down to whether you want to ride the guilt, take the money and run, never having a relationship with your mother again. Or move to a cheaper house that you can pay for yourself with a clear conscience.

I quite agree with JoJoB on this....:T

We are all after all only reading "your side" of this. We have no access to hearing what "her side" of this is. But - it seems like she jointly owns this house. Whatever the legal position is is totally irrelevant - she has put her money into this house and lives there herself - therefore she is joint owner whether you like it or no.

Facts are sometimes inconvenient things - it hasnt worked out and you have to find some way somehow to hand her her money back and she can then move out. Obviously shes not going to go till then - no-one with a scrap of sense would. Why should she move to a Housing Association place when she has enough house equity to keep on owning a place of her own?

You are NOT coming over very well here.....from the information we have so far I'm on your mothers side here and I would be "digging my heels in" and refusing to budge unless and until I got my money back if I was her. I'm sorry to tell you that if I were your mother - then the only way the situation would "move on" would be once I had the cheque for my money back from you safely cashed and in the bank.

Sorry - I know its not what you want to hear and I do understand your frustrations - BUT her money is her money and she is entitled to have it back.