Being Totally Honest...

Broken_hearted

What drives me mad are the people who gleefully post well they havn't caught up with me in 6 years so they can go jump, I don't have to pay them anymore. It makes me wonder why I bother.
Also those who say I've declaired bankrupt how dare the companies still try to chase me. At the end of the day the busnisses always get their money back they just do it by charging their other customers more and we all loose. Sorry buts thats just the way I feel.

southernscouser

Hey I'm an idiot and I know it!

Wasn't just clothes with me though! Cars, holidays, computers! :doh: :rotfl:

kathfisch

I don't judge what people have spent their money on in getting themselves into debt, I think the purpose of this forum is to be suportive and not judgemental because that doesn't really help anyone.

I do sometimes wonder how people manage to get into huge amounts of debt without doing something about it, I wonder how they can bury their head for so long, but thats not the same as judging them and thinking they are a bad person because of it.

By its very nature getting into debt is spending more than you earn but thats not to say its reckless, I don't consider myself to be in a position to judge or assume what anyone else's situation is. If I was over my overdraft, maxed out my credit cards and had no cash I'd also use a storecard to buy clothes for my kids (for example). How can we know someone's situation and thereby judge them?

An aspect that seems to me to be often overlooked is the emotional side of things. I'm not suggesting that anyone be absolved of responsability because of emotional issues in their lives but they do have an impact on spending, as so many on here will say. It is easy, then, to look down on people who have overspent in what you consider to be a reckless way but there may be any number of things going on for them at the same time that have a bearing on their spending and judgement.

It cannot be fair or constructive to look down on others and judge their situation based on the few details that most of us really know about each other's lives. Surely a mutually supportive environment in which people are not ashamed to admit to their debt is the best way to help them to deal with it.

If you find any of that harsh, you asked for an honest opinion!

southernscouser

kathfisch wrote:

I don't judge what people have spent their money on in getting themselves into debt, I think the purpose of this forum is to be suportive and not judgemental because that doesn't really help anyone.

I do sometimes wonder how people manage to get into huge amounts of debt without doing something about it, I wonder how they can bury their head for so long, but thats not the same as judging them and thinking they are a bad person because of it.

By its very nature getting into debt is spending more than you earn but thats not to say its reckless, I don't consider myself to be in a position to judge or assume what anyone else's situation is. If I was over my overdraft, maxed out my credit cards and had no cash I'd also use a storecard to buy clothes for my kids (for example). How can we know someone's situation and thereby judge them?

An aspect that seems to me to be often overlooked is the emotional side of things. I'm not suggesting that anyone be absolved of responsability because of emotional issues in their lives but they do have an impact on spending, as so many on here will say. It is easy, then, to look down on people who have overspent in what you consider to be a reckless way but there may be any number of things going on for them at the same time that have a bearing on their spending and judgement.

It cannot be fair or constructive to look down on others and judge their situation based on the few details that most of us really know about each other's lives. Surely a mutually supportive environment in which people are not ashamed to admit to their debt is the best way to help them to deal with it.

If you find any of that harsh, you asked for an honest opinion!

Remind me never to pi$$ you off! :rotfl:

roversbabe

TBH, the fact that we're here on DFW is the main thing, not how we got into debt in the first place. To me, DFW is for us to help each other out of it and not judge how we got into debt in the first place.

SS, my reason for debt is partially stupidity too! I've learned my lesson (I hope)

rb x

kathfisch

southernscouser wrote:

Remind me never to pi$$ you off! :rotfl:

He he, I did get a bit fierce there didn't I! :rotfl:

When someone calls a thread "being totally honest" that's what they get :rotfl:

MrsTinks

Am I judgemental? Yes
Do i have any right to be? Nope
Will that mean I am less judgemental? Nope because I am human!
Will it stop me ever trying to help anyone? Nope because that is who I am

I got into debt initially due to a rather ***** ex. Once I was in then it became so much easier to extend that overdraft... Does that make me more or less responsible, right, morally intact etc than anyone else? Not really...

I have more symapthy for those who say "Help I'm in trouble and I can't get out and I need any help you can give and I will do as you suggest because I know I have no choice" than i do those who go "ah well... yes... Sky? Oh not! That isn't a luxury and nor is my Kappa caps and gucci shoes...." *sigh*

I'm not perfect or I wouldn't be here, but I try to be honest and do my best to clean up the mess I am in and I will support anyone willing to do the same. If someone won't give up Sky (just an example!) then I'm sorry but I tend to not want to answer that thread... Show willing and I will do my utmost to help people

southernscouser

tine wrote:

I'm not perfect or I wouldn't be here

I'm here and I'm perfect!

I'm just an idiot aswell! :rolleyes:

OK, we'll compromise! I'm a perfect idiot!

:rotfl:

roversbabe

kathfisch wrote:

I don't judge what people have spent their money on in getting themselves into debt, I think the purpose of this forum is to be suportive and not judgemental because that doesn't really help anyone.

I do sometimes wonder how people manage to get into huge amounts of debt without doing something about it, I wonder how they can bury their head for so long, but thats not the same as judging them and thinking they are a bad person because of it.

By its very nature getting into debt is spending more than you earn but thats not to say its reckless, I don't consider myself to be in a position to judge or assume what anyone else's situation is. If I was over my overdraft, maxed out my credit cards and had no cash I'd also use a storecard to buy clothes for my kids (for example). How can we know someone's situation and thereby judge them?

An aspect that seems to me to be often overlooked is the emotional side of things. I'm not suggesting that anyone be absolved of responsability because of emotional issues in their lives but they do have an impact on spending, as so many on here will say. It is easy, then, to look down on people who have overspent in what you consider to be a reckless way but there may be any number of things going on for them at the same time that have a bearing on their spending and judgement.

It cannot be fair or constructive to look down on others and judge their situation based on the few details that most of us really know about each other's lives. Surely a mutually supportive environment in which people are not ashamed to admit to their debt is the best way to help them to deal with it.

If you find any of that harsh, you asked for an honest opinion!

Great points - I can definitely agree on the emotional aspects of both getting into debt and getting out of it too. I made mistakes in getting into debt, but there was an aspect of wanting to be admired / respected / feel good about myself and spending on clothes / shoes / make up / techie goodies did lift my mood for a short while.

Dealing with the emotional attachment to spending wasn't easy but it has become easier as time has gone on. Also facing the debt was emotional and hard (up there with stepping on the scales ) but the sense of achievement by clearing 4k of debt is far better than the short lived glee that I got from spending on the cc. I also feel more secure in myself now that I'm less attached to material things.

Sorry, rambled a bit there but you struck a chord.

*roversbabe removes heart from sleeve*

Ember999

I'll give an honest opinion too, although some of you may not like it. I am not in debt, we as a family are not in debt, however, I still feel for the people with signatures that tell me they are so far in debt it is unbelievable. I personally appreciate debt can happen to anyone (maybe even myself one day, who knows?) most of the time, through chronic life experiences that wreck your finances. I would guess only a small percentage of people are in bad debt due to totally reckless spending. Yes, some will have done a bit of that, but in reality, are not most of the people on here in debt due to illness (loss of income) divorce (loss of income) partner doing a runner with the local barmaid etc.(loss of income) and that dreaded word I have experienced - redundancy? From the figures I see on what benefits pay out, the weekly payment for a single person wouldn't even cover my pet food bills each week. If I had to live on that kind of money, I would get in to debt very quickly and I would be more concerned with survival, feeding my family etc. than how much debt i was running up. If benefits were actually enough to live on, many people who are in debt wouldn't be. Who could slander the mother who uses a credit card to feed her children if they would go hungry should she not? Who would slander the old lady who pays for her gas bill to keep warm and alive with a loan she cannot afford as the state pension is a joke? Should she care more about debt or dying from the cold? I know what I would choose. One of you said that you can't understand how someone who is trying to pay off debt can still have Sky TV. Well I can. All of us on this earth never know how long we are here for. Any of us could wake up tomorrow and find we have terminal cancer, get run over by a bus, get blown up by a nutcase etc. To spend the next 5, 20, 15 years just slavishly paying every spare penny to clearing debt is stupid. You may be dead before you even pay it off! If just having Sky TV as a small treat (and in the great scheme of things if you are living on the breadline, it is a small treat) and that makes your life a little happier whilst you try to pay off your debts, is that such a bad thing? Are the banks, credit card companies etc. gonna stand at your grave and thank you? I'm not advocating not paying your debts, but I am saying that 'everything in moderation' is the key to at least a little happiness in this world. Can you really plan to do 'without' constantly for years and years? If I was in debt, I wouldn't pay out all my money to them, I'd have a little for me so I could have my Sky or go the the cinema once a week etc. otherwise life would be so miserable I'd have to live on anti-depressants to cope with it. It paying off debt worth that? Value each and every day and put everything in perpsective.