Being Totally Honest...

tee_pee_2

i don't judge people who got into debt for lavish things, most of my debt ( apart from my car) have all been due to my house, and no I don't mean the mort. DIY Gutters blah blah Christ I wish I could say I'm in debt due to travelling around Europe - at least it would have been exciting. and if the debt was clothes then at least I would look good, instead of wearing the same old and looking like a total scrubber!!

simonleblank

My debts are all of my own making. I hold my hands up as I have nobody else to blame. My family are now suffering and have been for the last 20 months. They will continue to suffer for another 23 months. My OH is also now working extra hours. All cos "Iwant that 1" from me!

southernscouser

Ember999 wrote:

To spend the next 5, 20, 15 years just slavishly paying every spare penny to clearing debt is stupid. You may be dead before you even pay it off!

I don't see it as stupid! I see it as bringing the date, when all the money I earn is MINE, forward to as soon as possible!

And I am one of the small percentage who got in debt soley (sp) through reckless spending! :doh:

But I had a bloody good time doing it! :rotfl:

kathfisch

roversbabe wrote:

Great points - I can definitely agree on the emotional aspects of both getting into debt and getting out of it too. I made mistakes in getting into debt, but there was an aspect of wanting to be admired / respected / feel good about myself and spending on clothes / shoes / make up / techie goodies did lift my mood for a short while.

Dealing with the emotional attachment to spending wasn't easy but it has become easier as time has gone on. Also facing the debt was emotional and hard (up there with stepping on the scales ) but the sense of achievement by clearing 4k of debt is far better than the short lived glee that I got from spending on the cc. I also feel more secure in myself now that I'm less attached to material things.

Sorry, rambled a bit there but you struck a chord.

*roversbabe removes heart from sleeve*

You didn't ramble, you expressed exactly what I was trying to say about the emotional element. For me it is (and always has been) a case of low self esteem, not believing that I was worth anything and making myself better through buying and eating; leaving me trying to save money and lose weight at once - like so many of us it seems! Also not feeling that I deserved any better than the sh*tty relationship I was in and so not getting out of it, feeling worse and spending more.

As you say, it is a fantastic feeling to be free of that low feeling and association with spending (or mostly free, still creeps up on me sometimes!) but no one can be forced into that. Self knowledge and understanding only comes when you work for it, same as I believe you can't force someone to have their lightbulb moment (since it is an acceptance of stuff they've known superficially for a long time).

Oh, this thread is really getting me thinking (or waffling :rotfl: )

kathfisch

southernscouser wrote:

I don't see it as stupid! I see it as bringing the date, when all the money I earn is MINE, forward to as soon as possible!

And I am one of the small percentage who got in debt soley (sp) through reckless spending! :doh:

But I had a bloody good time doing it! :rotfl:

Exactly, its not stupid at all. Obviously have some money for yourself but the sooner you can pay off the debt the sooner you can spend (or save) all your money as you like.

I think being debt free is a fab thing to aspire to and any effort to bring forward your debt free date (even by a month) is a big achievement.

Everbody has their own level of commitment and level of skintness that they can live with :rotfl:

moxie_2

mrcow wrote:

I can honestly say that no I don't do that.

I know that it's bad though......but I do read some of the sigs and think "I'm so glad I'm not you".

I know it's terrible, but sometimes you see sigs like "Debt free 2015" and I really feel for them.


I do get a bit judgemental though when someone says that they are trying their best to solve a debt problem, and then refuses to get rid of Sky TV (but that's just me!).

That would be me. Debt built up because of divorce and then bringing up 2 kids in the most expensive city in the world with a lowish wage and little money from my ex. I admit, I was pretty clueless with money, (not now) but my main concern was for my kids not to suffer because of the divorce. So, yes we did go on holiday, had Sky etc etc mainly because I didn't want them to feel deprived. When I look back it was stupid and I will have to spend the next 9 years paying it all off. But it was worth it to have happy kids who have both done well academically and haven't gone down the drugs/drop out route, which is so common in London and elsewhere.

tee_pee_2

what scare me about waiting to eb debt free is that I know once I am cleared I will start to look at other things I want, bigger house conservatory car etc and i won't do them all at once cos I am not stupid, but there is something inside of me that has to strive for more and more. Why do we need material possessions to feel worthy?

Ember999

tee_pee wrote:

what scare me about waiting to eb debt free is that I know once I am cleared I will start to look at other things I want, bigger house conservatory car etc and i won't do them all at once cos I am not stupid, but there is something inside of me that has to strive for more and more. Why do we need material possessions to feel worthy?

Because sadly that is the world that we all live in, that we as mankind created. It's a dog eat dog world, and we are all judged on what we have, what we look like and what we achieve. I truly believe that is why mankind is suffering more illness and depression than ever before. We are never satisfied, we are mentally geared to constantly want more. But that isn't a bad thing. If we didn't feel the need to change and move forward, life would stop and be pointless. There will always be more that we want, more that we need, more that society creates that we just must have to achieve that wonderful commodity we are all trying to find or buy which is called happiness.

huggermugger

My main feeling when I see people's signatures is admiration for the guts it takes to be honest with themselves and the world, to face up to the problem & deal with it. For me, they're little stories of courage & hope. I wouldn't presume to judge any of the authors.

moxie_2

Actually, having it there on my signature is helpful cos I can see what I've achieved. Scary too, but at least I can't bury my head in the sand again.