How To Come Clean With Oh - Advice Please!!!!

System

Dont forget, it took two of you to get into this debt, it will take two of you to get yourselves out if it. So, you do the finances in your relationship. Well, you cant spin straw into gold no matter how you try.

Biggest hugs

dottyanne

Thankyou Judi - i know this - but maybe he will thinks that as im the one supposed to be osrting the bills then i am to blame cause they aint been paid??

tigerlily

All you can do is show him the situation, he should be able to see its not an issue of blame at all but a problem that needs both of your input and hard work to sort out.
Am thinking of you. xx

Bloke_with_a_simple_life

Dotty -

If there is no money to pay the bills he has helped rack up, then explain please how it is your fault?

You have got to try and make him face facts - just print the SOA you have in excel/word, not from here, and ask him how he can help pay the bills, how can he magic up more money, how he can wave and wand and make all those red notices chaneg colour to black notices.

You've got to be brave and make him see what the problems are and hopefully he will help solve these huge problems- he's got to get more money coming in the door.

Good luck

System

dottyanne wrote:

but maybe he will thinks that as im the one supposed to be osrting the bills then i am to blame cause they aint been paid??

They aint been paid cause youve squandered the money. They aint been paid cause you didnt have sufficient funds between you. You cant take the blame for this and you shouldnt either.

My sister in law sheltered her abusive husband from the extent of their debts throughout her marriage. He smoked 60 a day, refused to let her drive his old clapped out gas guzzling vechicle and faked a bad back so that he couldnt work but he expected to carry on spending as though they were loaded and she didnt tell him the extent of their debt and 9 times out of 10 had what he wanted.

Now i am not for a minute saying you and your husband are like my sister in law and her husband but what i am saying is, you need to stand up for yourself. Dont take all the blame if its thrown your way.

oops_a_daisy

Hi DottyAnne - glad to see you are still on here and sorting things out - I hope you are at least starting to see a way to try to sort things out now. I hope all goes well when you talk to OH - ask for his help....... you should not have to bear the burden of all of this on your own. Its not the end of the world - just a realisation that things have to change and they have to change now. Thinking of you.....let us know how you get on. :grouphug:

dottyanne

simonleblank wrote:

Hi Dottyanne,

There is not a good time to do this. I think its best to blurt it out NOW. Also, be totally honest and don't hide anything. Hoping you come through it all. You will feel sutch a weight off your shouders when you do. You will then be in a situation to address the debt and problem. Please let us know?

Hi just a quickie as I know its late and ive gotta go in a sec.........well ive done it - sat down with OH, was crying and it all came out - and guess what - he was brilliant - he said i wasnt a failiure and we are a team and will sort it out together.....ive been so stupid trying to do this alone when im not and with his support and you lots advice i KNOW i will be debt free

---

eventually........thank you all so much who were rooting for me...youve all been so kind.......... :grouphug:

beverleyhills

Dottyanne

re: OH smoking. Sorry I didn't make myself clear, thinking in shorthand. I did realise that it is DH who smokes. What I mean't was that it will be difficult persuading him to face up to the financial situation and support him giving up smoking at the same time.

You have worked hard to sort out your money problems on paper. Tell him and come back to us.

Go for it. bh

Chortle_2

I've been waiting for you to post with how it went Dotty!

Thats fantastic news, it'll be SO much easier with him on-side, and working as a team! :j

I'm really, really glad you faced up to telling him, and that he was supportive You'll get there!

skintchick

Oh dottyanne that's so great! Now I can go to bed happy

I'm really happy that he is so supporitve. It's a huge weight off your shoulders now and hopefully you can start to move forward on it.

xxx