How To Come Clean With Oh - Advice Please!!!!

dottyanne

highguyuk wrote:

I personally wouldnt print off the threads. He may feel that you have been talking behind his back and if he is confident about these he may not like other people knowing about your financial problems.

However, do show him your SOA and mention the site. Sit down and show him the fact, be prepared for all questions and sound like you know what the problem is and what you are going to do to solve it.

Hi - thanks for the advice - i agree - i am gonna try and talk to him later - got to pick kids up from school soon but will tell him i need to talk to him - im so worried how he will take it - hes got a short fuse and i dont want him to think ive been hiding it - if anything ive been trying to protect him from worrying as much as me......................i will let you know how it goes. Thanks.x

dottyanne

Hiya - i dont smoke - its OH that does.........i am gonna tackle this - he is my husband and i shouldnt feel alone in this - his ex wife let him down financially and i dont want him to feel ive done the same - here goes.
x

dottyanne

Hi - update - spoke to OH and said we need a chat regarding finances - he asked why?? i cant believe he has no idea how bad things are?? Were supposed to be sitting down later and sorting through them - im a bag of nerves!!!!

D&DD

Best of luck Dotty we'll all be eagerly awaiting your news on how it went :grouphug:

dottyanne

so scared though - why do i feel so terrified - more terrified of telling him than facing up to the debt itself??

skintchick

Once you start talking it will be fine. It's the fear of his reaction and that's worse than whatever his reaction will be.

You are a team. You need to face this together. you can do it honey.

good luck and post later how it all went.

xxx

D&DD

You'll be fine you'll see Dotty I think there were and still are a lot of very scared people on these boards wether they are posting or not
As you've found (I hope) through 'talking' to all of us about it it's not so scary.As Moozie so rightly said 'the hardest part was facing it all' which you have done already Hopefully after the initial news tonight he'll put his thinking cap on and help you..thats what marriage is all about its a partnership and for richer or poorer! You'll come through hun we'll all be thinking of you so think of us all glued to our screens waiting for an update if you start to feel the strain :rotfl:

dottyanne

I Dont Think I Can Do This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chortle_2

dottyanne wrote:

I Dont Think I Can Do This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course you can! You've been really brave getting to this point, and facing up to it all, you just need to make that one last step, telling OH, and then you can get on with clearing the debt.

What you won't be able to do is clear the debt without him on-side

Think of it this way, would you prefer to tell him now, suffer his wrath (if he doesn't take it well) and then face up to it, or have to tell him however far down the line that one of your creditors is trying to put a charge on your house/pushing for bankruptcy/you're being investigated by the inland revenue for tax evasion?

You sound like a very strong woman, stuck in a quagmire of debt, and trying to get out single-handed. You NEED your other half's support in this, the debt is not solely your fault, nor is it solely your job to fix it!

You CAN do it!

dottyanne

Oh my god - you are so supportive - i think he likes to live in denial, i on the other hand don't - as things never sort themselves out , thats why youve gotta do it yourself - i dont feel like a very strong woman but thanks for your kind words - they mean a lot - i really mean that too.

I think ive been muddling on - on my own for long enough now and i have realised that even my best efforts havent worked and i cant do this on my own.

I know ive gotta face him but im so scaed of his reaction - hes not an easy person to speak to about this kinda thing.........hence why im having to air all my problems to you lot instead of talking to my own husband.

Thanks.

Will let you know what happens.

xx