Would like a 4th child but hubbies had the snip

Megabusymum

Hello, I have three children 8, 5 and 3 and would like a fourth. I've had 3 C-sections and after 2 I haemoraged. My hubby panicked and was in for the snip ASAP after I came out of hospital after the last one. I made it plain at the time that I didn't want him to have it done and he made it plain he couldn't watch me go through another birth again. I CAN see his point of view it is much easier when things are happening to you and you're not watching your loved one go through it but it's almost become an obsession for me now. Should I just resign myself to having no more and accept that sometimes you just can't have what you would like or really push for a reversal of the vasectomy? I know I'm not getting any younger (36) and maybe he's right after all I had an amnio with No.3 after a iffy AFP result (everything was clear though). My hubby was the youngest of 5 and I had to persuade him about a third whereas I'm the eldest of two and strangely my sister neither has nor wants any children. God, I'm rambling now. Any thought or woman/men in a similar position?

Older_but_not_wiser_2

Regardless of possible complications during your pregnancy/delivery, have you asked your husband if he wants to have another child?

It might just be the fact that he thinks 3 is enough.

margaretclare

He had a vasectomy, and whatever his reasons at the time, he may or may not want to go through the process of reversal. (Is reversal guaranteed to be successful, BTW?)

You and your husband have 3 children. Just WHY do you want to add to the family? Maybe you should think 'why' - what difference would another child make, how would our lives, and our family's lives, be affected? He has given his reasons clearly enough - going for the vasectomy was his way of saying 'enough is enough'.

Margaret Clare

Davidboy

Older_but_not_wiser wrote:

Regardless of possible complications during your pregnancy/delivery, have you asked your husband if he wants to have another child?

It might just be the fact that he thinks 3 is enough.

Just what I was going to say.

Isn't it better to stay healthly rather than risk having another and possible implications on your other children. I would say be happy you have 3, love them and spoil them, they are not children for long.

D

fsdss

have you looked at other alternatives such as fostering or adoption, it can be really rewarding for all of you, that way neither of you will have any health issues to worry about and there are plenty of children out there who need a family like yours so desperately. when i was younger my mum fostered 2 children(she already had 3) long term who came to us as babies (at one time there were 7 of us!!), we were about the same age as your children, it was really a positive experience for all of us and we love our "brothers" equally.

Mumstheword

I was going to mention fostering too. If you are so happy and settled with 3 that you think you could manage another, there will be children and babies needing short term foster care who would have the time of their lives staying an a happy secure loving environment. It's a precious gift to give, so you really have to think long and hard and discuss it to death between you first.

Mado

Megabusymum wrote:

Hello, I have three children 8, 5 and 3 and would like a fourth. I know I'm not getting any younger (36) and maybe he's right after all

You could almost be me (37, kids are 8, 6 and 3!!!!).
I sometimes have a little pinch of envy for a fourth but when I look at my life now, I'm not too sure about going into the baby routine again. I really loved it, but I know that so many of the things I do with the older ones would become more difficult. And OH worries that it would bring his retirement age later (he is 42...)
And it's nice as they grow up that we can start playing games together and sit-down at the table to enjoy civilised (well!) family meals.

Make the most of what you have especially if Oh is not that keen on a 4th one. Enjoy and cherish them;it is easy to forget to be grateful for what is there when we think about what we could have....

bonnie_2

i have had 4 c sections and would not recommend it to anyone, i have suffered a severe infection in the stomach and the lungs and had a haomatoma and a heamorrage, scars not healing properly. etc etc.
i now have major probems with scar adhesions which prevent from having intercourse and a normal life, i was told if i had any more it would kill me so hubby had snip.
i would have liked more children as i lost one and my 4th was handicapped, but its no worth risking your life for.

Mumstheword

Just to say, also, I'm twenty sixteen, and have 3 - ages 9, 5 and 3, and at the moment, couldnt bear the thought of any more. But I've still got a few years to think it through, lol!!

exil

Adoption sounds like the thing to consider, as long as hubby is OK with this, would sound like a reasonable compromise - and marriage is one long compromise.

Megabusymum

bonnie wrote:

i have had 4 c sections and would not recommend it to anyone, i have suffered a severe infection in the stomach and the lungs and had a haomatoma and a heamorrage, scars not healing properly. etc etc.
i now have major probems with scar adhesions which prevent from having intercourse and a normal life, i was told if i had any more it would kill me so hubby had snip.
i would have liked more children as i lost one and my 4th was handicapped, but its no worth risking your life for.

Reading your email really has made me think. I'd rather be a mum to the 3 I have than risk everything to have a 4th, thanks for giving me a bit of perspective.