Combating materialism in children!

Mini_Bear

I have this situation with my partner and his stepson (7 years old) stepson doesnt live with us so partner buys him everything (he has 15 football shirts!) and states "He has a lot less than some kids" i tell him thats a stupid mentality and if u feel guilty for splitting from the childs mother spend every penny u hav tryin 2 get custody from the courts. partner doesnt want to waste money on legal bills so continues this cycle.
i buy stepsons clothes from primark, bake cakes with him and play cluedo. and guess what, its me he begs to see if im wrkin late or round friends, not his dad! that annoys my partner and i tell him why i think his son prefers my more maternal and wholesome activities.
im in a difficult position as i literally hav 2 watch my partner turn his son in2 a brat and give him everythin he didnt hav as a child. problem is we both turned out as hardworking professionals. i struggle to see how kids who are bought everythin and never have to worry bout saving etc will have the same drive and determination.

Glen0000

Knub wrote: »

I know people who work 12 hour shifts to bring home a below average salary and support their family. They work damn hard so is it their fault they are "poorer" than others?

That was me. Change career. Get an education. Not difficult. Stop blaming others for your lack of ambition. I did and it has changed my life. Still a long way to go mind, but I very proud of what I have achieved.

Glen0000

Paparika wrote: »

erm maybe those in easy low paid jobs don't have the education of the hard working toffs?

Education is not just for the rich! Anyone can go to uni!

Knub

Glen0000 wrote: »

That was me. Change career. Get an education. Not difficult. Stop blaming others for your lack of ambition. I did and it has changed my life. Still a long way to go mind, but I very proud of what I have achieved.

Good for you, working hard will always reap result and I would encourage anyone who wants to change their life to do so.

Although I still think your view is a little off with regards to being wealthy and just "working harder". Life isn't as black and white as that unfortunatley


With regards to the OP; the chances are your sons friend was telling porkies in terms of what he actually owns in terms of football kit. Your son was taking a stab at a guilt trip when he said what he did, dont feel bad. You did the right thing talking to him about it and making him understand that you do other nice things and that he is still a good boy!

Glen0000

Knub wrote: »

Good for you, working hard will always reap result and I would encourage anyone who wants to change their life to do so.

Although I still think your view is a little off with regards to being wealthy and just "working harder". Life isn't as black and white as that unfortunatley

Of course there are people with learning difficulties, illness happens, accidents etc can all halt your earning potential, but on the whole with life you get what you put in.

Don't be jealous of others, strive to be the best you can be. It is a good lesson to teach kids.

bonty44

This 'materialism' or 'I'm better than you' even extends into lunchboxes, though!

We are fairly OS (because I think it's healthier / cheaper / better for the environment) but DSs friends are very packaged food orientated ... it has taken much struggle to stick to my guns and get DS1 and 2 to realise that the OS way is our way and that they actually eat a whole range more of food than their friends who rely on packaged foods ... Hmmm, when did all this start, I'm sure I was happy with a few cheese sarnies in my lunchbox at school ...

fatpiggy

I don't think it is necessarily simple. Kids are basically selfish and want everything for themselves. Adults have to teach them that they can't just have things (and why they can't) and that sharing is sometimes a good thing. My sister was always far more materialistic than me, but in a sense, I had no choice as all I ever got was handmedowns! There wasn't much money in the family and we did as much as possible for free and learned to save up for things. Interestingly, my sister's twin kids are poles apart. Given the opportunity her daughter would have everything going and spends money like water. Her brother though saves diligently and is quite happy with very little. I'm not sure if he even has a mobile as he has certainly never mentioned it to me.

traveller

pipkin71 wrote: »

Why does the boy's parents buying the football kits have to mean they are compensating for something lacking in their parenting? That they don't spend enough time with their son? That they feel guilty for some aspect of their parenting so they buy football kits? How could anyone possibly know?

Some people are materialistic, others aren't. It doesn't make one parent better than the other. Maybe football plays a big part of that family's life and that's why he has the kit.

Although I agree that kids and materialism Is a problem these days, I have to agree with the above point. The OP like myself, values holidays and days out as opposed to the footie kits ect.It's what's important to you that you tend to spend your money on.

Many people think my kids are spoiled as I do make sure they have big birthday parties and we do holiday at least once a year, but I work very hard to pull this off and my kids perhaps have to forgo what some others get quite readily.I think kids can only be classed as spoilt, If they don't appreciate what they are given, rather than because they are given something and realise the effort involved in obtaining it.

bonty44

I haven't got a problem with football kits per se, I have a problem with the fact that they cause such unnecessary competition in children .. I've got more than you, etc. And the fact that they are so blinkin' expensive and change so regularly!!!

I fully agree with traveller when they say 'children can only be classed as spoilt when they don't appreciate what they are given'.

DS1 is the perfect example of a non-spoilt child, which is why it upset me so much to think he thought I thought (!!) he wasn't good ... at his 7th birthday he asked all but his two best friends not to buy him a present for his party but to donate something to a local charity instead ... and this was off his own back entirely; he told me 'I don't need 16 presents Mummy'.

Hopefully he'll look back on his childhood and realise we weren't the big bad meanies, but that we tried to strike a balance between 'things' and spending real quality time with them.

SugarSpun

It sounds like he already asked the friend why [the friend] has so many football kits, and was told that it was because the friend was good.

I'd talk to him again and tell him that some mummies and daddies give presents to their kids when they're good, but because he's such a good kid you like spending time with him instead.

A kid I went to school with, whenever the group of us made plans that would involve an adult and deciding whose adults to ask to supervise/drive us places, would parrot out, He's a very busy man!, whenever we suggested his father. It's only as an adult that I can hear how his tone of voice changed when he said it and recognise that he was just quoting something he'd heard a lot of times. I think your kid has the right balance: better to be able to count on your parents to do stuff with you than to count on them to buy you stuff. My parents bought me a swing for my fifth birthday. I thought it was awesome, but what I remember most clearly is that my dad stayed home from my birthday party to build it. I'd rather have had him there.