Combating materialism in children!

ailuro2

We went through this aswell, DD was about the same age - all her friends seem to get more than her, but she gets nice holidays, has me and DH available whenever she needs us, has lots of hobbies that cost money.

We don't spoil her, she has a DS and a Wii, but they were about two years apart, not the first to get them. But she has no TV in her room, we don't believe in it at a young age (maybe when she's a bigger teen she's be allowed) She doesn't have a mobile phone yet either.

Yet one of the kids in her class has all the different Xboxes, Wiis. playstations etc. Another kid brings her i-phone in for 'play time' they earn on a Friday afternoon, while DD is allowed to have a little MP3 player to take in.

Now she's decided she can buy it all when she's older and has her own money, but is also very enthusiastic when we tell her how the mortgage overpayments are coming along. (she's 10 now, and understands not having debt is a very good thing)

It is a balance, she gets more DH or I ever got, but not as much as other kids.

As for footie strips, I just can't understand that at all, that's a real good way to prove to everyone that 'one' is happy to throw away money. I just couldn't bear to spend hundreds of pounds on kit that will be obsolete in six months. Similar to buying designer gear I suppose, you either want it or not....:rolleyes:

bonty44

I know exactly what you're saying about footie kits, ailuro2 ... and the most designer my kids or I have got is Cherokee from Tescos ...

It's also very hard because one of our neighbours sons is ten, has been permanently excluded from primary school, is now on a part-time timetable as he can't cope with full-time schooling and YET still has every games console, mobile phone, etc.

What message does that send to kids???

Makes me v. angry and frustrated indeed.

Anyway, have decided to take DS1 and 2 to the park and out for a pizza for tea.

And I'm going to have the morning tomorrow just me and DS1. I usually have Monday afternoons with him after school while we leave DS2 at nursery for a couple of hours but we haven't been able to do that lately.

Glen0000

I have a different take on this. When DD tells me about her friend with a big house, ponies etc I try to explain things like they are older than us, so have 10 - 15 years more earning power and also things like I don't do any over time and mum has only just gone full time. I don't think there is any secrect to having more money, you just work harder. Some of us are prepared to do that, some not.

It also helps when I explain the importance of exams and life events. I failed at school, so it took me a long time to build up to a decent wage. We had a child young. My wife suffers from mental illness, so has struggled to work etc. They are some of the reasons we don't have the big house etc.If DD wants lots of material things when she is older she needs to work hard at school/uni and in life overall.

vik6525

bonty44 wrote: »

How do we do it?

DS1 and DS2 don't go without but we don't go completely mad with stuff either; when I asked DS1 what he wanted for his 7th birthday, there wasn't actually anything that he wanted (I had got him a bike anyway as he looked like Mary Poppins on the other one)

Anyway, DS1 friend came round after school today and they got talking about football kits, etc. DS friend said that he had the whole range of Man U kit, in all the different colours; DS then said that he only had two football shirts. DS1 and I were talking about it later and I asked why his friend had so many football shirts ... to which DS1 replied 'Maybe his Mummy thinks he's a good boy'.

I was DEVASTATED at that comment. DS1 is the most loving 7 year old you could find and I would be devastated if he thought that we didn't shower him with 'stuff' because we thought he wasn't 'good'.

I have spent a long time talking to him about this tonight. I've explained that some children have more toys than others; we prefer to buy family games than toys, there's never been a particular character or toy that DS1 or DS2 are interested in, but they have quite a selection of games that we all sit down and play together. They don't go without but equally we don't say 'yes' to everything either! We prefer to spend money on taking the kids out for the day or on holiday.

How do I get the message across to my son that materialistic things aren't linked at all to how much someone loves their child or how 'good' that child is, when all his friends (and their families!) are materialistic and have sheds full of toys?

I know when he looks back on his childhood he will see that we meant well but that doesn't help me or more importantly him now.

Advice gratefully received please!

Id be tempted to think, as someone else has said, that the friend is perhaps 'stretching' the truth.... Kids do that! In fact, my own son does it, and Ive caught him out a couple of times (most memorably, when one of his mates piped up 'Is Madonna really your sister?' My sons face was a picture!)
Try not to dwell on it too much, my son has hardly any 'material' goods, cause hes just not interested in them. He doesnt like toys, and despite having access to ANY computer games console he wants (my brother owns a games shop) he doesnt really care for them either.

pipkin71

Why does the boy's parents buying the football kits have to mean they are compensating for something lacking in their parenting? That they don't spend enough time with their son? That they feel guilty for some aspect of their parenting so they buy football kits? How could anyone possibly know?

Some people are materialistic, others aren't. It doesn't make one parent better than the other. Maybe football plays a big part of that family's life and that's why he has the kit.

Oldernotwiser

Glen0000 wrote: »

I don't think there is any secrect to having more money, you just work harder. Some of us are prepared to do that, some not.

Unfortunately that's a very simplistc (and not totally accurate) view of life.

tori.k

it wont get any easier when their older, one of my 15 yr old friend, gets paid for school, his father told me they have a set amount for different things ( + &-) the poor mite was really stressed at the parents evening,as he didnt do well in a math test, as his dad is strict on the grades,mine did ask why im so tight as i give mine £2 a day (they can take the bus to school and buy sweets or save it) they have to work round the house if they want to earn any extra, but after seeing his mate so stressed out, say's he prefers just the £10 a week and no hassles, keep doing what your doing, if your son didnt know what to ask for his birthday means he is happy with life and everything he has got...a great mum!

Glen0000

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Unfortunately that's a very simplistc (and not totally accurate) view of life.

I have found it is. The wealthy people I know work damn hard. I don't know any toffs who inherited etc, just hard working people.

Most people I know who are poor (and I include myself at one point of my life) don't work or choose to work in easy low paid jobs.

Paparika

Glen0000 wrote: »

I have found it is. The wealthy people I know work damn hard. I don't know any toffs who inherited etc, just hard working people.

Most people I know who are poor (and I include myself at one point of my life) don't work or choose to work in easy low paid jobs.

erm maybe those in easy low paid jobs don't have the education of the hard working toffs?

i've worked hard all my life, and financially have got nowhere, circumstances m8 circumstances.

if i had a well paid job or a poorly paid job i would work the same, although if it was poorly paid i would try to get a better paid job, I don't choose low paid jobs, and i don't know anyone that does, its what job you can get your hands on atm

Knub

Glen0000 wrote: »

I have found it is. The wealthy people I know work damn hard. I don't know any toffs who inherited etc, just hard working people.

Most people I know who are poor (and I include myself at one point of my life) don't work or choose to work in easy low paid jobs.

Unfortunatley personal experience, generlisations and blanket sweeping statements aren't the most accurate representation of how things are in the real world. Just how it seems to you.

I know people who work 12 hour shifts to bring home a below average salary and support their family. They work damn hard so is it their fault they are "poorer" than others?

I also know a couple of millionaires who work their asses off and have ran a business for thirty years.

I know people who come from well off backgrounds who do nothing and I also know of many people from poor backgrounds who do nothing.

"There is no secret to having more money, you just work harder" - I would love to live in your world, it seems that ignorance really is bliss.