Combating materialism in children!

bonty44

How do we do it?

DS1 and DS2 don't go without but we don't go completely mad with stuff either; when I asked DS1 what he wanted for his 7th birthday, there wasn't actually anything that he wanted (I had got him a bike anyway as he looked like Mary Poppins on the other one)

Anyway, DS1 friend came round after school today and they got talking about football kits, etc. DS friend said that he had the whole range of Man U kit, in all the different colours; DS then said that he only had two football shirts. DS1 and I were talking about it later and I asked why his friend had so many football shirts ... to which DS1 replied 'Maybe his Mummy thinks he's a good boy'.

I was DEVASTATED at that comment. DS1 is the most loving 7 year old you could find and I would be devastated if he thought that we didn't shower him with 'stuff' because we thought he wasn't 'good'.

I have spent a long time talking to him about this tonight. I've explained that some children have more toys than others; we prefer to buy family games than toys, there's never been a particular character or toy that DS1 or DS2 are interested in, but they have quite a selection of games that we all sit down and play together. They don't go without but equally we don't say 'yes' to everything either! We prefer to spend money on taking the kids out for the day or on holiday.

How do I get the message across to my son that materialistic things aren't linked at all to how much someone loves their child or how 'good' that child is, when all his friends (and their families!) are materialistic and have sheds full of toys?

I know when he looks back on his childhood he will see that we meant well but that doesn't help me or more importantly him now.

Advice gratefully received please!

Twinkles08

Tough One!I totally agree with your attitude and hope to stay as level headed as my dd grows up (she's only 3 in Oct).I think teaching kids about the value of money helps.By this I mean encouraging them to save up for things that they really want.I even do this with my daughter now and she has grasped it really well.Whenever she gets pocket money from her grandparents she puts it in her piggy bank.I tell her that she's doing really well etc and remind her that she's saving for a big toy (over £5).She loves it when we take her to the toy shop with her purse.Don't feel bad about what your ds said,just explain that you love him v much and that is what matters and that you believe he is a v good boy but that you want him to learn the value of money.It's v hard keeping up with the kids of today and a fine balancing act me thinks!Not sure I've helped,but plse don't feel bad.

BitterAndTwisted

Maybe you could try to impress on him that some parents feel guilty for not spending fun-time with their kids so they compensate by buying their kids lots of stuff. Also, that some parents buy all that c**p to impress other parents, rather than pleasing their darling children

anonymousie

Non of my kids are materialistic, but then again we adults aren't either. (OK I'm a bit of a gadget freak:o but I do use my gadgets!).

I think the fact that we have never been, and, aren't terribly fussed about "what other people think of us" helps a lot.

Saving up for things is a good lesson, as is the joy of bargain hunting etc . I also make sure we keep to good budget (but great bargains!) for pressies for other kids at birthdays etc.

A chat with your 7yr old about the fact that money doesn't equate to being loved or valued would be important but v tough- after all 7yr old are pretty un diplomatic and you might find him repeating same chat to his mate:eek:

What you musn't be tempted to do is buy it all for him (I know you wont) even if you you could- we talk about monetary prioities with the kids all the time too.

Just cont being the bril mum you are and let him know that the way things are done in other families is different and that is just how it is.

MX5huggy

I asked why his friend had so many football shirts ... to which DS1 replied 'Maybe his Mummy thinks he's a good boy'.

What answer would hope for to such a question?

I think you are doing just fine if they struggle to come up with wants for birthdays.

KellyWelly

Has it occured to you that the friend may be making it all up? Lots of kids lie about having things to make others envious.

If it were me I would probably say 'oh, that's nice for him, but isn't his mummy daft for spending all that money?!' and my son would probably agree. :-)

lolababy

My children are spoiled with material things but are not spoiled brats. They understand the cost of things and that they may not get all that they ask for.
Its how you treat your children emotionally; physically and mentally that counts.Some children are given material things in place of attention. At least your child is having time spent with him and thats more valuable than material goods.

GracieP

My parent's always impressed the real value of everything on us. That it's silly to pay extra for certain labels when normal items are just as good. That paying extra for things means working more and working more means less time as a family.

We were given the choice that we could have Levis, Nikes, etc or we could have no name things which were just as good and we could have my mum home during the day to spend time with us and my dad would not need to work weekends. Guess what we chose?

Floss

Methinks this child's parents are compensating.... quite possibly for working & running a home and not having the time to spend with their child.

I've been there, done thought, bought the football kits.

Then things in our household changed and my kids saw the "real" value of things and of time spent with me.... suddenly the payday Chinese takeaway was more of a special treat than when it was the regular weekly trip to a restaurant as a way of saving time by eating out & "treating" them because the money was there.

bonty44

MX5huggy wrote: »

What answer would hope for to such a question?

I wasn't 'hoping' for an answer to this, just sustaining conversation with him, and I'm really glad I did, as I would hate for him to be thinking we didn't think he was 'good'. I think I said something along the lines of 'Why on earth has he got so many?'

bonty44

Thank you all for your posts; I am feeling somewhat more positive about my parenting this morning.

Had just typed a huge reply which I have now lost somewhere.

DS1 and 2 both earn small amounts of pocket money by doing jobs around the house which they save up. DS1 got a huge amount of birthday money this year but has only spent £3 on a poster! Nothing else that he wants (except, I suppose, a football kit!!)

Why is it so difficult? Why do kids have so much? Why do two of his friends have TVs and Wiis in their bedrooms??? Where has all this materialism come from??? I'm sure I was happy with a magazine and a bag of sweets ...