I honestly don't know what to do anymore

Lightattheend

Well, I'm off to bed - might just tell my 14 year old son to comew off his Xbox and go to bed as well, didn't realise he was still up!!!!:D

Night all, sleep well and wake up refreshed and ready to start the next chapter of your life.

Merlinexcalibur

Night. That's interesting, just been checking seismic activity in the world last 7 days ... quite a lot around Alaska, Kodiak Island's or the islands themselves. Don't know if that's normal but seems like so many in a short space of time eg same day/daily for several days in a row.

Didn't see if there had been any minor seismic anomalies in the UK ... so I think we are safe. For now.

headoutofsand

We have to keep positive. Or else, we may be come negative.

I have been down the road to ruin and lived to tell the tale

You have to stay together and get through the storm

The other side is open. waiting for the step

Once you step change will happen


"I can here the grass grow"

Merlinexcalibur

I deleted this today but it's what I was inspired to write from the first image I posted:

Perhaps one day, I will behold this beauty in my domain. Maybe. Or it shall remain forever elusive, out of my grasp. Bound though I am by borders I will find my way home. Again. My journey is not yet complete, my story yet to be told. My journey is long, and follows itself as it journeys on, the course set by the needs and the winds of change; and my light dims, but never extinguished as the ages pass. And I will return home again. And a new writing shall be told. For I am forever the wanderer.

skigrrl

I know what you mean, well , not really but I'm sure your probs can't be that much worse.

You know, things do get though and you get to the point where you just don't know how to continue, however, I'm sure, if you take a step back and have a think about it you know where things are at.

Of course, I don't know why you feel the way you feel but things are rarely as bad as they seem.

startagain_2

Hi Merlin,

We haven't "met" as I very rarely post these days but I have been reading through your thread this morning and have to reply.....

I have also spent a large part of my life "helping" people and after many, many, times of ending up penniless and alone knew that something had to be done. Others on the board have spoken about dreading the phone ringing in case it was a creditor, while for me it was in case it was another hard luck sob story that I always felt powerless to refuse. :rolleyes:

I would actually put myself in debt, unable to afford my own food and bills, by sending money. I look back now and realise how stupid and gullible I was but some of us are softies with generous, trusting natures and it becomes a trap.

Circumstances at the end of 2008 meant that my income dropped and with debts of £17k I filed for BR. It was a godsend in that without the ability to borrow money I just did not have any spare to give to anyone else. I also embarked on a "recovery year" and this year is all about looking after myself. I am at the top of my list of important things, for the first time in my life. I have psychology sessions every fortnight - my current therapist is actually on the same planet as me and really "gets" me. This is so important and he has helped me so much over the last 8 months. I couldn't have done it without him. I hope you find the same sort of help. I have also read lots of self help books. Let me know if you want any details.

Some of the things he has taught me really hit home and may be of some help to you.....

- Stop taking ownership of things that don't belong to you (other peoples problems)

- Giving to others is a way of denying ourselves ( feeling like we don't deserve, lack of self esteem)

- Stop dwelling on the past or waiting for things to get better in the future, make the most of the present (live in the moment and work gradually towards long term goals)

I also have a mantra that I say to myself.... " I am stronger than the negative things that happen to me in my life"

I have been as low, perhaps lower, than you but now feel myself getting better by the day. For a long time I asked myself "is this it?" like you are now.
I have learnt to appreciate little pleasures and being healthy. I hope too that you will too. I enjoy your posts, always thoughtful and well written and you are amongst friends here. What a good bunch.

End of my marathon post, now you know why I don't post much!!!

Hugs and best wishes

SA

maxmycardagain

Merlinexcalibur wrote: »

I deleted this today but it's what I was inspired to write from the first image I posted:

Perhaps one day, I will behold this beauty in my domain. Maybe. Or it shall remain forever elusive, out of my grasp. Bound though I am by borders I will find my way home. Again. My journey is not yet complete, my story yet to be told. My journey is long, and follows itself as it journeys on, the course set by the needs and the winds of change; and my light dims, but never extinguished as the ages pass. And I will return home again. And a new writing shall be told. For I am forever the wanderer.

or put another way




S**T HAPPENS

Merlinexcalibur

Well, actually, I was hoping to inspire with it. It's why I do write like that sometimes. Like to inspire others, as it gives encouragement to change even the tiniest thing in a situation. And, yes, I did delete the long post I had here before. :D

But I will keep this part in ...

- Stop taking ownership of things that don't belong to you (other peoples problems)

No, that will be stopped. Thrice burned etc.

Being a quite learned person, experience being my best tutor rather than text books, I struggle how to channel that - it would take lots of pages to explain further in that direction - but what I do know are some of the things I have learned, the knowledge can change the lives of quite a few. Only I struggle with how to utilize it. Because of being burned, it took away a very deep part and personal side of myself. So, I tend to write randomly like the above, as it comes out in faltering steps. Someone once told me that as I am creative/artist (but not painting), I am never happy with what I have done, so I doubt. I always want to improve, when it is already okay as it is. Always, tweaking, fiddling. Experiment with it. So that I wrote I fiddled about with, struggled for several minutes before leaving it alone, as it was. No reading, no writing will ever have the same two effects on different people so it's what it means in the time it is read to those who read it. What fits the moment, really. The next moment after it may mean something different. If if inspires someone to change something about something in their lives, even better.

Richard_S

Hi Merlin,

You are obviously a person that needs a lot of attention, sympathy, and hand holding, and you really have had all the support that any person has the right to deserve in a lifetime.

I've read quite a lot of your posts, and they always revolve around you. You play the victim in a way that would undoubtedly win oscars if you were an actor.Why do you edit most of your posts?

When are you going to take responsibility for your life and put right the things that are wrong?

If you've got debt problems; either repay the debt; negotiate a DRO, or declare bankruptcy; it really isn't rocket science. I don't ever recall seeing your statement of affairs, or an attempt to create a workable budget.

I don't know whether you work or not. If you do; take a second job and do something for a good cause; if you don't then it's about time you did. You've got far too much time on your hands to write overly long accounts of what may or may not be fact, or just flights of fantasy.

I've posted on this site for almost three years, and tried to help people who have been at their wit's end through debt and associated pronlems, but I've never seen anybody so obsessed with themselves as you. You talk about helping others and how that has resulted in your current problems; I wish I could find scapegoats so easily to blame my problems on.

I don't intend this post to be a criticism of you; I sincerely hope I can offer some assisstance. My first suggestion would be to stop reflecting on the past and try to concentrate on the future. Secondly, you've clearly got too much time on your hands; try and fill that time doing something constructive. You have a vivid imagination; why not try and write short stories for magazines if the world of work is too daunting? Thirdly, all the time the good people on here spend responding to your self-indulgent reflections, is less time that could be spent with people who truly need their attention.

Best regards

Richard

Lightattheend

Richard, just for your information posting in response to Merlin is my choice and does not prevent me posting to help anyone else like you seem to imply in your post. If you do not agree with Merlin's posts then simply do not read them or respond to them but I reserve my right to respond to whoever I wish without being told I am wasting my time!