Please help with baby blues and sleeping

mishkanorman

Firstly tell your mate to stuff her gina ford book, although its nice to turn to someone for answers really there arent any !! each baby finds there own way, as do you and you will find this thread alone 10x more helpful then any book. dont get caught up in trying to change too much pick your battles and make sure they are the ones you can win


personally for us we used a combination of breast feeding and bottle feeding expressed milk at night feeds. the baby whisperer uses a dream sleep method which worked a treat for both my DS, we would put them to bed at a set time everyday, (7pm for us) and they stayed there for the rest of the night. No coming down stairs, into our bed etc. once asleep one of us would feed the baby at around 10 ish just before we went to bed. The idea of the dream sleep is that the baby isnt woken up, it can be done with breast feeding but its much easier to leave them in their cot and give them a bottle. They are then topped up so even if they feed at say 8, we would always give another few ounces to make sure they are full. The trick is to catch them before they wake fully. Its not a miracle cure but it meant for us we were able to elimate hunger as a reason for crying, they also didnt wake as often and both boys slept through the night pretty quickly.


As for the baby blues, its not something you have to endure like a right of passage, speak to your midwife and tell her you feel down, she will be able to judge if you need some medical help or just a few hours more sleep. I do have to say though once my Oh went back to work it all clicked into place for me, he just seemed to be over helping, i came to think i couldnt do it for myself and let him mother me !


hth


mishka

rev229

How you are feeling is pretty normal! Having a baby is a big change in life. If you are breast feeding well then carry on it is very early days. Babies have a natural growth spurt aroung day 10 (I was a Midwife) so it is quite normal for them to have a very unsettled couple of days while you milk supply catches up with his needs. He will fed more as he needs more calories as he is growing. As the breastmilk supply meets his demand her will settle again. similar happens at 3 and 6 weeks and these are the peak times for growth spurts and when lots of mums give up on breastfeeding!. Hang on in you are doing really well adn you are very hormonal. Nights are the worst but it does get better. Eat well and drink enough fluids each time you feed you baby have a snack and drink yourself. Keep some jiuce/ water and biscuits/dried fruit/fruit in your bedroom for night feeds and look after yourself. Try having a bath with you baby before your bedtime or a family bath. Allow you other half to get out first and dry baby while you sort yourself out. Have some skin to skin with baby and feed him, he should be quite relaxed by then and ready for the night ahead. If he sleeps its a bonus, if he feeds regular then he is hungry. If you are happy he is well fed and nappy ok then put him in his own bed, he may cry for a bit then settle. If he does not settle let dad pick him up to settle him, perhaps in another room away from you. If you pick him up he will probably want a feed because he can smell you milk. (like going into a cake shop when on a diet!!) . He will settle with dad as he has nothing to smell. You can express some milk onto a breast pad and put it in his crib so he feels you are near. HTH

fernliebee

Firstly good on you for the breastfeeding! It can get very draining as it is phsically and emotionally tiring, added to the no- sleep then it seem's so hard. You need to do what feels right for you all, but I'll let you know what I did just in case any of it is of any use whatsoever! Firstly though don't let anyone tell you that what you are doing is wrong! There are so many different right ways of doing things, and you just need to experiment and find out what works for you! Some people live by routines and others can't abide them. Personally I am in the middle as I can't stand the idea of living from a book or to somebody else's rules, but we came up with an evening/ nightime routine that worked for us. I don't know about your little one, but my DD would go 3 hours between feeds during the day, but would then cluster feed in the evening, so she was feeding fairly constantly between 6 and 10. Then We would do baby bath, baby massage, PJ's then last feed up in bed with me, I would then settle her in her moses basket by putting her down asleep, and if she stirred just pat her tummy, I also had to roll up blankets and make a 'nest' around her, and prop her legs up as she would startle herself and wake up! I would then try and just use my voice and patting to settle her, unless she started to really cry as my DD is very 'vocal' before she goes to sleep so wouldn't be crying as such just having a little grumble IYSWIM, she still does it now at 11 months! I would keep it dark and just have landing light on, I would try not to talk much apart from shushing noises, and would try n do nappy changes as quick as poss, while still keeping it fairly dark (we had all nappy change stuff in bedroom with us so we didn't have to go to another room etc...
If I was particularly tired (I have never been able to sleep in day, no matter how tired I am!) Then DH would pick DD up and lay her next to me in bed, then when she was finished put her back in bed. I learnt to feed laying down as then you are still resting. I couldn't get it from looking at pictures so I latched her on sitting up, then lay down with her and that was easier! Then when she woke at 5-6 for her feed she would come in with me and we would lay in until about 10!!!
You sound like a lovely caring mummy, and daddy and I hope you get things sorted soon, It gets easier about 6-8 weeks then easier again at 3 months! HTH.

Bitsy_Beans

Do not look at any baby/parenting books. They will only make you feel like a failure if you can't pigeon hole your baby into a particular type (Baby Whisperer) and as for Gina Ford - that book should be banned.
At 10 days old your baby is getting used to the outside world. Before there was no day and nightime and it's an adjustment that takes time.
My advice for your H is to get the sleep he can so that he can support you as much as possible when he's home. Most of the people I know who BF co-slept as it's easier. Not known anyone to squash their baby but if either of you do smoke then I wouldn't recommend it no matter how tired you get.
problem with feeding is formula doesn't mean they will sleep through but with BF if think you are more likely to have a baby who wakes a couple of times a night (hence the friends that co-sleep). You could try expressing and therefore you H could take over some of the night time duties. I dream fed both my two but I did take them out of the cot to feed.
Would you consider using a dummy for settling. I didn't BF but I understand the issue with using a dummy is confusing baby with dummy and breast. Anyone BF AND used a dummy successfully? I find them very helpful for nighttime sleeping.
Tiredness is a killer and I speak from a mum who's had around 4 hours sleep last night. And no not from a newborn but a 10 month old baby. It makes EVERYTHING seem much worse and makes you unhappy. Go with the flow. Don't feel like you have to be super mum - you already are. You love and feed your baby and at the moment that's the biggest thing it needs.
It will pass, just don't beat yourself up about it. If people offer to help take it with both hands.

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

If you are struggling with your baby at night, I would consider having baby sleep alongside you. Can you have a go at breastfeeding lying down on your side, with baby beside you? If you struggle, have a google for La Leche League or the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers - both have great helplines that are open until late at night and may even be able to send someone to see you.

My daughter would never have slept unless she had been in bed with us and my husband and I would have probably divorced! There's a reason why UNICEF and the World Health Organisation reccommend cosleeping as important in supporting breastfeeding; sometimes, it's the very best way for you all to get some sleep.

There are some safety guildelines that need to be followed, so you can be confident in what you are doing:

1) Invest in a bedguard; they cost around £20 from Argos or Next etc. It's a panel that attatches to your side of the bed and stops baby falling out. Don't push the bed up against the wall, or wedge the cot against the bed; baby can get trapped between them. Keep baby on your side of the bed until they are fully mobile. (Alternatively, you can invest in a bedside cot, which pretty much clips on to the side of your bed. This is great if you feel like you have little space in your bed alone).

2) Avoid using a duvet and use cellular blankets (the ones with holes in) or sheets instead. I used a combination and wore a nightie if I got cold.

3) Dress baby lightly; it gets warm in your bed. They should wear what you wear.

4) Don't do this if you or your partner smoke. The rule for drinking is the same for driving; one or so units max (to prevent it making you overly drowsy). This rule applies to your partner too once baby is big enough to go between you. Additionally, avoid this sleeping arrangement if you are on drugs which make you drowsy. Anything which interrupts the normal pattern of sleep is bad news!

Breastfeeding at night regulates your hormones and stops you falling into too deep a sleep, which prevents you rolling on your baby. In turn, being breastfed means your baby wakes up more often as the milk is digested more quickly - this works to prevent SIDs (in fact, the most recent studies show that co-sleeping when following the above safety guidelines reduces the risk of SIDs for these very reasons. Result ).

I found that even if my daughter struggled to sleep in the day (and she often did), when I went to bed, she would nod off with me and would feed during the night. Sometimes I woke with her, sometimes I didn't - but I was able to get a great quality of sleep and so was my husband. He, in turn, was able to give me a bit of time off during the day - even if it was just to shower alone.

I find that a lot of people tell me that having baby sleep with us is encouraging a 'bad habit' and that I am 'making a rod for my own back.' They can swivel on their rod, because my daughter happily went into a cot at eight months; something just 'clicked.' She still woke regularly and it was, in the end, easier to have her back in with us - but that was down to personal preference. I also don't subscribe to the bed being a 'marital' space (my husband farts in it quite spectacularly:o) and there are plenty of other places to have time as a couple, while baby snores away!

Don't don't don't put your baby in another room at this point (as the midwife below suggests?!) - they need to be in your bedroom at this age. Your breathing nearby stimulates their breathing. I also wouldn't be expressing milk off at this point on a regular basis; you're only just establishing your supply. Don't be surprised if your baby doesn't settle with dad at this age; they are programmed to seek you out as a means of survival. It doesn't mean dad is pointless; he just has another role to play.

fsdss

funnily enough i went to visit another mum who was going through the same as you (its part of my job)
the most important thing to remember is that you are well fed and rested as much as you can. if you cant settle baby down, try a baby sling like this one
http://www.mothercare.com/gp/product/B0011HSPB2/sr=1-5/qid=1242292560/ref=sr_1_5/275-0159767-2550107?ie=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=42833041&mcb=core
it will free your hands and the baby will settle with the smell of you around him.
weather the baby is breast feeding or bottle feeding, you probably will have the same problem, so i would continue to breast feed as he is doing so well.
is the baby crying all the time? just a train of thought here but could be reflux or colic, but discuss this with the midwife / HV.

another tip is to bring the knees to the chest when asleep by using a prop such as a small cushion under matress (this takes pressure off the stomach area), and also think about swaddling baby with perhaps a bit of muslin with your breast milk on the side of the cot / basket.
dad needs his rest too, so he can be useful to you and continue to do his job, speak to him and state that he is putting you under pressure by getting up with you in the middle of the night, if you can express, then he could perhaps share the feeding tasks, leaving at least one of you rested.
its a hard time at the moment but thankfully short lived, take as much rest as you can, eat well, drink plenty of water and look after yourself.
good luck

squishyclaire

Thank you all for your replies and i would appreciate any further advice. I type with one hand as the baby still will not settle this morning and i have resorted to holding him to stop his crying. it is good to know i am not the only one going through these things but sometimes that is hard to rationalise at 4 in the morning. he is very beautiful thou, even when a pain.

Money_maker

I so understand the tears and deperation. My LO would fall asleep at the breast then wake up and create when put in her crib. Manys the time I fell asleep sitting up feeding and woke to find her asleep in my arms. The trick was to get her into the crib without waking her!

She never did like laying down much.

3 months old sounds such a long time away, but it will come. Then it gets so much easier and you can really enjoy your baby. Just sleep when she does and eat when she feeds. Plenty of water as well. Dont think about bottlefeeding yet - you are so lucky you can feed well.

Good luck and remember we've all been there.

Mme.Hibou

Buy a sling http://www.kari-me.com/ best thing we've bought to date, I don't think we could have coped without it, he sleeps like a pro in it and it gives you 2 hands to get stuff done!

Proof here!

Money_maker

squishyclaire wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies and i would appreciate any further advice. I type with one hand as the baby still will not settle this morning and i have resorted to holding him to stop his crying. it is good to know i am not the only one going through these things but sometimes that is hard to rationalise at 4 in the morning. he is very beautiful thou, even when a pain.

Cos mine wouldn't lay down happily, I carried her around with me most of the time! Folks were always commenting on how slim I was, had to tell them it was because I was standing up most of the day and walking round.
If you need a break, can you put him in a car seat and take a trip out? Nearly always works.