Please help with baby blues and sleeping

squishyclaire

Can anyone offer any advice to myself and my partner. We have a 10 day old baby and we are really struggling with what to do at night with him regarding tasks. I am breast feeding so have to get up but my partner keeps feeling guilty that he is not getting up also so thinks he has to sit with me. He then can't get back to sleep and he also finds it hard to sleep in the daye with the feeding but I find it hard to settle to baby after the feeding. I was in tears last night because the baby just would n't go back down. My partner had to take the baby and was up most the night settling him. I know this probably all sounds a bit mad but we have to have some idea of what to do before my partner goes back to work next week. Is the solution for us t sleep in separate rooms? We have considered doing bottles but I am not sure, the baby is breast feeding really well. The whole thing is making me really drained and unhappy. I feel guilty for feeling so bad about my beautiful baby but I feel in a mess. I spoke to a friend last night who made me feel worse by saying that if I was to fllow Gina Ford then I wouldn't be having these problems. We are walking zombies- maybe this is par for the cause but I want to enjoy my baby not be constantly be crying.

scrimpingbadger

You're shattered. Try to let go your anxiety about 'doing it right' and go with the flow. Try to sleep when little one does. Sod the housework. Concentrate on getting through one day at a time. Try not to dread the night times. I wouldn't go into seperate rooms just have a deal with partner that he will take over for a bit when he gets in from work (so you can have a bath etc) and you do the nights - he can't help with that. I won't advise about breastfeeding but will say that making bottles up can be a hassle too.
Don't feel guilty. Sometimes 'good enough' is ACTUALLY 'good enough'. It does get better, honest.
Best of luck and try to relax.
p.s when we left hospital with my son the nurse told me to 'enjoy your son' and I remember thinking 'are you bloody mad?'

SugarSpun

I'm only offering the wisdom in the book I bought (my babe's still cooking) but it suggests that you make sure the baby can see a clear difference between daytime and nighttime - keep the room dim, talk softly and as little as possible, and make sure that daytime is filled with activity and music in the background so the baby can tell the difference and can learn that nighttime is for sleeping.

If your OH needs to go back to work soon, I'd be tempted to move into the baby's room for a couple of nights until you've managed to get the baby settled into a nighttime sleeping pattern.

Good luck!

skylight

Are you sleeping during the day?? Stuff the housework, just wash the essentials and leave the rest, ban visitors (unless they are going to actually HELP and not expect tea, biccies and a baby snuggle).

Sleep when baby sleeps. If he falls asleep downstairs (pushchair/playcot/moses basket etc), then lay on the sofa - you won't oversleep, he will wake you when he wakes up! It does not compensate for night sleep I have to admit, but it does help you feel a bit better in being able to cope with stuff. However, I would not allow mine to sleep for more than 4hrs at a time during the day and would always wake them for a feed; because I found that if I let them sleep through they could sleep for 7hrs or more during the day whilst I was up all night! Also, at night keep things calm, dim and quiet. I found a nightlight plugin thing to be great - enough light at silly o'clock to see but not enough to disturb babies.

He is only 10 days old. He does not care if its day or night-time, he only cares for a full tummy and Mummy/Daddy cuddles.

As some one else mention - whats good enough for you, is good enough for YOU. Stuff what anyone else thinks. It does take time though to do this; there is sooooo much competition with some mothers (mine is asleep already/rolling over/potty trained at 10mnths.....!!) It may be normal for them but not for the majority. And I am not friends with Gina Ford. I don't like her whole ethos, BUT I would strongly suggest that you get several books from the library and pick and chose different bits to suit you and your family/lifestyle.

tanith

I know its not going to help but what you are describing sounds pretty usual. But it will settle down , your baby will almost certainly get better at sleeping after a feed, I used to always change my babes before the feed then it was easier to just place them straight back to bed after feeding. Your partner is being hyper sensitive to your needs at the moment and rightly so, but once back at work he will probably not get so disturbed by you or the baby.. as everyone else says just do the essentials and nap when the baby is asleep... it will get better and yes it is exhausting but oh so worth it...
There is nothing wrong with having a helpful Mum/Sister/Friend come in and give the baby the odd bottle feed and babysit while you get your head down for a few hours either...

missprice

bless you squishyclaire


stop trying so hard, i promise the world wont fall apart if you dont "do the right thing"

every baby is different
at 10 days old its hard to know what routine will suit you and baby

when hubby comes in either have a bath or go to sleep for however long you can
the tiredness is sooo hard to get through but you will get through it
if a freind/family comes around to visit, either have a bath or go to sleep
if your having probelms breastfeeding then ask midwife or health visitor.
they are best placed to help you
dont be shy about it

but every chance you get you should sleep until baby gets into the routine.
if the house is a mess so be it
let your mother sort it or whoever is bothered by it.
that baby is more important than housework.
and you are needed for that baby
this bit doesnt last for ever, and soon you will feel better

BeenieCat

It might be that baby isn't settling because you and OH are feeling anxious when you wake up, both feeling guilty at each other etc. When my DS was this age i used to wake up completely, put the light on, change nappy even if he didn't need it etc.

I then realised i was making life hard for myself so when he woke up for a feed i kept the lights off, quietly fed him and put him back down, no talking, no fuss. There was many times i'd lie him in bed next to me i was so tired, and obviously worried about falling asleep and squashing him, but i only fell asleep a couple of times with him and it wasn't as scary cos i had double bed to myself (OH had done a runner by then!).

I will admit though, once when he was about 2m old he actually fell out of the bed, i panicked big time and rang my mum at 4am but everything was fine, i felt like such a bad mother but luckily there was a soft blanket on the floor next to the bed for some reason! (Sorry, this probably made you worry more lol)

Krystaltips

When a baby is born, it doesn't know the difference between day and night... Naturally they sleep more during the day and are more wakefull at night because if they were wild animals it would be safer to be awake at night when more things want to eat them... At only 10 days old your baby hasn't yet learnt the night is for sleeping.. I would suggest your hubby doesn't sit with you at night if you can manage without him, that way, while he's off work he can watch the baby for a couple of hours while you sleep in the afternoon...

Putting baby on bottles at this stage would probably not make any difference, it's not about food at this stage, it's about what baby knows... And books on routines are probably not what you need now, they will just add to your stresses...

Mme.Hibou

Ooh you sound just like me only a few weeks ago!

He was 10 weeks yesterday and is already sleeping the whole night through (and has done since 3 weeks) The first 3 were a *nightmare* He was struggling to breastfeed, so I was expressing and also trying to get him latched on, we conquered that at about 2 weeks, but we were still in the position you seem to be in. My partner and I found it difficult to sleep through the day (easier said than done) and he seemed to be wide awake at night, we felt like we were on shift patterns - one of us would go to sleep and wake the other around 3.30am when we swapped places.

We then sat down before my OH went back to work and had to formulate a plan. Our boy can sleep as much as he likes through the day, up until 7/8pm he is then kept awake, playing with him, singing him songs and he can breastfeed as much as he likes in that time. He has a bath around 9/10pm, (he'll be in the bath with either myself or OH - not a baby bath) and a big feed before he's carried in a sling.

We found the first couple of times really hard as he would only fall asleep on us and we'd all drop off and he'd still be in our bed. We didn't move him and he slept really well.

Last night, for the first time, we put him in our bed by 10.30pm and he slept on his own and never made a sound when we joined him an hour and a half later. He's still there now!

It will get better, you and your OH have to work together and find out what suits you. He's still only very little and he needs to know he can trust you (another reason we've never let our little one cry on his own) It will get better. X

cazscoob

I agree with all the above but can i ask if you are eating enough? i found when i wasnt eating enough baby was very unsettled and screamed, i eat regularly(sometimes not always the best things lol!) but have found this helps. It took us until 8 weeks before Erin would sleep at night she is 12 weeks now and is great!

Ask anyone on parent/pregnancy forum esp Krystal how bad i was with baby screaming 24/7 and not being able to settle her. then one day it all clicked into place. if your happy BF then i would continue and remember it doesnt hurt to let baby cry for a while, this was the best thing i learnt and now she is happy to settle herself when she is tired and grumpy.
i hope everything settles down soon for you x

Bella79

i hear you , My daughter is 2 now but i remeber those days so clearly i was crying felt sick and was shaking all due to lack of sleep, In those early days i thought "omg what have i done"

I read countless baby books on routines etc but found them all too anal then i came across "the baby whisperer by tracy hogg" and i swear i never looked back

I reccomend you google her as thers a website with forums dedicated to her and u will get load of advice and help you on your way to a routine

i got my daughter going from last feed at 10pm awake once at 3am then 7am which i thought was pretty good o say she was only a few weeks old

then once she got to about 9 weeks i got her sleeping through last feed 10pm next feed 7am !!

i know how u feel hun x