Son still at home

Susan_Frost

I dont think any specific age is the "right" age, but do feel once youngsters can finance themselves, etc that it is a natural thing for them to move on. Cannot understand parents who dont bring their kids up to be able to look after themselves - cook, clean, wash, iron, etc. Dont they want them to be healthy? How manly is it really to not be able to keep yourself clean and fed properly - always reliant on others.

While at home, they should pay their way properly, according to income, at least enough for food and towards utility bills. Do their own tidying and ironing. Cooking and washing can be done for the whole family - but they can take their turn to do it. I think it is important that kids do "family" chores, not just things for themselves.

michellemybelle

Just to say he does pay rent and I'm happy with the amount. It's the fact he wont save that worries me. I think the answer is to put the rent up and save what I dont need. Thank you for all your replies and I know the mothers out there understand how hard it is!

ps. he already had a lumpy mattress and I refuse to replace it.

Francesanne

Don't think your son has any intention of leaving home whist he's so well looked after. Tend to agree with your husband. He's probably still 'your baby' but he's a grown man with a good income and it's time to leave the nest.

LouBlue

As said, not so much to do with his age, but the fact that you do everything for him. I didn't move out til 25 but up until moving out, I paid a third of my take home pay, helped out around the house, did my washing, me and mum would take in turns to cook a meal for each other if we were both in, we were a team really, she worked really hard, no way would I ever have wanted to take advantage of her.

fluffyb

I have 2 sons and 1 daughter, all in their 20's. My younger son moved out 2 years ago aged 23, but my eldest son only moved out last summer aged 27 [almost 28] Still have 20 year old daughter at home [plus her boyfriend who eats me out of house and home :eek:]

I assume your son pays his way? If not, he should be. Daughter gives us a small amount [only just finished being a student and on very low pay] which I don't mind, but we are also feeding her b/f and that really annoys me. I don't mind a couple of times a week but it is every night.

As for the getting into your PJ's dilemma - just do it. I do :rolleyes: My sons and my daughters g/f's / b/f's just had to get used to it :rotfl::rotfl: In fact i am already in my PJ's. It's my house, and he will be here any minute now but doesn't bat an eyelid anymore :rotfl:

kr15snw

underlay_guru wrote: »

Hi,

I too can relate to this.....I have a friend of 30 years old who is still living at home with his parents, with absolutely no intention of moving out......I don't think he is taking the p***, just doesnt know hoe to move out, I suppose! He pays £100 per month for his keep...

His parents are moving away soon - he intends to move with them....oh dear!

Ignoring the last sentance, OMG do you know my brother? Lol.

Hes 31, and has admitted 'whats the point in moving out?'. He pays £100 a month and gets EVERYTHING done for him.

Mum was the same with me, but luckily I wanted to move out. Thank god my bf was understanding when at 18 I didnt know how a washing machine / iron / oven worked....

Kaz2904

My Dh would never have left his Mums if I hadn't dragged him! She also did everything for him and it's taken years to get him to do things!
I've taken a different tack with my two. They are 7 and 5 and I make them fold their own washing up and put it away. I help them with the bits they cant manage and they moan but as I point out, if they help out then we all have more time to spend together!
Cooking on the other hand is a different story. I always have a small person hovering right at elbow height trying to help out (generally they get elbowed a couple of times but have got used to that!).
Lets hope they continue to help out as they get older.

naturally_2

Going to stick my neck on the block and moan about mothers over mothering their sons now. Its left to their girlfriends/ wives to sort out, which is bloomin difficult when they are in 20+ years' worth of habit of having it easy!

Not aimed at anyone in particular: but please, all the mothers of sons who are reading this, for the sakes of the women who will come into your son's life please ensure he can cook, clean and use a washing machine & iron as a bare minimum.

Savvy_Sue

michellemybelle wrote: »

Just to say he does pay rent and I'm happy with the amount. It's the fact he wont save that worries me. I think the answer is to put the rent up and save what I dont need. Thank you for all your replies and I know the mothers out there understand how hard it is!

ps. he already had a lumpy mattress and I refuse to replace it.

That's the spirit ...

Start looking at retirement property brochures. Ask what he's going to do when you move to one of them? Certainly stop buying his beers. Make sure it's a family home, not a family hotel. My lot start doing their own washing at 16, and I do not know what I shall do when the youngest goes to Uni because he is my last washer-upper! :rotfl: Mine also cook when requested (including Sunday lunch) and do anything else around the house.

funnily enough, they can't wait to leave. :rotfl:

mr218

i am not sure what you actually want him to do , move out or change some of his ways when he is living with you

i think you should look at him as a lodger who is fun to be with. basically, sit down and divide the chores. explain how the kitchen has to be kept clean after cooking eating.you have an adult who can help with the chores, bring in some money

and loosen your inhibitions. wear what you want in your house. if anything , it might make them decide to move

what i am trying to say is stop him from cramping your style. if he does not like it he will move out. otherwise you can have hte benefits of having another person to help out around the house and bring in some money.