How do you know when you are ready for children?

Gavin83

If you feel you may want children in the future then tell him you wish to hold off for a few years and then discuss the situation.

However, if you don't feel you'll ever want them I think you should make that clear to your future husband. It could potentially be a dealbreaker but it's not fair to lead him on and you have to let him make his decision based on how much he wants children. Personally I don't ever want children and I know I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that did, I think it's grounds for huge friction in the future.

DKLS

Take your time there is no major rush and having kids isnt for everyone.

I recently announced my wedding date, and am suddenly receiving lots of advice as to when I have my first child, The average suggestion so far is 3-5 years after marriage. They tell me "that having children will be the making of me". 1 by 1 I tell them I have had the snip and that soon shuts them up. Its not for me or my OH and that was made very clear at an early stage in our relationship.

perplexed.com

It sounds to me as if you may have considered having children if you hadn't been exhausted with helping care for your dad, especially if you're the only one he can rely on just now. Whether to have them or not is such a personal thing. I never wanted any originally as I was so focussed on my career. Then as I got older I imagined how life would be in the future and could not imagine it without having children though somehow I thought more about older children and adults, sharing experiences etc. To be honest I was never 'broody' and often got bored with my kids when they were babies/toddlers ( I did love them, though, before someone calls child protection!). As I had thought I do enjoy them more as teenagers and are becoming people in their own right. I have three, by the way, so the baby stage was not so bad as to put me off!
Although I would never say 'you may not like kids but you'll love your own' I do find I can get irritated by noisy young kids and other people's crying babies can be awful. I also seek out child free places when out with my OH etc, so there is something different about your own. ( though I was always very conscious of other people's feelings when my lot cried or had a tantrum). I realise it may not be possible but is there any way at all you could get help with caring for your dad? This may allow you to feel less stressed and help you think about it more clearly.
Someone said imagine if you could not conceive and although that may not initially seem relevant you could try it as a thought experiment ie.try to imagine that and all the consequences it might entail then imagine the opposite, ie. having kids and play out that scenario too.

Whatever happens you will make the right decision for yourself as most people do have the ability to see the best in whatever decisions they make in life and convince themselves this was the right decision after all!

consultant31

fay144 wrote: »

It would be the end of the world, or at least the end of all the things in my life I enjoy...

So currently, I sort of feel like I should just accept that life can't be about having fun forever, and I need to grow up and settle into a miserable life of drudgery eventually. Not yet though - I'm not thinking about it again until I'm at least 30.

How awful that you feel life with children would mean an end to having fun. You couldn't be more wrong!

Settling in to a life of misery and drudgery???? Yes there can be some drudgery involved (washing nappies, mopping up sick), and even misery (specially when you've been up all night nursing a teething baby) but the rewards are unbelievable (for me anyway).

If you don't want children, I firmly believe you shouldn't have them to please your family. You sound a bit like my DIL and I've come to accept that she's just not cut out to be a Mum, but she's a brilliant auntie to my Grandson

Children deserve to be loved and cherished and most of all, wanted!

They are not everyone's idea of perfect bliss, but I wouldn't swap mine for anything, they are all I ever wanted in life.

I think the poster who said having children to care for you in later life has been misjudged. I took her to mean that families (children) care about you, really care, not because they're paid to but because they love you. I cared for (and about) my Dad before he died and still care for (and about) my Mum today - I don't find it (or her) a burden and I hope (in fact I know) my children will continue to care about me as I grow old.

Zara77

It up to you in the end but no one should pressure you. I would tell your partner how feel and proceed from there. Im 28yrs old and decieded many years ago that i never wanted children. Everyone always told i would change my mind as i got older-if anything im more sure i dont want kids.

Sirbendy

I work with kids in a secondary, we have a lot from what I would call "disadvantaged" backgrounds, and some who quite frankly have no home life and parents that would rather they weren't there. It's quite depressing, some of the stories that come in.

I always said "no kids"..working in education with challenging ones can do that! That changed when I came home one night and Jem said "Mr SuperSperm does it again...". I ended up sat staring out of the window for a few hours trying to get my head round it.

Now, I've decided that, yes, I can do kids. My brother has one on his tod, We both have supportive families, we're in an OK setup right now, and if it's going to happen then we should do it while we're young (32 for me, 23 for Jem) and able.

I'm damn sure I can provide a better home life than some of our kids here get. Plus this child (if all goes well) will have 4 nans to fight over it, and a large family to help with advice and upbringing if we need it.

It'll be an interesting and tiring experience, but as my brother says, it's worth it.

angelicmary85

Lois_and_CK wrote: »

You misunderstand me. I did not say that unmarried people were despicable! I was unmarried before I got married :rolleyes:
QUOTE]

I know that unmarried people aren't despicable, I just meant to ask if people thought that unmarried parents are despicable...I was only throwing the question out there as the thread was becoming quite judgemental so I just wanted other people's opinions on unmarried parents but now we've all made friends it doesn't matter...I just wanted to clarify what I was trying to say!