Another "use the child as a weapon" Thread

puddy

DigitalJedi wrote: »

Cafcass are court appointed. You can't just approach them. They are about as useful as a chocolate teapot and their main purpose seems to be preserve the status quo....which in OP's case is not seeing his son.

His two days a week won't be grounds for him to ask for shared parental responsibility. His solicitor will probably just apply for contact. OP should ask his solicitor to explain the difference but given his current circumstances I don't rate his chances of getting shared PR.

what you have said above is factually incorrect. the assessment will decide what is in the childs best interests, if that is the status quo (unlikely in this case) then they recommend that. i have only once recommended the status quo personally.

also you make reference to 'shared parental responsibility', I assume you mean shared residence??

any parent can ask for shared residence. shared residence does not necessarily mean that the time the child spends with each parent is exactly equal, it just means that both parents have residence of the child, rather than one having residence and the other having contact.

if you meant parental responsibility, as the child is 3, if dad is on the birth cert then he already has PR which means that he has an equal say in what that child does, medications, schooling etc.

to the OP, yes you need to complete c100, you can do this without a solicitor if you are strapped for money, the case appears (based on your information) straight forward. there is no reason and no excuse for basing contact on the maintenance payments, the courts will not be happy that mother has done this. by the sounds of it, mother will be saying to court, 'i didnt stop contct because of the money, its because X said he didnt want to/like seeing his dad anymore, im concerned my son is unhappy/at risk'

you could ask the court to ask CAFCASS to observe a contact between you and your son to show the relationship, he is too young for them to do what is called a 'wishes and feelings report' where they just interview the child, but they can observe you with him to show that he really does enjoy contact.
you can ask court for whatever you like, residence, shared residence, contact etc, but the court will make a decision based on what is in the child's best interests (either recommended by CAFCASS if the court appoints them) or by consent between you and your ex.

snoopy_and_woodstock

Hi

This subject always makes me so angry no parent has the right to deny another parent access. It's not about money it's about a childs happiness.

My ex left us 8 years ago with no money and through no fault of my own. No matter how angry I felt I always put on a fake smile and made nice as I didn't want our daughter to suffer. And I still do it I would never use her as a weapon and this has worked very well to my advantage as she enjoys being with us more and more.

I really hope you find a way of seeing your son. Sorry I didn't have any advice.

Snoops xx

DigitalJedi

jenner wrote: »

what you have said above is factually incorrect. the assessment will decide what is in the childs best interests, if that is the status quo (unlikely in this case) then they recommend that. i have only once recommended the status quo personally.

also you make reference to 'shared parental responsibility', I assume you mean shared residence??

Yes I meant shared residence.

There's what should happen and there's what does happen. What you describe is great if it happened. There are many examples where CAFCASS have made seemingly staggering recommendations to the judge and I admit my own personal experience may have left me very jaded. The problem is that what is in the best interests of the child will depend upon who you speak to.

skint,single_mum_of_4

I absolutley hate women like this, all there bothered about is MONEY MONEY MONEY !!
poor kids don't know whats goin on, only that there wondering why daddy has'nt been to see em .

wrangler360

DigitalJedi wrote: »

Firstly don't assume your solicitor knows his !!!! from his elbow. He is not on your side, he is on his. His sole purpose is to make as much money from this as possible.:mad: I resent this I am training to be a Solicitor - and specialising in family Law and my concern will most certanly be with my clients and I will be on my clients side.

Secondly peversley the longer you are denied access to your son, the stronger her case gets. You need to push this to mediation/court asap. Again not neccesarily if you are attempting contact which she is dening then this can go against her - the judge always looks at what is in the best interests of the child.

From now on, get yourself a small tape recorder and record all interactions with ex. (Its perfectly legal). Unless you inform her you will be recording this is not admissable as evidence.

OP you really need some decent legal advice. Good Luck with it I hope everything works out for you.

Pee

I haven't read the other posts. I am glad you are getting a solicitor through work.

There is a real problem with non-resident fathers being treated very badly by the mothers, as you say there have been many posts about this and it happens all the time. There are probably reasons for this, she feels rejected by you and your wanting to spend time with the child is hurtful, that she looks after the child most of the time and you breeze in for the nice bits, without having so many of the sleepless nights and sickness etc, the martyr, I do so much and he never thinks about me...

The trouble is - as a rule - ex partners do not get on well. Mothers have residence of children. Mothers can make contact difficult or even downright impossible. If you live in Cornwall, there is nothing to stop her moving, with your child, to Essex or Scotland and however hard you tried, with distances like that, you wuld end up with a very occasional relationship.

So if you can at all, rise above it and try to keep things civil, not because it benefits the silly creature, but because it benefits you and the child.

DigitalJedi

I didn't say recordings was to be used as evidence. But it certainly helps aid memory and avoids any ambiguity.

the judge always looks at what is in the best interests of the child.

Exactly, and the longer he has no contact, if the child is young, the stronger her inevitable argument becomes that he is a stranger to said child.

I'm pleased your concern will be with your clients. I wish you luck and that the advice you give is better than I got. My experience is from the other side of the table and have met many other's who've had terrible experiences. There are many who have spent literally tens of thousands on their legal fees then actually do a better job as LIP. For me, I spent £5000 on my solicitor. I ended up correcting her on several points of law although I will give her credit that she was better than my ex's solicitor. In fact if it weren't for the fact my ex's solicitor totally and utterly got it wrong, I'd have stood no chance. I do wonder if the £5k I spent was value for money.

Lastly, i spent years installing criminal law software for solicitors so do have a fair understanding of how the system works. Its very telling that the biggest selling point of the software we had was that it told you how many hours of work was needed before you hit the next band of legal aid.

I'm sure there are great solicitors out there but to me they will always be a necessary evil. But I will never make the mistake again to assume that he/she is totally on my side and has no personal agenda.

LOL Reading back my posts I sound really bitter. I'm not. I just had the unfortunate experience of having to go to court to win back residence of my kids. I used to be all naive and think that being reasonable worked. Now from bitter experience I know thats not true. I nearly lost everything by thinking that justice would prevail. I am just trying to make sure others may learn from my mistakes.

xmaslolly76

I'm sorry your ex is being so unreasonable it so unfair on both you and the child. I have no usefull advice just wish you the best of luck and hope that she sees sence before its to late as other posters have said your son is very young but he will see for himself in years to come and it will be her who looses out and receives the brunt of the resentment for what she has done. :-) xx

Geordie_Aaron

ok - this is goin' to be my 'offshot diary to vent if you will lol.

well today i had a call from works solicitor - appointment for next wednesday is made - getting 1hour consultation free but in this discuss the fees ETC ETC (already feel like crying - cancelled the savings for the holiday already :-( )



well she must be getting nervous now and is back stepping from calling my bluff.... got 4 texts within an hour whilst working in a prison (obviously no phones aloowed) basicly saying if i want to sort it to ring before tonight or she wants no more contact from me atall.... i ignored all texts as this has happened before, and at 5pm she rang me askin what was happening *hits record onmobile* explained only facts and that i would only contact 'her' to speak with my son and NOT her. she said i'm not to bother ETC so i hung up for fear of her using the 'he's harrasing me' route as shes threatened previously....

so probably an update on Wednesday night then. as for those that have replied so far - i thank you for support and facts....

LilMissEmmylou

No advice but i hope u sort this all out, i despise people who try to make it hard for a parent to see their child for no valid reason at all. Good luck x